Am I being a Bridezilla?

[theofficefan]

No matter what im sleeping at my sisters house, i 'slept' on that couch in may; it was hell and that was BEFORE my injury

[blarg314]

My MOH does live nearby, but I'm a bit worried that my staying there would make my mom crazier, because I'm staying with another family. I do think that I'll talk to her about the dog in front of people, because I do think that I should get ready at my mom's house, no matter what.

I think you need to accept that if you stay at your mom's house you cannot control what will happen there. She can invite tons of people, turn the house into total chaos, make you sleep on the couch or floor, hold a party until four in the morning so you can't sleep.

You can't control what she does. You can only control what you do. So if you decide that you have to stay there they night before, you have to accept that it will be a chaotic event over which you have little control.

*or*

You can decide to stay somewhere else, and accept the fallout that results.

What you can't do is decide to stay at your mother's place *and* have it be a calm, sane, non exhausting preparation for your wedding.
 

[DigitalPumpkin46]

I'm not trying to insult anyone here, but I can't figure out why privacy the night before the wedding and in the morning while getting dressed FOR the wedding is so hard for the mother to comprehend.  It just seems so obvious. 

She should have her own "old" room and if other family members need a place to sleep. THEY should be the ones getting a hotel room.  Including (especially) the sister with the not quite housebroken dog!!!

If there is ever a night where the bride's comfort should be paramount, this is the night.  It almost seems like Mom is more excited about having a bunch of people in her house for the occasion than she is about her daughter's actual wedding and more concerned about their comfort and convenience than her daughter's.  I know that's probably not the case, but . . .

So now the bride not only gets the day, but gets the day before as well? Uh, no.  I'm sorry, but that's a slippery slope that I'm not willing to traverse. 

The bride can ask for accommodation at her mom's house, but it's her mom's house, her mom's rules, so if she wants to entertain 6 other people and an untrained dog instead of her daughter, that's her perogative. 

GirlyJock can ask to stay there, most certainly, but if her mom also wants to entertain the others, GirlyJock cannot demand that she not do that.  GirlyJock's option is to stay somewhere else - not to change her mothers' hospitality. 

And I can certainly understand why mother wants to host other family members at this time.  In many families, people just do what's necessary (crowding a home) in order that everyone be together/for any number of reasons. 

Now, I realize that this is not GirlyJock's issue specifically (it's her mom that both wants her to stay there AND wants to have other family there, thus being the unreasonable one), so I'm not suggesting that GirlyJock is being Bridezilla at all. 

GJ- I think you need to get a hotel or stay with your MOH. 

[kudeebee]

GJ

I know you feel you should get ready at your mom's house, but please take into consideration that it could be very chaotic there with all the people in the house.  Better to stay with moh and have mom come over and help you get ready there, where it is peaceful and calm and you don't have to worry about sharing bathrooms, having people wander in and out, haveing sis's dog "join in the fun."

[Mopsy428]

I'm not trying to insult anyone here, but I can't figure out why privacy the night before the wedding and in the morning while getting dressed FOR the wedding is so hard for the mother to comprehend.  It just seems so obvious.  

She should have her own "old" room and if other family members need a place to sleep. THEY should be the ones getting a hotel room.  Including (especially) the sister with the not quite housebroken dog!!!

If there is ever a night where the bride's comfort should be paramount, this is the night.  It almost seems like Mom is more excited about having a bunch of people in her house for the occasion than she is about her daughter's actual wedding and more concerned about their comfort and convenience than her daughter's.  I know that's probably not the case, but . . .

So now the bride not only gets the day, but gets the day before as well? Uh, no.  I'm sorry, but that's a slippery slope that I'm not willing to traverse.  

*snipped out*

I don't think anyone is saying that the bride gets the whole day before, but rather, it's very important that the bride gets enough rest. If you are hosting the bride AND other guests, you should make sure that the bride is comfortable and is able to get a good night's rest first and foremost. Of course, you shouldn't treat your other guests like dirt, and if that means that you limit the number of other guests so that everyone under your roof is comfortable, then the other guests will have to find other arrangements. (Example: don't invite so many people so that people end up sleeping on the hardwood floor in sleeping bags.)

Out of all the days in a person's life where that person *should* get a good night's sleep, the eve of the wedding is one of them. If my family and I made plans for me to stay over my parents' house the night before the wedding, I wouldn't expect the red carpet treatment. But I would expect that my parents would make sure that I had comfortable sleeping arrangements. This includes not having loud parties until 2 AM, letting me sleep in a bed and not on the sofa in a high traffic area, and having a space where I can put my wedding things (like the dress, shoes, etc., etc.)

Now, I realize that this is not GirlyJock's issue specifically (it's her mom that both wants her to stay there AND wants to have other family there, thus being the unreasonable one), so I'm not suggesting that GirlyJock is being Bridezilla at all.  

Exactly. You can't have it both ways. If you want to have your daughter over the night before the wedding and have the pictures and getting ready activities at your house, you do everything to make sure that your house isn't Chaos Central. If you can't, then you shouldn't be upset when your daughter wants to go someplace where (1) she can get a good night's rest, and (2) there won't be a possibility that Fido is going to run riot through the house.

[LEMon]

In response to your last comment, GJ, in the years to come, how do you want to remember the night before your wedding, the morning of, and your wedding?  What is most important to you?  What could you laugh off in those times?  What would leave you in tears in those time?  What would leave a bitter feeling in your heart for years afterwards?  What would you regret if you didn't do? 
Think of the pros and cons of all the various situations.  Make one of those lists.

I do believe I could run on adrenaline through the wedding day on very little sleep, but the dog mess on my dress would send me off the deep end.   

What is most important to you?  We can only advise.  You must decide.
(I tried to figure out a question about the dog ... but I just can't.  I'm so against that dog being in the house.  What is she going to do with it during the wedding?)

[still in va]

I'm not trying to insult anyone here, but I can't figure out why privacy the night before the wedding and in the morning while getting dressed FOR the wedding is so hard for the mother to comprehend.  It just seems so obvious. 

She should have her own "old" room and if other family members need a place to sleep. THEY should be the ones getting a hotel room.  Including (especially) the sister with the not quite housebroken dog!!!

If there is ever a night where the bride's comfort should be paramount, this is the night.  It almost seems like Mom is more excited about having a bunch of people in her house for the occasion than she is about her daughter's actual wedding and more concerned about their comfort and convenience than her daughter's.  I know that's probably not the case, but . . .

So now the bride not only gets the day, but gets the day before as well? Uh, no.  I'm sorry, but that's a slippery slope that I'm not willing to traverse. 

the day before, Pumpkins? no.  the night before, as in a good night's undisturbed sleep in an actual bed?  yeah, she gets that. 

[DigitalPumpkin46]

I'm not trying to insult anyone here, but I can't figure out why privacy the night before the wedding and in the morning while getting dressed FOR the wedding is so hard for the mother to comprehend.  It just seems so obvious. 

She should have her own "old" room and if other family members need a place to sleep. THEY should be the ones getting a hotel room.  Including (especially) the sister with the not quite housebroken dog!!!

If there is ever a night where the bride's comfort should be paramount, this is the night.  It almost seems like Mom is more excited about having a bunch of people in her house for the occasion than she is about her daughter's actual wedding and more concerned about their comfort and convenience than her daughter's.  I know that's probably not the case, but . . .

So now the bride not only gets the day, but gets the day before as well? Uh, no.  I'm sorry, but that's a slippery slope that I'm not willing to traverse. 

the day before, Pumpkins? no.  the night before, as in a good night's undisturbed sleep in an actual bed?  yeah, she gets that. 

But she doesnt get to demand it/expect it of her mother, as the pp sounded like she was suggesting.  She can get that good night's sleep in a hotel.

I'm not entirely sure you understood my post fully...

[still in va]

I'm not trying to insult anyone here, but I can't figure out why privacy the night before the wedding and in the morning while getting dressed FOR the wedding is so hard for the mother to comprehend.  It just seems so obvious. 

She should have her own "old" room and if other family members need a place to sleep. THEY should be the ones getting a hotel room.  Including (especially) the sister with the not quite housebroken dog!!!

If there is ever a night where the bride's comfort should be paramount, this is the night.  It almost seems like Mom is more excited about having a bunch of people in her house for the occasion than she is about her daughter's actual wedding and more concerned about their comfort and convenience than her daughter's.  I know that's probably not the case, but . . .

So now the bride not only gets the day, but gets the day before as well? Uh, no.  I'm sorry, but that's a slippery slope that I'm not willing to traverse. 

the day before, Pumpkins? no.  the night before, as in a good night's undisturbed sleep in an actual bed?  yeah, she gets that. 

But she doesnt get to demand it/expect it of her mother, as the pp sounded like she was suggesting.  She can get that good night's sleep in a hotel.

I'm not entirely sure you understood my post fully...

Pumpkin, you're right.  i posted too quickly.  i actually agree with your post.  GirlyJock needs a good night's sleep before her wedding.  her mom is determined to host a number of house guests the night before the wedding, to the point where it's doubtful that GirlyJock will be able to get a good night's sleep.  her mom is certainly within her rights to open her home to her family.  however, having done that, mom can't also demand the GirlyJock stay in her home the night before the wedding.  she's gotta choose.  actually, i agree that Girly Jock should just let her mother know the plans.  and why.

[DigitalPumpkin46]

I agree 100% still in va!

[saki]

My mother suggested that I sleep on the floor the week before my wedding so that family could all have beds.  I said that I was fine with that except for the night before my wedding, she got stroppy but my dad took my side and booked rooms at a nearby B&B for the relatives.  Are your parents still together?  If so, can you enlist your dad on your side?

[artk2002]

But she doesnt get to demand it/expect it of her mother, as the pp sounded like she was suggesting.  She can get that good night's sleep in a hotel.

If her mother is demanding that she spend the night, then I think GirlyJock does get to demand peace and quiet.

[bopper]

I would just say "Mom, this is MY wedding.  I don't think it is too much to ask for the bride to be able to sleep in her own room the night before her wedding.  I don't think any relatives will think this is too much to ask.  You can't have it both ways...me getting dressed here but me relagated to sleeping on the couch. If you cannot commit to that right now, I will make other arrangements. That is not a problem at all."

[DigitalPumpkin46]

But she doesnt get to demand it/expect it of her mother, as the pp sounded like she was suggesting.  She can get that good night's sleep in a hotel.

If her mother is demanding that she spend the night, then I think GirlyJock does get to demand peace and quiet.

I disagree. She doesnt have to give in to Mom's demands by any means. She can ask/bargain (which is what I'm assuming you mean when you say demand), and if her mom declines, then GJ needs to go to a hotel or accept the idea of a poor night's sleep at her moms.  Those are the choices.

[penguinpants]

I just think the whole situation will become quite the ordeal.  I'd just stay with MOH or at the hotel (ignore the fact that that family reunion thingie is going on), and let mom entertain whoever and however she pleases.  Mom's going to be mad?  Too bad.  MOG is going to be mad?  Too bad.  There is too much deference to people who are simply NOT affected by the decisions they wish to impose on others.  I certainly don't advocate alienating people, or being all "my speshul, speshul daaaaay," but this territorial contest over where the bride stays, what party she attends, etc., is just ridiculous. 

Then, the decision is made . . . no bargaining, no worries that surprises will be sprung upon you . . . just a simple maintenance of a few catch phrases, such as: "No, that won't be possible." 

Let other people enjoy the dog's tender ministrations to their clothing.  Let other people enjoy their sleep exhaustion and/or hangovers from MOG's party.  Let other people sleep on the sofa or the floor.