Author Topic: Insensitive comment (or am I over-reacting?) :-/  (Read 3839 times)

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Jolie_kitten

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Insensitive comment (or am I over-reacting?) :-/
« on: July 24, 2010, 10:46:25 AM »
My friend G is getting married in september. My friend J got engaged last month.
So, today my aunt asks me abut it:
Aunt:So, what weddings you said you were attending this summer, again?
Me: There's G's wedding in September.
Aunt: Oh, and whgat about J?
Me: Well.. Next year, or in two years' time... It's not set yet, they just got engaged.
Aunt:Oh welll... Engagements are also broken sometimes.
(note: Aunt hasn't met J and knows absolutely nothing about her relationship)

Now: Is it just me? I find this remark to be very cruel and insensitive; I do understand that some people sometimes do break up after getting engaged, but honestly- bringing this up first thing after hearing of someone's engagement feels WAAAAY off to me.
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Nibsey

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Re: Insensitive comment (or am I over-reacting?) :-/
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2010, 10:54:56 AM »
I don't find it insensitive but slighty wierd and random. Many she meant it like don't plan for anything yet? Like, don't make plans until closer to the date because things like break up happen? Tone may have made a difference.
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Amava

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Re: Insensitive comment (or am I over-reacting?) :-/
« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2010, 11:02:59 AM »
At least she didn't say it in J.'s presence.

MrsO

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Re: Insensitive comment (or am I over-reacting?) :-/
« Reply #3 on: July 24, 2010, 11:06:56 AM »
Hmm. I think it was a bit of an odd comment to make, but since she didn't say it to/in front of J, I don't think it was particularly cruel or insensitive (assuming you wouldn't tell J, obviously).

Mina

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Re: Insensitive comment (or am I over-reacting?) :-/
« Reply #4 on: July 24, 2010, 08:57:47 PM »
I'd go with odd, but not rude or insensitive.  If she met J and J's fiancee and then made that comment based on her opinion of them as a couple, that would be rude.

Hanna

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Re: Insensitive comment (or am I over-reacting?) :-/
« Reply #5 on: July 24, 2010, 09:01:17 PM »
Tiresome and yes, I think it is poor form.

Jolie_kitten

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Re: Insensitive comment (or am I over-reacting?) :-/
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2010, 08:16:59 AM »
I'd go with odd, but not rude or insensitive.  If she met J and J's fiancee and then made that comment based on her opinion of them as a couple, that would be rude.
I tend to see it kind of differently- I think it is kind of worse when you don't know the couple; as your assumption is basically based on nothing at all.
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MaggieB

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Re: Insensitive comment (or am I over-reacting?) :-/
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2010, 08:32:54 AM »
I think calling that comment "cruel" is a huge overreaction.  She didn't say "Who would marry J?  $10 says they won't make it to the aisle!"  She heard that there were plans (vague at this point) for people she doesn't know to marry sometime in the next year or two and made the observation that those plans don't always work out.  

I think it would have been insensitive to say that in front of J.  But as it stands...I really don't see the big deal.

I'd go with odd, but not rude or insensitive.  If she met J and J's fiancee and then made that comment based on her opinion of them as a couple, that would be rude.
I tend to see it kind of differently- I think it is kind of worse when you don't know the couple; as your assumption is basically based on nothing at all.

I think the fact that she doesn't know the couple makes it an observation about rel@tionships in general and not at all an assumption about your friends.  She spoke very generally.  She wasn't attacking anyone.
« Last Edit: July 27, 2010, 04:47:26 PM by MaggieB »

sparklestar

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Re: Insensitive comment (or am I over-reacting?) :-/
« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2010, 02:10:07 AM »
That's the way I took it too MaggieB.  In my experience those who have long engagements and no concrete plans don't actually make it down the aisle - perhaps Aunt also has noticed this.  Interestingly there was a newspaper article the other day about some research showing that couples who got married tended to have dated for three years or less before getting engaged, which seems to support Aunt's theory.

shhh its me

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Re: Insensitive comment (or am I over-reacting?) :-/
« Reply #9 on: July 28, 2010, 02:21:13 AM »
I'd go with odd, but not rude or insensitive.  If she met J and J's fiancee and then made that comment based on her opinion of them as a couple, that would be rude.
I tend to see it kind of differently- I think it is kind of worse when you don't know the couple; as your assumption is basically based on nothing at all.

This is were I think your reading more into the comment then was meant. It's not an assumption that THIS couple wont actually get married just a random general comment that not all long engagement end in marriage.