Word of mouth party invitations

[Sibby]

I usually DO show up at parties empty handed (unless we are talking about showers or graduation parties and the like).  I ask the host or hostess if I could bring anything and if the answer is "No, we have everything covered," then I don't run out and buy a gift. And usually the answer is no but if it isn't then of course I'm happy to bring something.  If I'm having the party, I decline offers.

My friends have everything they need.  They don't want gifts. Neither do I.  I'd like to get rid of some of the stuff I've accumulated over the years!  In fact I I've been making a trek to Goodwill every week now for months. 

And everyone is busy.  It just adds to someone's stress if they have to be thinking, Oh Saturday is Lynn's dinner party and I need to find time to go get her a hostess gift. I just want them to come and relax and have a great time. Every social occasion does not need to be a gift giving occasion.

I guess we have different ideas of A) what proper visiting behavior is and B) what constitutes a gift.

I don't consider showing up to a party with [depending on type of gathering] a bouquet of flowers, case of beer or bottle of wine/spirits to even be a gift.  It's simply what I was brought up to do - never show up empty handed.  Ok at a very casual "hey you want to come over for dinner?" that isn't a party I might be more lax, but this was an established party. 
And it all goes back to the conversational type invite - who doesn't ask "oh can I bring anything?"  even you are saying you do show up empty handed but at least you "ask the host or hostess if [you] could bring anything" - seems like this OP didn't even do that - if she had she'd have gottent eh conversation about party details rolling.

[VorFemme]

Also, most likely, they may all be assuming that R is keeping you in the loop. (I know that happens with couples or close friends, where you assume one half of the couple knows whats going one because someone told the other half-drives me batty sometimes).

I have noticed that DeHubby seems to think that just because our heads were in the same bed, less than five feet away from each other (it is a king sized bed) that MY brain has downloaded his schedule and plans for work and the weekend from his brain without any effort on his part to open his mouth and tell me about it or mark the calendar............

He has also been quite shocked to find that MY plans for a given day had nothing to do with HIS plans for the same time period (and I do mark my doctor and dentist appointments on the calendar, if anyone LOOKS at the calendar).  I have been known to accuse him of micro-managing...........I have also been known to tell him that I will work on the what-ever-it-was AFTER I get through with my activities for the day.  That might be before noon, after school, or possibly just before bedtime - depending on how busy THAT day was.