Author Topic: Would you be upset by this? Friend deleting comments being deleted from Facebook  (Read 14338 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

penelope2017

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3022
But why would it be seemingly only eating my posts? I have noticed that happening, but not to this extent like this. Or is it something specifically wrong with her profile (FB, computer, whatever) and mine?

But how do you know she doesn't delete other people's posts? If someone posts and she deletes it before you see it, then you would never know it happened.

If you don't feel comfortable asking her about it, why don't you just cut back on what you post on her wall? She doesn't seem to welcome it, so why bother?

Both of these are excellent points.

artk2002

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12828
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Rather than speculating here on why she might be deleting the comments, or whether FaceBook has it in for you, why not just ask her in a PM what's going on?  If you care enough to make the comments, and you care enough to be upset when they go away, don't you care enough to resolve the issue with her?
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

aloe

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 404
I think it is rude to delete people's comments, exceptions being: The person finds the comments rude or offensive.

I've left a few comments up which I found in the 'grey zone.'  I think it is better to leave everything 'as is.'

A little off-topic, but since political opinions on FB have been brought up: I feel sad about this, and I preface this by saying I avoid politics almost completely on FB, with the exception of when Obama won in '08, I posted a 'Yay, happy" short message....Anyway, on my FB I have a *wide* mix of people from rabid Tea Partiers to rabid Liberals to gay activists to anti-abortion folks, you get the picture, so the last thing I want to do is post political stuff and have discord on my pages...so...

I had a FB Friend, a very favorite person, someone in my family I never met in person.
This person did genealogy, was friendly, active, someone who was a great person to have on my FB, in addition had loads of vintage pictures shared of my ancestors even more than 100 years back.

She e-mailed me and told me she disabled her FB account.  She had posted some political opinions and now she is on the opposing group's 'hate list' that is outside of FB.  Her personal information including e-mail address is posted on-line.  I was able to find that site easily on a Google search.

This is creepy and wrong, and I miss my FB Friend, too.

MissMonk

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 3
Sorry your feelings were hurt. 

I admit to deleting some friends comments from my FB page.  I consider my FB to be mine...so, if someone comments on one of my pictures or posts in a non-supportive way, I will remove it.  This has only happened maybe 2 or 3 times, but I feel it's my right. 

For example, I posted a picture of something I really want to obtain.  It's hard to get.  My friend replied that it was gross. Whatever...it's my dream.  I don't want her dissing on my dream.  So, I deleted her comment.

Another time, my parents commented on some perhaps trashier than normal pictures of me in a very negative way.  My pics, my life.  I deleted.  Interestingly enough, they recommented in a kinder manner.

As for some posters on here considering this to be is rude, I don't think that's so true.  I see it more as teaching people how to treat us.

My husband calls me a facebook snob.  So be it.  I get to control my page.  That's the point.

Cyradis

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1671
Sorry your feelings were hurt. 

I admit to deleting some friends comments from my FB page.  I consider my FB to be mine...so, if someone comments on one of my pictures or posts in a non-supportive way, I will remove it.  This has only happened maybe 2 or 3 times, but I feel it's my right. 

For example, I posted a picture of something I really want to obtain.  It's hard to get.  My friend replied that it was gross. Whatever...it's my dream.  I don't want her dissing on my dream.  So, I deleted her comment.

Another time, my parents commented on some perhaps trashier than normal pictures of me in a very negative way.  My pics, my life.  I deleted.  Interestingly enough, they recommented in a kinder manner.

As for some posters on here considering this to be is rude, I don't think that's so true.  I see it more as teaching people how to treat us.

My husband calls me a facebook snob.  So be it.  I get to control my page.  That's the point.

I agree. After Italy exited the World Cup I posted as my status something to the effect of "Italy, love and support to you in triumph and epic failure." A college friend commented saying that the Italians were cheaters and no one should support them, etc. I deleted his comment. I don't expect everyone to love my team, favourite song, book, dessert, whatever but they can refrain from commenting nastily on my FB page.

That said, that situation doesn't match the OP's where her comments have been polite and innocuous. And FB can be nutty sometimes! Tonight my newsfeed was all out of order - posts made by friends 15 hours ago were displayed at the top of the page while more recent postings were buried beneath. It wouldn't surprise me if your comments were  being eaten.

kingsrings

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9708
True, but I haven't noticed that with other posts on her profile. It seems that they remain there, while mine are gone. But of course, maybe some other posts are indeed being eaten, but I don't know that because they're gone by the time I view it.

I've decided to just let it be, and write it off as some kind of youthful silliness on her part. That's what you get sometimes for friending people younger than you, I guess. 

kingsrings

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9708
I don't know, she is young, and she acts appropriately. I acted the same way, in fact I probably was more immature honestly, when I was her age. I am friends with her LT boyfriend, that is how we met. I'm closer to her BF than I am to her, of course. I was hoping to become friends with her as well, but this kind of behavior makes me think she has a problem with me for some reason.

Hushabye

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7640
If you think she has a problem with you, why not just ask?

Amava

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4751
I don't know, she is young, and she acts appropriately. I acted the same way, in fact I probably was more immature honestly, when I was her age. I am friends with her LT boyfriend, that is how we met. I'm closer to her BF than I am to her, of course. I was hoping to become friends with her as well, but this kind of behavior makes me think she has a problem with me for some reason.

But you do not even know whether she did anything. Or have you asked her already whether she deletes your posts?
I think you should ask her before you draw conclusions, and definitely before you blame it on her age.
Why not clarify with her? Ask her straight out whether she has seen your posts, whether she has deleted them, and whether she would prefer you not to comment on her statuses anymore.
I know that it *sounds* crazy optimistic to think that facebook eats your posts - but believe me, facebook has eaten mine. 

Maujer

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1077
So since you refuse to ask her why or entertain that it might be something about your comments that's getting them deleted you've decided to write her off as immature?

My husband has been policing his facebook page more than normal lately. We're planning a move north and while some of our friends and family know, his job does not. I'm looking for work in our new state so his job does not know we're living apart. He has a few coworkers who are friends with him on facebook so if someone comments about him coming to visit me in new state, he removes it. If it's something he thinks might pop up again, he'll e-mail the commenter, but usually he'll just quietly remove it without saying anything.

Also, we're friends with his mom on facebook. I posted a photo album of a recent vacation. She normally behaves herself, but on one of the pictures she commented something like "what a handsome handsome man". He asked me to delete it because having your mom call you handsome on facebook when you're 27 is a little embarrassing.

I would bet there's something she's deemed off about your comments. What do you mean about your "supportive" comments remaining? Are your other comments non-supportive? Did you try to joke around with her? Because tone can be very hard to read on facebook sometimes.

kingsrings

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9708
My comments seem to match the tone of others on there, yet she deletes mine for some reason. The only ones she doesn't delete are basic, general ones such as "Good job!" or stuff like that. Anything that even slightly deviates disappears...

I know I could ask her, I guess I'm just afraid that the answer could be hurtful. Silly, I know. But since I don't know her real well, I don't know how she "works", so to speak. I also don't want any bad blood between us because I don't want that to affect my friendship with her BF, or our future theatre dealings since we're in the same industry and have the same friends, connections.

Amava

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4751
I know I could ask her, I guess I'm just afraid that the answer could be hurtful. Silly, I know. But since I don't know her real well, I don't know how she "works", so to speak. I also don't want any bad blood between us because I don't want that to affect my friendship with her BF, or our future theatre dealings since we're in the same industry and have the same friends, connections.
It could be, or it could not be. As it is, you seem hurt by the situation. So basically, if you ask her, the outcome could be that a. she gives a hurtful answer - but, you were already hurt, so that's not a loss, and then you would at least know that you are not hurting for no reason - or, b. there is a reasonable explanation why the posts disappear.

To avoid that bad blood which you speak of, I would ask it as lightly as possible. The very next time a comment seems to disappear, I would just drop her a private message, saying something like: "Hi, I noticed my comment disappeared, was it in any way offensive or uncomfortable for you? Sorry if it was!" and then see what she replies.

If she replies "that's ok lol", then you can conclude that your comments are indeed not wanted in her world and that she is a bit immature. If she gives a mature answer like "I deleted the comment because of xyz reason", then you can still decide whether you deem her reasons valid or not, be hurt or not be hurt, choose whether still to comment on other posts by her or not, accordingly.  If she says "I didn't see any comment", then join me in my annoyance with facebook for eating posts. :)

Wendy Moira Angela Pan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1702
  • Formerly Ms. Wendy
She doesn't really owe kingsrings an explanation. Maybe she's not deleting her comments. Maybe she is because she thinks kingsrings comments too much (once or twice a week is a lot if you don't have a rapport with some one). Maybe she deletes kingsrings comments because she thinks aliens are using them for mind control. It's her own personal business, isn't it?

sweetneet

  • Guest
I know I could ask her, I guess I'm just afraid that the answer could be hurtful. Silly, I know. But since I don't know her real well, I don't know how she "works", so to speak. I also don't want any bad blood between us because I don't want that to affect my friendship with her BF, or our future theatre dealings since we're in the same industry and have the same friends, connections.
It could be, or it could not be. As it is, you seem hurt by the situation. So basically, if you ask her, the outcome could be that a. she gives a hurtful answer - but, you were already hurt, so that's not a loss, and then you would at least know that you are not hurting for no reason - or, b. there is a reasonable explanation why the posts disappear.

To avoid that bad blood which you speak of, I would ask it as lightly as possible. The very next time a comment seems to disappear, I would just drop her a private message, saying something like: "Hi, I noticed my comment disappeared, was it in any way offensive or uncomfortable for you? Sorry if it was!" and then see what she replies.

If she replies "that's ok lol", then you can conclude that your comments are indeed not wanted in her world and that she is a bit immature. If she gives a mature answer like "I deleted the comment because of xyz reason", then you can still decide whether you deem her reasons valid or not, be hurt or not be hurt, choose whether still to comment on other posts by her or not, accordingly.  If she says "I didn't see any comment", then join me in my annoyance with facebook for eating posts. :)

i totally agree with this, i think this is the best way to handle it.

i've had friends' behavior on FB really bother me, but i never confronted them bc it was something rather subtle and/or possibly unintentional. whereas always deleting a specific friends' comments (especially when they are seemingly innocuous, like "great picture!") seems something very obvious and merits asking about. i would be hurt too.

I personally would never delete comments on FB, unless they were offensive (vulgar language, etc) or they divulged something that i didn't want others to know.  i've only deleted a Facebook comment once, when my cousin posted something to my wall. it was not offensive in the least (she is the sweetest girl), it was just a comment saying "just heard the news, congratulations to you both!" Thing is, at the time i was 6 weeks pregnant with our first child and had just announced to my extended family that we were expecting. But I didn't want to let everyone else on FB know i was pregnant until i was passed the first trimester, because god forbid i had a miscarriage or something,  i didn't want to deal with acquaintances posting "so how's the pregnancy coming along??" or having to tell everyone I lost the baby. So i deleted her comment and then sent her a personal FB message politely explaining why ("thanks for the note, but i deleted your post just becaus we aren't letting everyone know yet until 13 weeks"). i dont know, maybe i just am too polite, but i would have felt weird just deleting the comment without an explanation, since there was nothing offensive at all in her post.
« Last Edit: August 03, 2010, 01:02:33 PM by sweetneet »

Mahdoumi

  • Guest
Kingsrings, if your comments on her page are anything like what you post here, then you are not offending her.   :)