I will need to use this soon, but I need advice *update post#23*

[SiotehCat]

It was definitely wrong for this mother to talk to you that way and treat you that way.She was out of line. That being said, if I were in her position, I would have also been upset. I would never have attacked you like that, but I would have been upset.

You say that you decided to call it a day, so I assume that means that practice is over. You also say that they are not allowed outside when it rains during school hours, but was this practice during school hours? I didn't think it was, because of the requirement that they all have a parent with them.

So, since practice was over and (I assume)it was not during school hours, the person in charge of Jessica is her mother.

[Stranger]

Any updates on this?

I'm so upset on behalf of the OP.  I'm sure her son was just standing next to her because he was scared for his mom..it's not like he was going to jump into the argument/yelling.  My goodness!  I hope you refuse to coach this lady's daughter. 

Thanks, Roe. That's exactly my feeling about this.

Sihoh - it would have been a different story if we knew who this child's mother was. It is a requirement that parents are present for practice, but there were 18 kids, and three adults. We had no idea that this girl's mother was there. In addition to that, the mother didn't say.a.word the first two times her daughter was called back  She only threw a hissy fit after I explained repurcussions the *third* time.

Nevertheless, I will have a talk with the mother tomorrow. I need thoughts and strength for that - I shy away from "confrontation". I feel strong, knowing that I have the support of all the other parents and Mrs. K, but I also feel very uncomfortable to tell this mum that I won't be in a vunerable position with her daughter.

I will post an update after I have spoken to the mum. Mrs K volunteered to be there, she also has athing or two to discuss with this parent (away from other people, of course - we have no desire to humiliate her at all, nevernmind confront her in front of an audience)

[kherbert05]

If the mother wanted her child to play in the rain - she should have left school grounds. I assume she stayed because of the low number of adults high number of kids waiting to be picked up. If she was helping chaperone - then she and her child are still under school rules period full stop. As long as you are at a sponsered event or on school grounds you obey the rules.

If she wasn't helping chaperone she should have left.


We have this problem with field trips and it drives me crazy. If we say - students cannot do X - it means all students cannot do X.  If you want your child to do X - you sign your child out - we call the school they mark your child picked up. Oh and you don't get to ride the bus back to school. In many cases it is because the field trip agreement prohibits X.

[SiotehCat]

If the mother wanted her child to play in the rain - she should have left school grounds. I assume she stayed because of the low number of adults high number of kids waiting to be picked up. If she was helping chaperone - then she and her child are still under school rules period full stop. As long as you are at a sponsered event or on school grounds you obey the rules.

If she wasn't helping chaperone she should have left.

But, according to the OP, the rule is that students cannot be out in the rain during school hours. So, if this was not during school hours, then she was not going against school rules.

[Chinchillazilla]

If the mother wanted her child to play in the rain - she should have left school grounds. I assume she stayed because of the low number of adults high number of kids waiting to be picked up. If she was helping chaperone - then she and her child are still under school rules period full stop. As long as you are at a sponsered event or on school grounds you obey the rules.

If she wasn't helping chaperone she should have left.

But, according to the OP, the rule is that students cannot be out in the rain during school hours. So, if this was not during school hours, then she was not going against school rules.

Well, at my school any time you were involved in any kind of school-sponsored activity it counted as "school hours" and everything still applied. YMMV, of course, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was still against the rules.

[Stranger]

Practice starts in an hour's time. I came to re-read the thread to refresh my memory on how to stay polite when you tell someone that you are unhappy. I will update as soon as I get back home.

Thanks for all the advice!

[referee]

Update?

[Stranger]

Update:

Jessica was not at netball last week, and I had no opportunity to speak to her mum. But on Wednesday (the day before practice) I saw her and asked her to chat with me before practice the next day. Her response to that was to turn to Jessica and say:" I wonder what she is on about again!"

This made me really angry. It's hard to stay polite when you are angry  but I did. I said that I would like to have a chat with her without the children present, and that she should try to see me before we start.

On Thursday morning the school principal gave me a call, to discuss a telephonic conversation she just had with a "very distressed parent". I was happy to tell her the backstory, and I told her about the mum's disparaging remarks the day before.

I am happy to report that the principal called Jessica's mum to inform her that her child *will* abide by my authority if she chooses to continue playing netball, and that the mum will have to stop undermining me with immediate effect. She also told the mum that she would have to sign the code of conduct, and that she will be bound by the requirements thereof.

Thursday afternoon practice went off without a hitch  Jessica's mum dropped her off and skulked around the corner, but she wasn't confrontational, and she didn't try shenanigans. Jessica gave me a big hug after practice... I am glad that she isn't being "put in the middle" of the grown up's conflict.

Thanks again for all the advice, guys. It really helped me to stay focused and polite.

[missmolly]

Fantastic Update! I'm really glad to see that the school has your back. Looks like little Jessica has more maturity than her mother.

[Animala]

Yeah!!! for a good boss!!!

[ShadesOfGrey]

that is a grea update! I'm so glad you stuck to sticking up for yourself, and I'm so happy the principal did too!  here's hoping the rest of the season goes smoothly~!

[kherbert05]

If the mother wanted her child to play in the rain - she should have left school grounds. I assume she stayed because of the low number of adults high number of kids waiting to be picked up. If she was helping chaperone - then she and her child are still under school rules period full stop. As long as you are at a sponsered event or on school grounds you obey the rules.

If she wasn't helping chaperone she should have left.

But, according to the OP, the rule is that students cannot be out in the rain during school hours. So, if this was not during school hours, then she was not going against school rules.

Actually she was on school grounds, at a school sponsored event/practice that means the rules are in effect.

OP good for you and terrific for the principal checking facts then backing you.

I know you have no control over rules, but a brief observation. The rule that parents must be present at practice is a huge potential for trouble making. Some parents have problems turning over authority over their child to another adult. These parents tend to reassert their authority by giving the child permission to break the rules, or saying the coach was wrong over some correction given.

I get the reason is problems getting kids picked up on time. We have a 3 strikes rule. A parent is late 3 times or extremely late 1 time (example a tutoring child was supposed to be picked up at 3:45 but was picked up at 5:00) the kid is out of the activity. No ifs no ands no buts.

I honestly don't know which is worse having a child crying their eyes because they are scared something happened to the missing parent, or the look of unloved resignation from a child who says, "parent probably forgot me again"

[LEMon]

OP, some day when you are feeling like you are not growing in character and strength, please reread this thread.  You were overwhelmed and fearful.  A part of you wanted to withdraw and give in (perhaps I should withdraw).  You drew strength and power you needed to deal with this in the proper fashion (getting advice, talking to those who ask you to do this, deciding what to do).  You were polite in the face of a tough situation, even though you didn't feel it (asking to speak with her in private, (notice how she tried to make it public), and when you wouldn't play, she called the principal).  You didn't give her power (you didn't react when she tried to get a rise out of you).  You communicated clearly with the powers-that-be and have been given a huge vote of support.  You did awesome.

Big ((((Hugs))))

I think Jessica felt the conflict and didn't like it either.

[ChristiKayAnn]

If the mother wanted her child to play in the rain - she should have left school grounds. I assume she stayed because of the low number of adults high number of kids waiting to be picked up. If she was helping chaperone - then she and her child are still under school rules period full stop. As long as you are at a sponsored event or on school grounds you obey the rules.

If she wasn't helping chaperone she should have left.

But, according to the OP, the rule is that students cannot be out in the rain during school hours. So, if this was not during school hours, then she was not going against school rules.

Actually she was on school grounds, at a school sponsored event/practice that means the rules are in effect.

OP good for you and terrific for the principal checking facts then backing you.

I know you have no control over rules, but a brief observation. The rule that parents must be present at practice is a huge potential for trouble making. Some parents have problems turning over authority over their child to another adult. These parents tend to reassert their authority by giving the child permission to break the rules, or saying the coach was wrong over some correction given.

I get the reason is problems getting kids picked up on time. We have a 3 strikes rule. A parent is late 3 times or extremely late 1 time (example a tutoring child was supposed to be picked up at 3:45 but was picked up at 5:00) the kid is out of the activity. No ifs no ands no buts.

I honestly don't know which is worse having a child crying their eyes because they are scared something happened to the missing parent, or the look of unloved resignation from a child who says, "parent probably forgot me again"

Actually I have witnessed a third stage that I think is even sadder.  When this happens so often that the little is no longer even bothered by it but just happily plays because someone will come for her eventually (and if not well that is okay because her teachers/daycare caregivers are there and they are more reliable than mom anyway.) 

We have a little in the afterschool program like this, her mom is routinely 10-45 mins. late (one time it was an hour) to pick up her 6 year old (who has been in the program since she was 3, because mom lied to us and told us she was "almost" 5 so couldn't she come with her older sisters  ) when she is late like this little "Ella" will be suspended from the program until someone pays the fine ($1 per min) and then she will be back for a couple of weeks till it happens again.  The worst instance of this was when mom picked up her older sister (middle sis the oldest has aged out of the program) and took Ella's stuff with her and left Ella to play instead of taking her home. This was the time she was an hour late but that wasn't the worst of it the worst was that when she took Ella's stuff she also took her shoes so that even though oldest sister was visiting friends right next door to the center she couldn't take Ella because Ella couldn't go outside in the snow with no shoes.

[Danismom]

Great job, OP!  I'm really glad the principal also stood up for you!!