My kid didn't party in your house update p. 10

[Balletmom]

My younger DD has been housesitting my brother (Uncle's) house. I drive her over and help her. Last night, we noticed that the door we had closed from kitchen to mudroom was open; the mail on the table was moved, all the lights were off.

I texted my brother immediately and said, "either your house is haunted or someone has a key to your house."

He texted back no one has a key but his teen that was with him, and his daughter in another state.

Tonight when he came home, he called to say that someone had a party in his house. The vodka from his freezer was gone, there were plastic cups in the bedroom, the bed was remade, etc.

Anyhoo, my brother is saying that it had to be oldest DD. We not only confronted DD about it (she's not a partier, but still) and she denied it.

We then made a timeline of her week and confirmed with the parent where she spent the night that she was there all night. (DD was grounded from her car, and the other girl doesn't drive, as well.)

We are really angry and upset because it's obvious that my brother doesn't believe us; he thinks we're just in denial.

As a side note, it's not uncommon in this neighborhood for, when the kids of a house are out of town, their friends come and party in the house. It happened to one of younger DD's friends. So it's also possible that my nephew's friends were the ones who were there; and his crowd is much more of partiers.

(DD can't sneak out because we have an alarm system.)

Now, DD wants to quit her job (Uncle is the general manager where she works) because she's so upset. I don't want to accept any money Brother may offer younger DD for house sitting; if he does.

Again, it's not that I believe my child no matter what else. It's that we've completely accounted for her where abouts, who had the key, and verified her location when she was away from us.

[charlotte26]

Does your brother keep any keys hidden around in case of an emergency and did he make 100 perecent sure that his son had the key on him.

[chibichan]

Keys can be copied . Son could easily have had an extra one made , and hidden it somewhere himself .

If you can account for DD's whereabouts , have her sit down with you and your brother and state her case .
Can you check with the neighbors and ask if they noticed anything - cars or specific kids they may have recognized ?

Let her Uncle know how upset she is that he does not believe her . If he does offer money - take it . She rendered him a service , is innocent of the " crime " and should not lose out because she has been falsely accused .

However , this should be the last time she offers to housesit for him .

 

[Balletmom]

It was younger DD that was housesitting, Uncle thinks that Older DD took advantage of the key.

We've physically accounted for every minute of DD's whereabout this week; we've confirmed it with the parents when she was at other kids' houses. We've even accounted for when she could have got to the keys. It all backs up DD's word.

I can't really check with the neighbors; my guess is that the kids who came may very well have walked over or parked down the street or around the corner. (We've caught kids trying to do this at our house, so I wouldn't be surprised if that happened.)

Younger DD will definitely not house sit, not that she'll probably be asked. The big ugly coming up is that older DD doesn't want to go to work next week, and I can't blame her, but this will involve telling my father, and all h**** will break loose. I am telling her that she is innocent so quitting may make her look guilty.

I told my brother that DD was extremely upset that I even questioned her about this because she is not a partier. She has her issues, but her crowd does not drink and it is a big deal with them. Of course, my brother just thought I was in denial.

[catrunning]

It sounds like it is Uncle who is the one in denial - the guilty party was most likely his his son's friends.

If I were OP, I would tell my brother that I don't want my dd working for him anymore.   Not because she is guilty, but because she was so falsely accused, and you can't trust him around her.    That way, she isn't the one who is quitting - you are making her.   

[kherbert05]

I think the adults should have a face to face conversation on neutral ground. Lay out the timeline for your ODD. Unless you brother has a hidden key that neighbor kids could have found out about it comes down to your kids v his kids (via letting friends have access to the house) as suspects.

You are willing to look at your kids with open eyes, if your brother isn't willing to do the same you are kind of stuck.

Another thing to think about, has a neighbor ever had his keys. Because a neighbor's kid could have had a copy made on a previous trip. Could a neighbor still have a key that was left years ago and forgotten?

POD the idea of asking neighbors if they saw anything.

[D-Banana]

My initial reply would be along the lines of 'Brother we took your concerns very seriously. We've accounted for DD's timeline over the course of the week in detail and it's showing her innocence. If you'd like to go over the timeline with us we can arrange a time. If you don't believe us despite our evidence that's your problem.'

Honestly if she sees her uncle on a day to day basis while at work I wouldn't force her to go. Regardless of all h**** breaking loose, your brother isn't sounding too much like he'd be able to separate the personal from the business side of things. If she doesn't see him often/at all then I'd encourage her to go, but looking for another job might be a good idea. People talk, and if Uncle mentions to other manager-types what his unfounded suspicions are then that could really tarnish her image there.

I also agree with you about accepting money offered. I have no idea how I'd turn it down politely. Evil!D has a lot of things she'd say, but none of them in polite society.

[Master_Edward]

Wow that's a tough situation. I really don't have anything to say because I think everyone's given you good advice already. I'll just say that it's important for you to let your daughter know that you believe her in this situation and that you back her up. The way your brother is acting I don't think there's anything you can say that'll make him believe you or your daughter. Oh, and yes don't ever housesit for him again.

Ed.

[Shoo]

How insulting for your brother to be making these accusations against your daughter!  I mean really. 

If your word and her word aren't good enough for him, then I'm afraid he's just a jerk who doesn't want to admit that it's his own kid who is the culprit. 

I feel sorry for your daughter, having to work with him and make nice and all that when I'm sure she'd rather not have to see or talk to him right now, knowing what he thinks of her.  Maybe her grandfather SHOULD know about this.

[Alex the Seal]

How insulting for your brother to be making these accusations against your daughter!  I mean really. 

If your word and her word aren't good enough for him, then I'm afraid he's just a jerk who doesn't want to admit that it's his own kid who is the culprit. 

I feel sorry for your daughter, having to work with him and make nice and all that when I'm sure she'd rather not have to see or talk to him right now, knowing what he thinks of her.  Maybe her grandfather SHOULD know about this.

I agree. I was much the same sort of teen as your DD, I think, and I would have been so insulted. I'm insulted on her behalf now

Making her quit, as someone suggested, is a good idea, but I also don't think it would look bad for her to quit purely of her own volition. To me, that doesn't say guilty, it says "I am not willing to be around someone who insults me this way". But then I'm not her uncle 

[Lisbeth]

How insulting for your brother to be making these accusations against your daughter!  I mean really. 

If your word and her word aren't good enough for him, then I'm afraid he's just a jerk who doesn't want to admit that it's his own kid who is the culprit. 

I feel sorry for your daughter, having to work with him and make nice and all that when I'm sure she'd rather not have to see or talk to him right now, knowing what he thinks of her.  Maybe her grandfather SHOULD know about this.

I agree. I was much the same sort of teen as your DD, I think, and I would have been so insulted. I'm insulted on her behalf now

Making her quit, as someone suggested, is a good idea, but I also don't think it would look bad for her to quit purely of her own volition. To me, that doesn't say guilty, it says "I am not willing to be around someone who insults me this way". But then I'm not her uncle 

Pod.  I'm insulted for your DD too.  I think your brother is being a jerk at her expense.  Getting another job, on her terms, is probably the best thing she can do.  And it might be well for her grandfather to know what kind of person your brother is.

[bduckie]

this is exactly why my dh and i have a rule- no employing/ working for friends or family.

Keep the personal and professional worlds seperate

[Shores]

I understand how insulting it must be for your brother to accuse your daughters of this, but I really feel for him as well. I mean, think of it from his point of view. He entrusted his house to a teenager and came home to evidence of someone abusing his home and property. If his children are looking him in the eye and saying "we never gave anyone a key" and his nieces are looking him in the eye and saying "it wasn't us", he's really stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's easy to say "well, we can prove it and we trust our kids", but if he has no reason not to trust his OWN kids... in the end, it absolutely makes sense that he's going to trust his own child over someone else's. He must be beyond himself knowing that people were drinking in his home, possibly causing serious legal trouble for him.

I realize it's easy to be angry and insulted, but what can you honestly expect but for him not to believe you? He may absolutely be in the wrong, but if it comes down to believing his child or someone else's... can you blame him?

[still in va]

I understand how insulting it must be for your brother to accuse your daughters of this, but I really feel for him as well. I mean, think of it from his point of view. He entrusted his house to a teenager and came home to evidence of someone abusing his home and property. If his children are looking him in the eye and saying "we never gave anyone a key" and his nieces are looking him in the eye and saying "it wasn't us", he's really stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's easy to say "well, we can prove it and we trust our kids", but if he has no reason not to trust his OWN kids... in the end, it absolutely makes sense that he's going to trust his own child over someone else's. He must be beyond himself knowing that people were drinking in his home, possibly causing serious legal trouble for him.

I realize it's easy to be angry and insulted, but what can you honestly expect but for him not to believe you? He may absolutely be in the wrong, but if it comes down to believing his child or someone else's... can you blame him?

i can blame him that he refuses to accept that one of his kids might have given a copy of a house key to one of his friends, since the OP states that there have been problems before with friends of the kids of vacationeers partying in empty houses.  BalletMom can account for her kids, Uncle can count for his.  so perhaps we need to look elsewhere?

[Shores]

I understand how insulting it must be for your brother to accuse your daughters of this, but I really feel for him as well. I mean, think of it from his point of view. He entrusted his house to a teenager and came home to evidence of someone abusing his home and property. If his children are looking him in the eye and saying "we never gave anyone a key" and his nieces are looking him in the eye and saying "it wasn't us", he's really stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's easy to say "well, we can prove it and we trust our kids", but if he has no reason not to trust his OWN kids... in the end, it absolutely makes sense that he's going to trust his own child over someone else's. He must be beyond himself knowing that people were drinking in his home, possibly causing serious legal trouble for him.

I realize it's easy to be angry and insulted, but what can you honestly expect but for him not to believe you? He may absolutely be in the wrong, but if it comes down to believing his child or someone else's... can you blame him?

i can blame him that he refuses to accept that one of his kids might have given a copy of a house key to one of his friends, since the OP states that there have been problems before with friends of the kids of vacationeers partying in empty houses.  BalletMom can account for her kids, Uncle can count for his.  so perhaps we need to look elsewhere?

But that's common in the neighborhood. The OP states nothing about her brother's children being involved in that in any way. That's like saying if a teen's parent's car gets vandalized, they must be suspects simply because other teens in the area have vandalized cars. If his child looks him in the eye and swears that they have never given a copy of the key to anyone and that child has no history of lying to their parents, I can't blame a parent for believing them.

At this point, unless someone fesses up or the brother discovers that the house was actually broken INTO by those roving teens, I think everyone needs to chalk it up to a mystery and move on. The brother is entitled to believe his children, but if the family wants peace, all adults should drop the subject entirely and not accuse each other's kids.