"So, she's your boss!"

[Kaymyth]

This phrase would've been so helpful seven months ago.  Alas, this incident happened before I discovered eHell:

DF and I were at his niece's birthday party.  I wound up being introduced to some friends of FBIL and FSIL's friends.

Friend: "So, you're his (DF's) boss!"

Me: "Um....nooo, I'm his fiancee."

Friend: "Yeah, his boss!"

Me (trying extremely hard not to be insulted, but failing miserably): "Our relationship is pretty equal, actually."

Friend (condescendingly): "Awwww, that's so cute, she's being nice.  That won't last long after the wedding!"

DF and I were both completely flabbergasted by the idea that once we were wed, I'd turn into a controlling harridan who rules the house with an iron fist.  I have since learned that this guy is pretty well-convinced that he's the most hilarious comedian ever, and I've even seen his young son rolling his eyes at Dad in the manner of the long-suffering.  This was his idea of a clever joke.  Go figure.

So.  Yeah.  "What an interesting assumption," is a wonderful sentence which I shall now treasure.  But if only I'd had it in my arsenal then!

[Bibliophile]

It sounds like something a lot of people just joke about but not something they mean seriously...

[hobish]

Eek, that sounds very annoying!

Welcome to EHell!

[Kaymyth]

It sounds like something a lot of people just joke about but not something they mean seriously...

Unfortunately, the intent behind it didn't make it any less insulting.  I just didn't find it at all funny.

Since they are friends of FBIL and his wife, I doubt we'll see them very often at all.  And if there is a next time, I am now armed with a multitude of eHell-approved responses.

[Orisha]

It sounds like something a lot of people just joke about but not something they mean seriously...

Unfortunately, the intent behind it didn't make it any less insulting.  I just didn't find it at all funny.

Since they are friends of FBIL and his wife, I doubt we'll see them very often at all.  And if there is a next time, I am now armed with a multitude of eHell-approved responses.

I don't blame you.  In a similar vein, I wasn't too amused a few years back when some friends of ILs' family friends (whom I'd met not 5 seconds earlier) announced "so, we'll be holding your baby this time next year!"  I just answered "no."  They continued to pester, "oh, so you don't want kids?"  I answered that I thought that that was personal and changed the subject.  They thought I was being a snob for refusing to discuss my family planning with people I barely knew.  

[Elfqueen13]

I hate when people say things like that to me.  Not only is it the worst kind of stereotyping, in my case it's 180 degrees off and therefore offensive to both myself and my husband.

[Bibliophile]

It sounds like something a lot of people just joke about but not something they mean seriously...

Unfortunately, the intent behind it didn't make it any less insulting.  I just didn't find it at all funny.

Since they are friends of FBIL and his wife, I doubt we'll see them very often at all.  And if there is a next time, I am now armed with a multitude of eHell-approved responses.

It's the same to me as calling one's spouse/SO their "better half".  It's rarely meant as an insult - I don't see any "intent" behind it.

[Minmom3]

It sounds like something a lot of people just joke about but not something they mean seriously...

Unfortunately, the intent behind it didn't make it any less insulting.  I just didn't find it at all funny.

Since they are friends of FBIL and his wife, I doubt we'll see them very often at all.  And if there is a next time, I am now armed with a multitude of eHell-approved responses.

It's the same to me as calling one's spouse/SO their "better half".  It's rarely meant as an insult - I don't see any "intent" behind it.

I think it entirely depends on the delivery and the source.  I've seen it used benignly, and with intent to rabble rouse.  My take on the benign usage is that it's a bit old fashioned, but it's fine, no harm done.  When it's done with intent to irritate, it succeeds quite well, and I am annoyed, but more at the idiot who likes to stir fecal matter with me than with the actual phrase.  I just don't under the love of fecal matter stirring, and it bugs the snot out of me.  DH does it a lot, and I don't understand why that's fun for him, nor for anybody else. For that matter, why it's so much fun for DH to get a rise out of me, and for him to not care that I'm, upset when it's all over with. 

I've been called a fuddy duddy for that attitude, and 'can't take a joke', and 'you don't understand playing the Devil's advocate'...  Such is life, I just don't understand the love of that kind of interaction.   

[Kaymyth]

It sounds like something a lot of people just joke about but not something they mean seriously...

Unfortunately, the intent behind it didn't make it any less insulting.  I just didn't find it at all funny.

Since they are friends of FBIL and his wife, I doubt we'll see them very often at all.  And if there is a next time, I am now armed with a multitude of eHell-approved responses.

It's the same to me as calling one's spouse/SO their "better half".  It's rarely meant as an insult - I don't see any "intent" behind it.

I think it entirely depends on the delivery and the source.  I've seen it used benignly, and with intent to rabble rouse.  My take on the benign usage is that it's a bit old fashioned, but it's fine, no harm done.  When it's done with intent to irritate, it succeeds quite well, and I am annoyed, but more at the idiot who likes to stir fecal matter with me than with the actual phrase.  I just don't under the love of fecal matter stirring, and it bugs the snot out of me.  DH does it a lot, and I don't understand why that's fun for him, nor for anybody else. For that matter, why it's so much fun for DH to get a rise out of me, and for him to not care that I'm, upset when it's all over with. 

I've been called a fuddy duddy for that attitude, and 'can't take a joke', and 'you don't understand playing the Devil's advocate'...  Such is life, I just don't understand the love of that kind of interaction.   

In this case, it was said in a really obnoxious, "Yoooouuu'll seeeeeee!" tone of voice, from a person we had just met.  DF and I were both somewhat dumbfounded by the thing, though I suspect I was more insulted than he was.

Meh.  We will continue blithely with our wonderful, healthy relationship, and I will somehow refrain from blowing raspberries at this individual in ten years' time. 

[Mediancat]

A lot of insult and rudeness is tone. I've met people who could say "Hello" and be twelve kinds of obnoxious, and people who could use phrases often meant as insulting and not be insulting in the least.

In this case, even if the intent was a joke, the second he saw that you and your fiancee weren't remotely amused, he should have backed off. That he didn't indicates to me that he's either utterly clueless, or actually meant what he said and was trying to pass it off as a "joke."

Rob

[audrey1962]

I like it when people immediately identify themselves as boors so that I won't have to waste the time of cultivating a friendship with them.

[Piratelvr1121]

That would irritate me as well, depending on the tone used.  Though it doesn't offend me as much as when people say "She wears the pants in the family." 

A friend of ours affectionately refers to his wife as the boss when he and DH talk about plans for the weekend or future weekends.   It's mostly just because she is more organized and thus remembers when they have commitments like a niece's first communion or whatever. 

But the guy in the OP was obnoxious.   

In this case, even if the intent was a joke, the second he saw that you and your fiancee weren't remotely amused, he should have backed off. That he didn't indicates to me that he's either utterly clueless, or actually meant what he said and was trying to pass it off as a "joke."

POD!

[hellgirl]

People say some stupid things.

I used to get (probably still do!) very annoyed when people would comment on Dh and I being apparently very happy/considerate towards each other. I don't remember exact words but it was a 'how cute - they still like each other!' vibe. With a strong implication that it would wear off once real life or time set in. Of course it was too satisfying one time this happened when I could point out that they had been with their husband for 4 years (all up), and we'd been together for about 10. I figure if we still like each other after 10 years that's a good sign it might stick

[Piratelvr1121]

People say some stupid things.

I used to get (probably still do!) very annoyed when people would comment on Dh and I being apparently very happy/considerate towards each other. I don't remember exact words but it was a 'how cute - they still like each other!' vibe. With a strong implication that it would wear off once real life or time set in. Of course it was too satisfying one time this happened when I could point out that they had been with their husband for 4 years (all up), and we'd been together for about 10. I figure if we still like each other after 10 years that's a good sign it might stick

We've heard that before too and makes me sad for the person who says it, since they're apparently tired of each other. 

[Eastsider]

My DH ran into something similar at an art fair we were at recently.  We had decided to buy a mirror from the fair and we were debating about which one to get.  Our rule about art in our house is that we both have to love it.  So we were going back and forth about which one to get and where it would go when the artist says to my husband " You should just get the one she wants because you'll end up doing that anyway.  The wife always gets her way."  Um, no.
It was so odd and I didn't know what to say to him.