Author Topic: Pregnancy Related...  (Read 13133 times)

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CakeEater

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #15 on: August 24, 2010, 07:06:02 PM »
It never occured to me until last year when we celebrated my grandparents' 60th anniversary and my Dad's 60th birthday 10 months later, that the two events were so close. I just felt kind of sorry for my grandparents. I loved being married for a while before having a a baby.

Paper Roses

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #16 on: August 24, 2010, 08:02:14 PM »
Oh yeah, been there. 

We had reasons to believe we would have difficulty conceiving, so we decided to start trying as right after we got married.  (Our reasoning was that, if we just couldn't conceive and/or decided to adopt, we were probably looking at several years before we had our first child, and while there's nothing wrong with being older first-time parents, we wanted to start younger, since we wanted more than one child.)  And, may I add, we were engaged for almost 2 years, so it wasn't like we rushed into anything.

Anyway, we were married in April, and I was pregnant by October.  My son was due in June, but was born 4 weeks early, in mid-May (2 weeks and one day after our first anniversary, to be exact.)

Add to that the fact that he was a big kid (7 lb 3 oz at birth, which isn't that big, but is is for being 4 weeks early) and he just grew, and grew, and grew - everyone thought he was older than he was - yes, we got the sideways looks and raised eyebrows. 

There were times when I wanted to just flat out say, "No, I WASN'T pregnant when I got married!" because it was that obvious that's what people were thinking. 

Even if he was full term when he was born, I STILL couldn't have been pregnant at the wedding anyway; but of course, no one wanted to hear that.
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kethria

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #17 on: August 26, 2010, 09:09:17 AM »
leila was born 9 days after our first anniversary, and I got the "honeymoon baby" thing too. I had to laugh when a woman at my church said "Well honey all I know is that the first baby can come at any time after the wedding. The second baby waits at least 9 months though..."  ::)

jassou

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #18 on: August 26, 2010, 11:24:12 AM »
I also don't really understand why the mention of 'honeymoom baby' would be unsulting? We've been TTC for a long time and I eventually got pregnant during our honeymoon. (we had lived together for about eight years before we decided an official declaration of our civil status was in order  :))

Everybody will know it's a honeymoon baby or will think that I was pregnant at the time we got married. I don't care either way, let them think what they want. We consider this pregnancy the best wedding gift of the lot, and would shout it from the rooftops if people would care to hear (but I don't think they would). If I would act insulted, that, to me, would imply I would be embarressed at having sex before marriage, or something like that? I would file comments like that in the 'oh, well' compartment. Not worth to really react to, it's only conversational.

ETA: unless the comments are made with the object to make out whether the baby was conceived before marriage or not, and based on the conclusion, made judgemental comments about that. So I suppose it would depend on intent.
« Last Edit: August 26, 2010, 11:28:31 AM by jassou »

PurpleFrog

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #19 on: August 26, 2010, 02:34:09 PM »
I never though of the term honeymoon baby as offensive either. Maybe its a regional/religious type thing?
I have a good friend who's baby was born 2 weeks before mine. It's a standing joke that as neither of us are married her engagement baby is the winner. I enjoy opinion out that its only by 20 min....
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MrsJWine

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #20 on: August 26, 2010, 02:41:35 PM »
I don't think the term is offensive in and of itself.  It's pretty easy to calculate nine months back without really thinking about it, anyway; I wouldn't assume that someone deliberately counted just to be a jerk. 

It's when you're newly married and have an obvious pregnant belly, and Judgy McJudgerson has to count down to the exact week, just to be *sure* you didn't do the deed before you were supposed to.  And if it's really close, they say the "honeymoon" part with enough sarcasm that it implies they don't actually believe that it was the honeymoon.  It's even more fun when the baby is a little early.  Three weeks early + two weeks of "pregnancy" before the baby is actually conceived can really get some people talking.

This hasn't happened to me (we had our first after being married 5 years, but I did have many people--restaurant patrons especially--assume I was too young to be married, so I do understand a bit), but it has happened to friends of mine.  It's especially irritating when it's done to expectant/new parents who don't believe it's right to have sex before marriage.  Not only is it used to imply that since they cut it *too* close they probably had a shotgun wedding, but it also implies that they're hypocrites as well.


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Mahdoumi

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #21 on: August 29, 2010, 11:38:08 PM »
Well, alot of times people refer to "Honeymoon babies" when talking about any child concieved within the first few months to first year of marriage, not necessarily exactly during the honeymoon. I was referred to quite a bit as a "honeymoon baby" because I was born 11 months after my parents married, and because I was not planned.


I guess my younger DD is a honeymoon baby since she was born 10 months after the wedding (albeit two months premature).  However, what I got was, "Ah!  A change-of-life baby!"  BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!   >:(

CakeEater

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #22 on: August 30, 2010, 01:06:55 AM »
I also don't really understand why the mention of 'honeymoom baby' would be unsulting? We've been TTC for a long time and I eventually got pregnant during our honeymoon. (we had lived together for about eight years before we decided an official declaration of our civil status was in order  :))

If the couple was religious, it would be insulting to imply they were getting up to something before they should have.

There also might be an implication that you were playing scarbble so frequently and with such enthusiasm while on your honeymoon that you couldn't help but conceive.

I just find it icky that people are working backwards and trying to find out when you've been playing scrabble.


LadyPekoe

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #23 on: August 30, 2010, 03:36:40 PM »
When my best guy friend, Ed, told me his wife was pregnant, I counted and asked him if she got pregnant at my wedding.  He laughed and said it was the next week, that they took as their honeymoon :)  I would never say anything of the sort to someone I didn't have a very close rel@tionship with though.  And I wouldn't count because, frankly, I tend not to care that much :)
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567Kate

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #24 on: August 30, 2010, 03:49:22 PM »
I also don't really understand why the mention of 'honeymoom baby' would be unsulting? We've been TTC for a long time and I eventually got pregnant during our honeymoon. (we had lived together for about eight years before we decided an official declaration of our civil status was in order  :))

If the couple was religious, it would be insulting to imply they were getting up to something before they should have.

There also might be an implication that you were playing scarbble so frequently and with such enthusiasm while on your honeymoon that you couldn't help but conceive.

I just find it icky that people are working backwards and trying to find out when you've been playing scrabble.



In the "Do you know how?" thread under Classics, people have pointed out that nosy relatives don't seem to think about what they're really saying when they talk about wanting grandkids. There's a bit of a disconnect in people's minds between playing scrabble and getting pregnant, even though the one leads to the other.

I might do some math in my head when I find out a friend is pregnant, but it's not to be nasty. It's more like, if someone says "We're having a baby in March!" I'll figure out how far along they are now. It's almost automatic.

hannahmollysmom

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #25 on: August 30, 2010, 03:51:13 PM »
My daughter decided 4 weeks ago to get married in 6 weeks. (9/11). The first thing people asked is, was she pregnant. No she is not, but she has been with this guy since high school (she is almost 24) and decided she wants to start a family and thought getting married first was a good idea. Just because someone isn't planning their wedding a year and a half ahead, does not mean they are pregnant. I was rather insulted. Not that she could have been pregnant, as I would have still accepted it just fine, but that people assumed so. That is rude.

The next question was why 9/11? Well, it was the only day the chapel she wanted was available. She was concerned but I told her that people also need something good to celebrate on a date that was considered sad. Life does go on.

Besides, I can't wait to be a grammie! ;D

Sophia

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #26 on: August 30, 2010, 05:35:46 PM »
...The next question was why 9/11? Well, it was the only day the chapel she wanted was available. She was concerned but I told her that people also need something good to celebrate on a date that was considered sad. Life does go on.

Besides, I can't wait to be a grammie! ;D

We are having a meet-the-baby open house that day for many of the same reasons.  Plus I figure people are less likely to have other party plans that day. 

Brentwood

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #27 on: August 30, 2010, 05:47:31 PM »
While I find the idea of a "honeymoon baby" sweet and charming, if people are using it as a way to express disapproval, they should just keep their mouths shut.

I planned a wedding while pregnant - a wedding that would have taken place two months before my daughter was born, had my fiance not backed out. My child was born while I was unmarried and I remained unmarried for a number of years. She grew up and had a baby before having a wedding also (the baby will be 2 on 9/10 and their first anniversary is two days later). I know I was judged for having a baby "out of wedlock", and I'm sure some people judge me because my daughter grew up to do the same thing, undoubtedly as a result of poor parenting on my part. Those people are welcome to their views, as long as they keep them to themselves.

hannahmollysmom

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #28 on: August 30, 2010, 09:01:12 PM »
{{{Cathy}}}

Any child born of love and cared for is special. I hope my post didn't insult anyone who had a child without being married (notice I did not use "out of wedlock", as I find that offensive) I was just insulted that people automatically assumed that is the reason for a sudden wedding.

Years ago, weddings were not planned years in advance and "honeymoon" babies were hoped for. I find todays counting dates etc. rude and really none of anyone's business. By the way, I have a friend who got pregnant on her honeymoon and named her child for the city she was concieved in..."Sydney".

GoldenGemini

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Re: Pregnancy Related...
« Reply #29 on: August 30, 2010, 11:45:19 PM »
While I find the idea of a "honeymoon baby" sweet and charming, if people are using it as a way to express disapproval, they should just keep their mouths shut.

I planned a wedding while pregnant - a wedding that would have taken place two months before my daughter was born, had my fiance not backed out. My child was born while I was unmarried and I remained unmarried for a number of years. She grew up and had a baby before having a wedding also (the baby will be 2 on 9/10 and their first anniversary is two days later). I know I was judged for having a baby "out of wedlock", and I'm sure some people judge me because my daughter grew up to do the same thing, undoubtedly as a result of poor parenting on my part. Those people are welcome to their views, as long as they keep them to themselves.

You know, I knew that you had your daughter while you were not married, and I knew she had her gorgeous little boy before her wedding, and yet it never occurred to me to link those events.  Huh. Some people just work differently, don't they?


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