No, I'm not rich. Please stop insinuating that I am.

[Lady Snowdon]

I'm having this problem at work right now.  I'm going to Jamaica in three weeks for a friend's wedding.  We're lucky that we're able to afford this; an unexpected sum of money came to us, and made it possible.  Some of the people at work keep saying "oh, it must be nice to have your husband make enough that you guys can go to Jamaica" or "I wish I could afford international travel, but I don't make enough" or things like that.  DH and I make enough to pay all our bills, and put some away in savings, but we're not rolling in money by any stretch of the imagination.  We made it a priority to go to this friend's wedding, instead of making it a priority to do some other things, like do renovations on our house, or buy a new car for DH, or hundreds of other things.  Every time someone makes a remark, I try to laugh and say "well, without some help, we wouldn't have been able to afford it either", but it's really irritating to hear all the remarks.

[Nurvingiel]

"I wish I could do that!"
"You can." (smile)

You could say, "Yeah, it's totally worth skipping the little luxuries so we can splurge on the big ones!" Otherwise, your answer is fine.

They aren't asking for financial advice. They're commenting on the cost because money is an issue for them, so that's the aspect they relate to. If they felt their big hold up in life was a too full schedule, their comments would be about how they wished they had the time to spend an evening at the circus. If they are unhappily single, they'd whine about not having anyone to go to the circus with. For a lot of people, it's just easier to comment in the negative - they probably aren't even aware that they're doing it.

My other favorite respose to, "Must be nice..." type comments is, "Yes, it is."  

And there's folks like me, who hear about your fun time, express good natured but very real envy ("Oh wow, that sounds like so much fun, it must've been really nice!") in the hopes that you will tell me every. last. detail.

I don't snipe or sniff, and I only add the whole "I wish I could do that" if I want to be told how (Where to get tickets, how you got your great deal if you mentioned it, the logistics of managing it.)

But after reading this, I suddenly feel really self concious about it. i think I'll just stop talking to people. (Not being snarky or anything) I keep thinking I've learned social skills just to discover I didn't after all.

No, no, you have lots of social skills. If I go out and do something rad it's nice when people ask about it. I'd love to relive the fun by telling you all the neat details.

I'm sure you come accross to people as you intend - someone friendly who wants to hear about a cool experience.

I had a pair of New Balance -- they gave out faster than the $20.00 Wal mart pair of sneakers.

the sides wore off the heels and the whole sole on one shoe almost fell off.

And I had them too long to take back
I guess I am just "hard on shoes"

I've had the same pair of New Balance hiking shoes for five years. I wear them daily. This will be their sixth year of constant wear in all weather. I even wear them in the snow, even though they're just shoes.

I don't really take care of my shoes so they look like crap (leather is scuffed, scratched and stained) but they are so comfortable it's like wearing a pair of supportive, waterproof slippers.

Maybe they weren't the right fit for your feet?

</shoejack>

[iradney]

Ugh. In HS, people assumed that because Dad was a Dr, we were rolling the money. Er. No. He has a ginormous student loan to pay off! My mom bought no-name brands, and the first time I ever got a brand-name piece of clothing (a pair of Levi's) I was 17, and it was a present.

With our wedding, my parents contributed, but I've paid for the majority myself. TTO is paying for the honeymoon - he saved up for 10 months to get the money together, just as I saved all my OT, my christmas bonus, and watched what we spent. We don't go away for weekends, don't really buy expensive things (I do try and buy good quality workout gear as I'm chestily advantaged and prefer a sterner bra), if we need something, we check if there are any specials or sales. This time of year is awesome for shopping as there's all sorts of sales going on.

[CeeBee]

O/T but I read "I'm chestily advantaged and prefer a sterner bra" and I LOL'ed.

I'm right there with ya, sister! 

[Samgirl2]

I have friends like this too.  

They both earn several thousand a year more than I do (the most of all our social group by far I would say) and like the finer things in life and are very very concerned about appearances. She thinks nothing of regular facials and massages at £60 a time whereas for me that is a special treat, not a necessity. They had a lovely spotless home, 3 bed/2 bath just for them but recently decided to trade up and move into the centre of town. How they have afforded it I don't know, it is in the most desirable post code and is insanely expensive, plus they are still not happy with it and want to extend because there is no master ensuite bathroom. Then they started complaining that buying the new house has really stretched their budget, they have no money to pay workmen and borrowed from their parents just to buy paint to redecorate and that his parents had been really kind and helped them buy a dining table as they wanted a new one to go in a new house. It cost £1000!!!!

They run 2 cars, even though they both work in the same company and can get pool cars if one of them needs to travel offsite, they eat out a lot, she is always buying new clothes or asking her husband for expensive jewellery. For example for her birthday she told me she had asked her husband to buy her a £400 ring and her family to club together to get her a £200 bracelet. I am just too practical to spend that amount of money on something that's not really useful too me. I just think of all the places I could go or the things I could do with that.

Now, I don't have a problem with them doing any of this. It's their money, spend it how they like, seriously.  However they say they can never afford a proper holiday, or people think they have money (because they splash it so obviously) but really they don't and I am probably better off than they are, they wish they could afford trips etc like I can. At one point she was discussing taking a career break to think about what to do with her life and it was fine because they could live off her husband's salary. I had complained about my job at the time and she said well why don't you just quit and take some time out. I pointed out that I didn't have someone else to support me and even if I did, I liked to work and be in control of my own money. This is what frustrates me, they seem to have no real idea!


I am single, I live alone, am saving to buy a house, I run an 8 year old car, I don't shop that often but when I do I by from mid-range stores like Gap, Banana Republic, Fat Face etc because I like the stuff and it fits me well. I can't afford to shop there all the time but when I need something that is where I go and I get a few key things I can mix and match so i tend to look tidy and put together.  Because it's just me I know it's easier to decide how to spend my cash. I can eat really really cheaply at home alone during the week and then it's no problem for me to go for dinner with friends when it's suggested so maybe it looks like I have more cash than I really do. I save up and budget for holidays because travel is really important to me, so once a year I visit a new country. However, I often stay in youth hostels or budget hotels and I do things my own way. My friends would not consider anything less than 4 star and yet have the nerve to say they are envious of my being able to afford such extravagant trips!

The last time she brought this up I simply said that I save, budget and don't have the same other luxuries as they do. Think of their beautiful house, I could never afford that and so choose to spend my money in different ways.

[boxy]

Samgirl2 - it sounds like these people have a ton of debt.

[JillyJ]

I don't know.  I mean, I know we're not required to or anything, but I think part of people's financial stupidity comes from a lack of discussion about money, so I think sometimes it's better to just be honest about these things.  Some people have no money skills because they are never taught any.  When people comment on things I can afford, I have no qualms about saying, "Yeah, I had to save up for six months just for that." 

I made a decision 5 years ago to get out of debt.  I didn't have a ton, but it was too much of a burden.  For 8 months I didn't buy a single thing I didn't need.  Truly.  No wants of any sort.  If I didn't need it I didn't get it.  You'd be amazed at how many people would say "Oh, indulge, or just get it, it's not that expensive."  I had no problem telling them that it was more important to me to achieve a debt free life than it was to buy that new cd or new whatever that I didn't really need. 

[Alboury]

JillyJ, you're dead right about people losing their ability to figure the worth of money. Studies have been carried out on the subject, and the most important single reason for the phenomenon is that most bigger sums of money are transferred digitally, or on cards. Children whose parents rarely handle cash never learn to figure what one can actually get with what sum of money, and they never learn to figure that the money is, after the purchase, permanently gone from the wallet. As the usage of money is concentrated on abstract usage, people simply cannot relate to what they actually are doing with their bucks.

Great point.

[Nurvingiel]

JillyJ, I really admire you for going want-free for six months. This takes both willpower and organization. I am impressed!

[JillyJ]

JillyJ, I really admire you for going want-free for six months. This takes both willpower and organization. I am impressed!

Thanks - it was tricky in the first month or so, but after that got increasingly less difficult.  After the initial 8 months were up (the amount of time it took me to pay off my debts), I did a sort of modified version.   I took note of things I wanted, and if a week later I was still thinking about said item, I'd go back for it.  It was amazing how few things I went back for.  I've been thinking about doing it again just to get some extra money in the bank. 

[gwennan]

You know, I may just steal that idea.....I did manage to get a significant raise last year (thanks to finishing my Master's degree and landing a promotion), but my debt load isn't dropping as fast as I'd hoped since I've been doing too much impulse buying.  In my defense, I hadn't been able to buy new books for several years due to budgetary restraints.

But putting my impulse buys on a list and waiting a month?  Hmmm.  that's do-able.

thanks!!

[Red1979]

ahh - steel toe shoes.....I hate the cruddy things

my feet hurt bad because I have run over the heels and am walking sideways.

which is why I don't buy "very expensive" shoes otherwise - I can get "fresh" shoes more often  and not have so much foot pain

and it doesn't matter how expensive they are they all last about the same amount of time.   So - yeah - I will be wearing wal-mart sneakers over the very expensive ones.

I have the same problem.  I wear shoes out on the outer edges incredibly quickly and end up with my crooked gait and since I commute and work in NYC, I walk a lot.  But honestly, the best thing I found is to buy expensive shoes and keep getting them resoled.  It saves money in the longrun and the fit is great since you don't need to keep breaking them in.  The trick is to make sure you buy quality shoes that can be resoled.  I have a pair of Frye boots I've resoled 3 times now and I'll resole a 4th come this fall...

[NotTheNarcissist]

Just now reading this. Reminds me of the time I was asked to foot the entire financial part of a wedding shower I co-hosted. The ENTIRE financial part. They ver batim said I could afford it & they could not so I should pay for everything and they will take care of the rest of the co-hosting shower duties. Now maybe I am overreacting but I felt it was a rude assumption on their part.

This is why I rarely offer to host showers anymore. IMO showers today have lost class - I prefer an old-fashioned, low key, traditional shower and so few others do anymore that I just prefer to stay out of hosting them altogether. (Guess I'm not very forward thinking in the shower department to borrow a business term.)

[JillyJ]

You know, I may just steal that idea.....I did manage to get a significant raise last year (thanks to finishing my Master's degree and landing a promotion), but my debt load isn't dropping as fast as I'd hoped since I've been doing too much impulse buying.  In my defense, I hadn't been able to buy new books for several years due to budgetary restraints.

But putting my impulse buys on a list and waiting a month?  Hmmm.  that's do-able.

thanks!!

You're welcome!  It really did work.  Because I knew I could get things if I really wanted them, but it stopped me from getting stupid stuff that just happened to catch my eye.  I also used a really great budget program that I found, so that helped too.  Good luck - being debt free was the best thing I ever did for myself.

[aiki]

ahh - steel toe shoes.....I hate the cruddy things

my feet hurt bad because I have run over the heels and am walking sideways.

which is why I don't buy "very expensive" shoes otherwise - I can get "fresh" shoes more often  and not have so much foot pain

and it doesn't matter how expensive they are they all last about the same amount of time.   So - yeah - I will be wearing wal-mart sneakers over the very expensive ones.

I have the same problem.  I wear shoes out on the outer edges incredibly quickly and end up with my crooked gait and since I commute and work in NYC, I walk a lot.  But honestly, the best thing I found is to buy expensive shoes and keep getting them resoled.  It saves money in the longrun and the fit is great since you don't need to keep breaking them in.  The trick is to make sure you buy quality shoes that can be resoled.  I have a pair of Frye boots I've resoled 3 times now and I'll resole a 4th come this fall...

The Sam Vimes Theory of Economic Injustice in action...