Taking back home your BYO

[MsMarjorie]

A while ago I was invited to a friends home for dinner, it was to be a fairly large dinner party.  I asked friend if I should bring anything and she replied "yes can you bring ingredients for a cocktail (Pina Coladas to be precise)".  I was a little bit shocked by this request as this is an expensive drink and it ended up costing me over $60. 

So I brought the Pina Colada ingredients to the party and offered to make the cocktails myself.  It turned out that the host didn't have a blender so the cocktails couldn't actually be made and the stuff sat there unopened on the kitchen counter.

My questions are;
1 - Was it within my hosts rights to ask me to bring something that expensive?
2 - Would it have been alright for me to take the ingredients home again since they didn't get used?  As it was I left them there because I considered them to be a gift (but secretly I really wanted to take them).
3 - Is it ever okay to take home something you brought that doesn't get used at a dinner party/event?

[Aeris]

I'm not sure about the other pieces right now, but I am absolutely shocked that it cost you over $60 for the ingredients for pina coladas. It's just rum, coconut milk/cream, and pineapple. How in the world did it cost so much?

I suppose the hostess might have assumed, as I did, that this would be roughly equivalent to bringing a bottle of wine, and had no idea it would cost you that much money. Since she doesn't have a blender, she's probably never actually made them herself (which is a bit silly, as an aside - how can you not realize good pina coladas require a blender? but that's beside the point I suppose...)

[MsMarjorie]

Aeris, I am assuming a bit of ignorance about the cost on the part of the hostess as she is a really lovely lady.
As for the costs, the rum cost over $30 a bottle and I bought quite a bit of pineapple juice, a couple of pineapples, coconut milk and ice because I knew a lot of people were going to be there. 

[Silversurfer]

Well this is what is acceptable and practiced in my social circle.

1. No. Generally the host supplies the expensive things. She could of said "Oh I have the rum, but could you bring some pineapple juice?"

2. Yes, yes, yes. Especially the rum. I would encourage all guests to take home what they had bought that was not used. But if for some reason half a pineapple was used, I probably wouldn't expect someone to take that back with them. (Unless they asked, then no worries.)

3. Yes. Even taking bottles of rum that were only half used for example.

[jadeosan]

I know this is off topic but I now have the pina colada song in my head  

[Nora]

I know this is off topic but I now have the pina colada song in my head  

Me too!

Also, where I live alcohol is so very expensive that taking home the rum would be a very normal thing to do.

[nischi]

In this situation and in my circle of friends it would have been totally okay to take back home your ingredients. But then we're not a very sophisticated bunch, which is why we never have 30 $ rum. More like 10 $... 

[Shoo]

If it were me, I would have taken home everything I'd brought, especially the rum!  In fact, the moment I realized there was no blender, and therefore, no way to make the drinks I brought the ingredients for, I'd have taken it all back out to my car, stating my desire to not have unnecessary stuff in the way, or some such excuse.

[Surianne]

If it were me, I would have taken home everything I'd brought, especially the rum!  In fact, the moment I realized there was no blender, and therefore, no way to make the drinks I brought the ingredients for, I'd have taken it all back out to my car, stating my desire to not have unnecessary stuff in the way, or some such excuse.

Yes, I'd have done the same.

I also wouldn't have any idea the ingredients would cost you so much.  It sounds like the host had that drink in her mind but had never actually made it, so she was just clueless.  In your shoes, I'd have just been honest and explained it was pretty pricey for me to bring that, so I could bring X or Y instead.  I don't know if that would be rude or not, though.

[gramma dishes]

I agree with Shoo.  Except sadly I'd have never thought of it at the time.     I can always think of the perfect response about three days after the fact. 

[Sway]

I think it was rude of your host to ask you to bring that much. Regardless of the cost, it just seems rude to me to ask a guest to bring something so specialized and in a large amount. I can see responding that if someone really wanted to bring something they could contribute a small appetizer or side dish. I can even see asking someone if they'd be willing to bring along their specialty that is hard to replicate or buy. Something about asking someone to provide all the ingredients for a particular cocktail to be made for a number of guests rubs me the wrong way. It's like the hostess didn't want to do her job.

I also think that when she asked, you could have said that it would be prohibitively expensive for you.

Yes it would be fine to take it home with you...especially since it was unopened.

I know that many times the proper thing to do is to leave your contribution or at least to ask the host/ess what they'd like you to do, but the norm among my circle is to take them home with you. If I were uncertain, I would ask what the hostess wanted me to do with the leftovers. But things that weren't even opened or touched after they had requested that I bring them, I'd just inform them that I had a use for them and take them with me.

BTW, I don't have a blender and make my margaritas and pina coladas etc on the rocks. I prefer them that way. If you run into this in the future, you can still get your booze on!

[PoliteTeacher]

I am not sure what the official etiquette is on this but I always leave anything I bring that has been used, usually food. What you brought was so expensive and untouched that I would have taken it with me. I would say that the hostess should not have asked you to bring something so expensive or involved (that's a lot to have to buy) but maybe she did not know the expense involved.

[Piratelvr1121]

Only time I'd bring it home is if the host encourages it!   Ie:  "Hey you know we're not big rum drinkers here, so why don't you take this bottle with you cause it won't get used here!"

[QueenofAllThings]

Since you asked if you could bring something, it's difficult to get upset about it - though that's quite an assumption on the hostess' part (once had someone ask me to bring the entree.... )
Shoo's right on the money - "What? No blender? Wish I'd known - could have brought mine. Let me just get all of this out of your way...". Either that, or mix up a big batch of planter's punch....

[high dudgeon]

I think the host was rude to ask you to bring so much. And I don't think there would have been anything wrong with saying, "That's really more than I can handle. How about if I just bring the pineapple juice?" And I also don't think there was anything wrong with saying, "Oh you don't have a blender? But I thought we were having pina coladas? Oh well, then I'll just leave the juice here and put the rest back in the car."