Present swap meanies

[Tabris]

Scene: The Karate Christmas Party
Participants: Karate students, their parents, their siblings, and their instructors
The setting: In front of the Christmas tree, with a pile of presents.

{Karate instructor stands and gets the kids' attention.}
"Now it's time for the present swap. As I've already explained, this is for the kids who brought presents, so they can take home a present. Did all of you bring presents? If you didn't bring a present for the swap, you need to get out of the present swap now. THis is only for children who brought a present to swap. Okay, now, are the rest of you sure you should be in this group? Because if you didn't bring a present and you take a present, that means a kid who brought a present won't be able to receive one because there won't be enough presents to go around. That happened last year, and we don't want it to happen again. Okay? So all of you brought presents, right?"

{Please don't roll your eyes. I'll cut to the chase: they give out all the presents and they're one present short.}

{One karate instructor goes into the office where she'd procured a few wrapped presents for when this happened, since she's smart.}

Now for my question: what kind of SELFISH, STUPID, NASTY and MEAN parent does this? These parents all
a) had been given the notice
b) understood English
c) were standing RIGHT THERE with their kids
and
d) one of them allowed his or her kid to take a present without having brought one even after the consequences were explained.

Of course, there *were* no consequences because one of the senseis stepped in. But if she hadn't been proactive like that, some kid would have gone home miserable because someone didn't follow the rules.

Dear conscience-free parents: just stay the hell home next time, okay? Keep your selfish mitts to yourself and tell your kids that a present SWAP means they BRING SOMETHING and then TAKE SOMETHING HOME, not that some kid brings something and goes home empty-handed while you saunter around thinking you got free loot for your kid. One of the values they teach at the karate studio is generosity, but that doesn't mean everyone has to be generous to your kid. You should be proactive on that score too. Love, Tabris

UGH!

I'm going to suggest to them that next year, they hand out a ticket to each kid who brings a gift, and each kid only receives a gift when he presents his ticket to get one.

On the bright side, the kid who got the gift we brought was the first to open his, and he shrieked with delight, "I LOVE THIS GAME!" and proceeded to hug it to his chest for the remainder of the evening. I think that's the first time a gift we've brought to a present-swap has gone over that well, and I'm thrilled for the kid.

[kherbert05]

I think the ticket idea is a good one. Are they in their uniforms? If they are where would they keep the ticket - no pockets, no socks, if they tuck it into their belt it might drop it and lose it.

May I suggest a revision as they turn in their present, they get a ticket. They put their name on the ticket, and drop it into a bowl (or have a boy bowl and girl bowl). WHen it is time to exchange the adult pulls the tickets out to determine the order.

[Yarnspinner]

Tabris,

This kind of behavior just burns my biscuits.  But kudos to the sensei who had sense.  What a rotten thing to model and teach your kids.  Is there just an incredible sense of entitlement out there or are people really that stupid, mean, nasty and clueless?  I have no suggestions, but I fear for a world run by the children raised by this sort of parent.  

Slight story hijack: Years ago, the director pulled a similar stunt at the Library Christmas party.  The swap was as follows:  those with gifts got into a circle and passed the gifts to the left every time the word "the" was read from "The Night Before Christmas.  Director didn't bring a gift with her.  Instead, when the swap was announced, she grabbed SOMEONE ELSE'S gift as they were reaching for it, got in the circle and proceeded to TOSS the gifts to the person on her left and sometimes in the wrong direction.  She dropped a lovely glass bottle of bath salts that smashed, laughed it off and went right on.  Head of the library. Stole someone's gift. Broke another. Kept what she got. Deprived two people of gifts.  No apology.  And she wondered why we were all glad to see her go.  Character and integrity...not so important there.

In any event, I loved your tale of the little fellow who got the game you gave.  It gave me warm fuzzies and moist eyes.  Doesn't it make your heart swell four sizes when you see something like that?  THAT's
what it's all about--and those idiot parents have deprived their child of that.  *sigh*  My blood pressure is rising now and there's work to do, so I will just wish you and yours a Merry Merry and a Happy Happy.

Best of the Holidaze to you from Lily Such

[pblair38]

Like others have said, it's the adults that usually have the problem.  Several years ago, I organized an office holiday party with an admin from another company in our building (we were a huge vendor of theirs, worked very closely with them, and both companies were exceedingly small, so it made sense to celebrate together).  A "Competitive Gift Exchange" was announced and most people brought gifts.  We should have had everyone "check in" and kept some sort of record, but when you're trying to oversee food, drinks, decorations, music, etc., - well, we didn't, beyond having people put their present on a table and pick up a numbered slip of paper.

Fast forward to the end of the game.  The money limit on the gifts was $10.  It became obvious to the other admin and I that there was one fewer present than person participating.  I went over to my DH, asked him if he had any cash - he happened to have a $10 bill.  I found a gift bag from something that had already been "taken", tossed the cash in there with some tissue, and it ended up being a very popular gift.  But sheesh - we're all adults, mostly college educated, working with technology - can't you understand that if you don't bring a present, you don't participate!!??

Penny

[Clara Bow]

I'm not even remotely surprised by this story and I'm surprised that you guys are. This kind of thing happens all the time, there are parents out there who think nothing of ruining someone else's treat because Little Precious Angelbaby is more deserving, rules or not.
I think the sensei should have found out who didn't bring a gift and took one anyway and strip that person of one color's worth of belt for his dishonesty. I also think that their parents should have been censured as well. Of course, I'm speaking in perfect world generalities here...
I like the ticket idea.
I hope that whatever present that mystery kid stole breaks the first time he uses it and gives him a rash.

[IndianInlaw]

If it came down to their little Yanni not getting a gift and someone else's kid not getting a gift...ya know?

"Now for my question: what kind of SELFISH, STUPID, NASTY and MEAN parent does this?"

You answered your own question.

[Balletmom]

OH, how awful.

It shouldn't surprise me, since last year at my classroom book exchange, we had one student who did not bring a book (I had a couple extra wrapped and ready) but was upset with the book he received. He had some "issues" but the basic concepts of many things  had just simply not been taught or modeled to him.
"Raised by wolves" is a good way to describe him, but looking at the family and interacting with them, you would never guess that.

Sad, isn't it?

Another alternative is that the kids who brought presents, when the time for the swap comes, go and get their own presents. THEN they swap or pass them around the circle or put them in the middle of the floor.

[Secret]

I still remember this happening to me in Kindergarten!  One girl forgot and the teachers allowed her to particpate anyway.  So what happened, I got stuck without the present.  I was trying to be nice about it, but even in my 5 year old brain, I remember thinking, "well if she didn't bring one, why does she get to take one home and I'm stuck with nothing and I brought one? 

Someone did find a present and I still remember I got those chocolate mint sticks (and loved them). 

[ZipTheWonder]

"....and if we're short one gift at the end, we'll have no choice but to return the original gifts to whoever brought them, so that we can be sure that we don't leave out those who participated in bringing a gift."

[Clara Bow]

And woe to the child who was dishonest enough to take without giving in return.

[ZipTheWonder]

Exactly.

[lolane]

This is why I dislike gift exchanges amongst kids where parents are responsible for bringing the gifts.

Well, while I agree that the parent who allowed this to happen was selfish and should have spoken up. Imagine the scenario this way:

One child's parents does not bring a gift through no fault of the child. The instructor does the whole speech about if you didn't bring one you can't have one and this one child has to step to the side while the rest of the children engage in gift giving fun. Sure, it's the parents fault that the child is left out, but do you really think the kid is going to understand that? To me it just seems like a mean-spirited thing to do, so my advice would be to drop the gift-exchange in the future.

[ZipTheWonder]

I fully expect that my bad decisions with respect to my child will play out badly for him, through no fault of his own.  Yes, I feel bad about it when it happens, but nobody else bails either of us out of it.  And you know what?  Watching my child pay for my bad decisions shapes me into a person who tries to make a better choice the next time.

[freakyfemme]

I'm not even remotely surprised by this story and I'm surprised that you guys are. This kind of thing happens all the time, there are parents out there who think nothing of ruining someone else's treat because Little Precious Angelbaby is more deserving, rules or not.
I think the sensei should have found out who didn't bring a gift and took one anyway and strip that person of one color's worth of belt for his dishonesty. I also think that their parents should have been censured as well. Of course, I'm speaking in perfect world generalities here...
I like the ticket idea.
I hope that whatever present that mystery kid stole breaks the first time he uses it and gives him a rash.

Well, I don't know about the bumping back a belt level idea, because a) At that age, it's as much the parent's fault as the child's, if not more, since the parent is the one buying the gift (or not), and b) Rudeness has no bearing on karate ability, but there *should* be repercussions, whether they come in the form of a stern talking-to from the sensei, or missing out on the next tournament, party, or fun activity that's planned.

[freakyfemme]

I still remember this happening to me in Kindergarten!  One girl forgot and the teachers allowed her to particpate anyway.  So what happened, I got stuck without the present.  I was trying to be nice about it, but even in my 5 year old brain, I remember thinking, "well if she didn't bring one, why does she get to take one home and I'm stuck with nothing and I brought one? 

Someone did find a present and I still remember I got those chocolate mint sticks (and loved them). 

That happened to me in grade seven, but it was nobody's fault, there were just an odd number of people participating.  The teacher (who was AWESOME, by the way) dug out a free pizza coupon from somewhere and gave it to me, and life went on.....but during the swap, I remember thinking, "Okay, I brought a present, but I didn't get one, what's going on here?"  But then, I didn't expect the problem to be rectified, so I was happy when it was.