Author Topic: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In  (Read 28420 times)

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Asharah

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Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« on: July 26, 2010, 09:52:56 PM »
One house up the street from us was Ms. I've Never Seen A Book Before. My husband and I have an extensive library, and as we moved in, we carried numerous boxes of books into the house, along with a relatively small collection of furniture, since I was still in college. We had the necessities: bed, kitchen table, sofa, a few chairs, tons of bookshelves of course. And, as we were moving, we didn't exactly wear designer suits or dresses to carry boxes around--jeans and T-shirts seemed appropriate attire for that task, or so I thought.

Our landlord called us the next day, distraught. It seems the neighbor-lady didn't know what was in all those boxes (clearly marked, "Books-Biochemistry," "Books-American History" etc. in three-inch-high letters), wasn't sure if we were both men or both women or what, but in any case decided that we must be drug peddler hippies looking to ruin the neighborhood (as if that was possible), and she had drawn this conclusion from 1. our many boxes, which could only contain a drug lab 2. our lack of furniture and 3. my small, C-cup bra size. She called the landlord's mother (not him, his mother) and told her she'd better get, and I quote, "those dirty fag hippies outta the neighborhood yer son is rentin' to" or she'd call the cops, and explained her line of reasoning.

The landlord instructed his mother to simply hang up on future calls, but sure enough, not much later, a police officer did indeed show up at the door. He asked politely if everything was all right. I said it was, he looked vaguely around the living room and said a neighbor had called saying "strange people" were creating a disturbance, breaking into a house. I replied that it was our house, he could confirm it with the landlord if he liked, he said that wasn't necessary and went back to more important tasks, like keeping the community safe from arsonists. We later heard her on her front porch, loudly discussing our "offenses" with another neighbor: Other guy: "Well, they in college--seems like I saw books in there when we took the kids trickertreatin'." Rude Neighbor: "Nonsense. Who would ever have so many books? No one needs that many. Besides, license plate says Ohio. Why would anyone from Ohio move here?" Yes, I confess, Ohio is indeed a cultural Mecca. George Voinovich has been trying to keep it a secret, but...  Neighbors0704-02
« Last Edit: April 15, 2011, 09:50:34 PM by Asharah »
Asharah

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2010, 10:20:49 PM »
Your... bra size... indicates your drug/gender/furniture preference??

That is a new one.

Is there a chart anywhere I could refer to? Because I'd hate to be using the wrong end table for my chest measurements. :P
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

TylerBelle

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2010, 11:12:07 PM »
Sounds as though 'Ms. I've Never Seen A Book Before' was the type looking for offense and actually hoped the new neighbors were at least in part like what she feared just so she'd have something to watch, gossip over and generally wail to anyone who'd listen ::).
Always be on the lookout for wonder. --E.B. White

KenveeB

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2010, 11:41:19 PM »
Goodness, I wonder what the neighbors thought whenever I moved into a new place.  When I was in apartments, my books took up more of the U-Haul than the furniture!  Now that I'm in a house, the balance has shifted, but I do have a whole room that's nothing but books. (And bookcases.  And a chair. :))

Lisbeth

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2010, 11:43:48 PM »
Sounds as though 'Ms. I've Never Seen A Book Before' was the type looking for offense and actually hoped the new neighbors were at least in part like what she feared just so she'd have something to watch, gossip over and generally wail to anyone who'd listen ::).

I think she'd have filed complaints with her landlord and the police even if the person moving in was her identical twin sister.
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Clara Bow

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2010, 01:04:01 AM »
Evil bosoms!!! *nod to Granny Annie*

Good grief. She'd have a duck if she saw my parents' book collection. It take up and average of one wall per room in every room of a nine room house...and three walls in Daddy's downstairs office (room 10 if you're technical).
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Nora

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2010, 03:46:42 AM »
Evil bosoms!!!

I love Annie the office Granny! ;D
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

sisbam

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2010, 07:43:52 AM »
Cavorting Snowpeople for Dummies

Jolie_kitten

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2010, 08:31:05 AM »
Oh deaaaar.....

Do beware of people who bring books into their house: they're dangerous communist anarchists anti-patriotic atheists who promote sexual liberation and druge abuse; you know, they're...what's that terrible word... intellectuals. They're a menace for Ms.Neighbour says so- and it's a truth universally acknowledged that this kind of neighbour knows everything.
Where there is cake there is hope. And there is always cake ;)

Amava

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2010, 08:42:08 AM »
Sounds like the Dresser Queen has struck again.

I have a lot of books and a small bra size, too.
Come to think of it, I have a "drug lab", too. My lab(rador) is my happy drug!! :D

Venus193

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2010, 08:44:37 AM »
By the gods.  I have no other words for this.

KitFox

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2010, 08:52:17 AM »
I have just one question:

When did C-cup turn into "small?" I always thought C was average.

Mopsy428

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2010, 09:16:46 AM »
I have just one question:

When did C-cup turn into "small?" I always thought C was average.
I thought she was being sarcastic.

Evil Duckie

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2010, 10:16:17 AM »
That neighbor better never look in my house we have books in every room and lot of book cases and are still adding.  ;D

Wonder what that makes my family. :P

Ygraine

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Re: Bad Neighbors: Don't Bring Too Many Books When You Move In
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2010, 10:53:11 AM »
I have tons of books, and a D cup.  What does that make me?   ;)