Rude vs. Annoying

[jimithing]

I want to state very clearly upfront that I am not calling any one poster out. I wanted to start this thread in response to a trend I've seen in the past couple of weeks, as I have seen 4-5 threads, in several different folders, that seem to be discussing an issue that is more annoying, than actually rude.

My impression was that we discuss behaviors that are actually rude, rather than annoying. Is there a place for threads that find something annoying? I have to say, several of these threads have provided a lot of interesting discussion, and ones that I have been actively participating in.

But I'm also wondering, could these threads be construed as a rant? A few of them are many pages long, and so I wondered if they are considered OK under the forum rules.

[Wavicle]

Often times things that are annoying are rude and the only difference is whether most people get annoyed by it or if it is reasonable to be annoyed by it. I think it is often interesting to discuss when things turn from personal pet peeves into rudeness, and it is nice to be able to use

I think sometimes these are rants under the guise of a question. I believe the mods still consider it a rant even if they tack on a "So am I totally unreasonable in thinking it is rude to spit in my face?" or "Is it acceptable now to trip blind elderly ladies?" so if you think it is more rant than an honest question or topic for discussion I would report it.

ETA: I used examples that are clearly rude because I couldn't think of anything obnoxious but definitely not rude.

[Aeris]

Often times things that are annoying are rude and the only difference is whether most people get annoyed by it or if it is reasonable to be annoyed by it. I think it is often interesting to discuss when things turn from personal pet peeves into rudeness, and it is nice to be able to use

I think sometimes these are rants under the guise of a question. I believe the mods still consider it a rant even if they tack on a "So am I totally unreasonable in thinking it is rude to spit in my face?" or "Is it acceptable now to trip blind elderly ladies?" so if you think it is more rant than an honest question or topic for discussion I would report it.

Yes, I think when there's a genuine question of 'is this rude or just annoying, where is the line?', then it's completely appropriate for this forum. It's just when people post about things that they seem to *know* are not rude and merely annoying that it becomes pretty indistinguishable from a rant, I believe.

[hobish]

I think there are often times where some people think an action/phrase/something is rude whereas others think it is merely annoying and not really a matter of etiquette. Region plays a part in that a lot of time, i think, not just on this board but in general.

[Dindrane]

Often times things that are annoying are rude and the only difference is whether most people get annoyed by it or if it is reasonable to be annoyed by it. I think it is often interesting to discuss when things turn from personal pet peeves into rudeness, and it is nice to be able to use

I think sometimes these are rants under the guise of a question. I believe the mods still consider it a rant even if they tack on a "So am I totally unreasonable in thinking it is rude to spit in my face?" or "Is it acceptable now to trip blind elderly ladies?" so if you think it is more rant than an honest question or topic for discussion I would report it.

Yes, I think when there's a genuine question of 'is this rude or just annoying, where is the line?', then it's completely appropriate for this forum. It's just when people post about things that they seem to *know* are not rude and merely annoying that it becomes pretty indistinguishable from a rant, I believe.

Alternatively, I think it's germane to the forum to ask how one can respond to Annoying Thing in the most polite way possible.

But other than those two questions, I do think that a thread about something that is simply annoying can become a rant pretty easily.

[DottyG]

I do think that a thread about something that is simply annoying can become a rant pretty easily.

Which I do think it has in several recent threads we've had.

[MadMadge43]

I actually think the two are pretty interchangeable and I think it's interesting how many different opinions there are on it.

[Dindrane]

I do think that a thread about something that is simply annoying can become a rant pretty easily.

Which I do think it has in several recent threads we've had.

I can't call any to mind offhand, but it wouldn't surprise me.

Of course, I do think we should all be mindful of something else which sometimes happens: Poster writes about something that Poster is truly convinced is rude, and wants to know what to do.  Responders all chime in and say, yeah, that's not really rude, it's just annoying.  Poster then revises opinion about how rude the original thing was, but still wants to know how to respond.

I don't think something like ought to count as a rant, and I think that's one reason why threads like jimithing is talking about might be kind of tricky.  I don't know that it's always clear that the poster knows a thing is just annoying, and is not in fact actually convinced it's rude.

[DottyG]

Of course, I do think we should all be mindful of something else which sometimes happens: Poster writes about something that Poster is truly convinced is rude, and wants to know what to do.  Responders all chime in and say, yeah, that's not really rude, it's just annoying.  Poster then revises opinion about how rude the original thing was, but still wants to know how to respond.

Hmmmm....you have a good point.

[jimithing]

Often times things that are annoying are rude and the only difference is whether most people get annoyed by it or if it is reasonable to be annoyed by it. I think it is often interesting to discuss when things turn from personal pet peeves into rudeness, and it is nice to be able to use

I think sometimes these are rants under the guise of a question. I believe the mods still consider it a rant even if they tack on a "So am I totally unreasonable in thinking it is rude to spit in my face?" or "Is it acceptable now to trip blind elderly ladies?" so if you think it is more rant than an honest question or topic for discussion I would report it.

Yes, I think when there's a genuine question of 'is this rude or just annoying, where is the line?', then it's completely appropriate for this forum. It's just when people post about things that they seem to *know* are not rude and merely annoying that it becomes pretty indistinguishable from a rant, I believe.

I've seen a few threads where the person admits they know it's not rude, but annoying. I guess I am wondering more about those threads. Do those fall under rants?

[cass2591]

I think it matters if the OP is asking for advice as to how to deal with the annoyance without being rude, as opposed to just venting about how rude something/someone else is but is powerless to change it.

[Amava]

I don't think threads need to be about rude behaviour, necessarily. It can simply be requests for advice on how to behave or react politely in any situation where one is inconvenienced. So not necessarily "is this person rude to me" questions, but "how can I avoid being rude to this person and still come to a good compromise to solve xyz difficulty".
So the threads don't necessarily need to be about an initial etiquette violation, they can also be about something annoying and how to resolve it without violating etiquette yourself.

I think it matters if the OP is asking for advice as to how to deal with the annoyance without being rude, as opposed to just venting about how rude something/someone else is but is powerless to change it.

Yes, or when the answers and advices make it clear that the OP is not powerless, when actually some sound advice is given, but every advice gets immediately shot down and it becomes clear that the OP is not *willing* to change the situation, just wanting to complain.

[Lisbeth]

Well, I've always thought of a "rant" as a situation where a poster is not looking for advice but wants to vent "Oh how rude they were!" or the like.  They already have a fixed opinion that other posters can't change.

But yeah, I think one can ask if something is rude or for advice on how to deal with a situation that may or not involve actual rudeness without being rude oneself, and yeah, just because something is annoying doesn't make it rude.

[Aeris]

Often times things that are annoying are rude and the only difference is whether most people get annoyed by it or if it is reasonable to be annoyed by it. I think it is often interesting to discuss when things turn from personal pet peeves into rudeness, and it is nice to be able to use

I think sometimes these are rants under the guise of a question. I believe the mods still consider it a rant even if they tack on a "So am I totally unreasonable in thinking it is rude to spit in my face?" or "Is it acceptable now to trip blind elderly ladies?" so if you think it is more rant than an honest question or topic for discussion I would report it.

Yes, I think when there's a genuine question of 'is this rude or just annoying, where is the line?', then it's completely appropriate for this forum. It's just when people post about things that they seem to *know* are not rude and merely annoying that it becomes pretty indistinguishable from a rant, I believe.

I've seen a few threads where the person admits they know it's not rude, but annoying. I guess I am wondering more about those threads. Do those fall under rants?

I think I agree with some other PPs - if the person is looking for advice about how to react to the annoyance politely, that seems appropriate.

But yes, I would think that if a poster is clear that the behavior isn't rude, and ISN'T looking for advice about how to deal with the annoyance politely, it's basically just a rant about a pet peeve.

And strangely, there do seem to be a number of these threads lately.

[Merry Mrs Martin]

  I'm thinking of a Miss Manners letter form unknown time ago, about the time it took to "get sorted" after paying.  The LW had been sniped at for being too slow. While MM agree it was rude to snip she also told the LW an actual minute is too long do try to be faster.  I think there is a gray area
using that letter as an example 5 minutes to sort your coupons , balance your checkbook and resort you credit cards is rude a minute to record a check , put cap on pen , put pen in pen section of purse , zip, put checkbook back in it's section, zip that section, put DL back in slot, zip wallet , snap wallet , put wallet in purse, zip purse is annoying not rude but it's still polite to try to not be annoying.

So I think am I being annoying /do I have any reason to be annoyed? does have a place here.  I'd want to know if my not rude behavior was annoying 90% of the population, I also want to know if I'm annoying by something 90% of the population does/is not bothered by.   Etiquette is always evolving today's annoying might become tomorrows rude.