Author Topic: Rude to sleep in car?  (Read 18610 times)

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high dudgeon

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #135 on: August 04, 2010, 03:52:26 PM »
So for the OP, I think if she tries to stay awake but canít, thatís all she can reasonably be expected to do.

I completely agree with this, for the first ride back from the hike. If you can't stay awake, you can't. No one is superhuman and the driver wasn't gracious about it. But in the future, if she knows in advance that she's likely to fall asleep, and she also knows in advance that it bothers the driver that much, I think that changes the situation. The first one is unexpected (both her sleepiness and the driver's reaction to it), but after I think that she can reasonably be expected to do more to arrange the situation to stay awake, or to handle her own transit.

Miss Understood

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #136 on: August 04, 2010, 05:17:50 PM »
So for the OP, I think if she tries to stay awake but canít, thatís all she can reasonably be expected to do.

I completely agree with this, for the first ride back from the hike. If you can't stay awake, you can't. No one is superhuman and the driver wasn't gracious about it. But in the future, if she knows in advance that she's likely to fall asleep, and she also knows in advance that it bothers the driver that much, I think that changes the situation. The first one is unexpected (both her sleepiness and the driver's reaction to it), but after I think that she can reasonably be expected to do more to arrange the situation to stay awake, or to handle her own transit.

That makes sense.  I do not really understand why the driver is so annoyed with one person out of several sleeping in the back, but since the OP knows it does annoy him, she should probably make other arrangements for transportation.

high dudgeon

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #137 on: August 04, 2010, 05:54:00 PM »
On a personal level, I don't get it either. It wouldn't bother me at all, as long as most of the group was awake. And I really don't think the driver handled it well. But I could see several legitimate reasons for it to bother him and I don't think it's rude on his part to make reasonable rules about what happens in his car. I think it's just a case of the two of them not being very compatible on this particular issue, and so it's just better not to travel with him, or to find a way to abide by his rules.

KenveeB

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #138 on: August 04, 2010, 07:10:54 PM »
So for the OP, I think if she tries to stay awake but canít, thatís all she can reasonably be expected to do.

I completely agree with this, for the first ride back from the hike. If you can't stay awake, you can't. No one is superhuman and the driver wasn't gracious about it. But in the future, if she knows in advance that she's likely to fall asleep, and she also knows in advance that it bothers the driver that much, I think that changes the situation. The first one is unexpected (both her sleepiness and the driver's reaction to it), but after I think that she can reasonably be expected to do more to arrange the situation to stay awake, or to handle her own transit.

That makes sense.  I do not really understand why the driver is so annoyed with one person out of several sleeping in the back, but since the OP knows it does annoy him, she should probably make other arrangements for transportation.


It wouldn't bother me if it happened occasionally, but if it happened every time I drove someone, I'd start to feel like the hired help or not interesting enough for her to bother staying awake for.  Neither is a nice thing to make someone feel when they're the one doing you a favor by driving.

evely28

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #139 on: August 04, 2010, 07:17:02 PM »
On a personal level, I don't get it either. It wouldn't bother me at all, as long as most of the group was awake. And I really don't think the driver handled it well. But I could see several legitimate reasons for it to bother him and I don't think it's rude on his part to make reasonable rules about what happens in his car. I think it's just a case of the two of them not being very compatible on this particular issue, and so it's just better not to travel with him, or to find a way to abide by his rules.

I don't see where the driver didn't handle anything well. He/She made their point to the OP in a gentle/jokey manner. However, the OP disagreed with it and instead keeps accepting the hospitality. I think that's the height of entitlement.
If you don't like what's offered, don't keep benefiting yourself as you complain about the conditions.

Again it doesn't matter what I think or somebody down the street thinks. The driver has let their wish'es be known and that's what you respect If you don't like it, feel free to rack up the miles on your own car and pay for your own gas.

  

wendelenn

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #140 on: August 04, 2010, 07:38:52 PM »
On a personal level, I don't get it either. It wouldn't bother me at all, as long as most of the group was awake. And I really don't think the driver handled it well. But I could see several legitimate reasons for it to bother him and I don't think it's rude on his part to make reasonable rules about what happens in his car. I think it's just a case of the two of them not being very compatible on this particular issue, and so it's just better not to travel with him, or to find a way to abide by his rules.

I don't see where the driver didn't handle anything well. He/She made their point to the OP in a gentle/jokey manner. However, the OP disagreed with it and instead keeps accepting the hospitality. I think that's the height of entitlement.
If you don't like what's offered, don't keep benefiting yourself as you complain about the conditions.

Again it doesn't matter what I think or somebody down the street thinks. The driver has let their wish'es be known and that's what you respect If you don't like it, feel free to rack up the miles on your own car and pay for your own gas.

  


Depending on the strength of it, I would hardly consider "jostling" to be gentle or jokey.
"I don't mean to be rude", he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable.

"--yet sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often," Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely.  "Best to say nothing at all."

geekette

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #141 on: August 04, 2010, 11:02:07 PM »
On a personal level, I don't get it either. It wouldn't bother me at all, as long as most of the group was awake. And I really don't think the driver handled it well. But I could see several legitimate reasons for it to bother him and I don't think it's rude on his part to make reasonable rules about what happens in his car. I think it's just a case of the two of them not being very compatible on this particular issue, and so it's just better not to travel with him, or to find a way to abide by his rules.

I don't see where the driver didn't handle anything well. He/She made their point to the OP in a gentle/jokey manner. However, the OP disagreed with it and instead keeps accepting the hospitality. I think that's the height of entitlement.
If you don't like what's offered, don't keep benefiting yourself as you complain about the conditions.

Again it doesn't matter what I think or somebody down the street thinks. The driver has let their wish'es be known and that's what you respect If you don't like it, feel free to rack up the miles on your own car and pay for your own gas.

  


Depending on the strength of it, I would hardly consider "jostling" to be gentle or jokey.

Remember that the OP clarified that it wasn't a physical jostle - he'd either speak to her or would (in her own emphasis) lightly tap the car's break if it was safe.

high dudgeon

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #142 on: August 05, 2010, 09:49:47 AM »
It was the tapping of the breaks that I think was unsafe and rude to the other drivers on the road. If it had stayed verbal, or he was able to tap her on the shoulder, then it would have been fine. But to jostle the whole car and everyone in it, and send confusing signals to all the drivers around him? Possibly risk being rear ended (depending on the traffic)? That seems both rude and irresponsible to me. If he couldn't do it with his voice alone, and he couldn't reach her to tap her on the shoulder, he could ask one of the other passengers to tap her or speak to her, or he could have stopped the car completely. But it's not safe or reasonable to play games with a large, heavy, moving vehicle on a public motorway with other drivers around.

BettyDraper

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #143 on: August 05, 2010, 09:56:33 AM »
It was the tapping of the breaks that I think was unsafe and rude to the other drivers on the road. If it had stayed verbal, or he was able to tap her on the shoulder, then it would have been fine. But to jostle the whole car and everyone in it, and send confusing signals to all the drivers around him? Possibly risk being rear ended (depending on the traffic)? That seems both rude and irresponsible to me. If he couldn't do it with his voice alone, and he couldn't reach her to tap her on the shoulder, he could ask one of the other passengers to tap her or speak to her, or he could have stopped the car completely. But it's not safe or reasonable to play games with a large, heavy, moving vehicle on a public motorway with other drivers around.

I agree; that's quite an insight into his mentality. 

DangerMouth

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #144 on: August 05, 2010, 10:09:36 AM »
It was the tapping of the breaks that I think was unsafe and rude to the other drivers on the road. If it had stayed verbal, or he was able to tap her on the shoulder, then it would have been fine. But to jostle the whole car and everyone in it, and send confusing signals to all the drivers around him? Possibly risk being rear ended (depending on the traffic)? That seems both rude and irresponsible to me. If he couldn't do it with his voice alone, and he couldn't reach her to tap her on the shoulder, he could ask one of the other passengers to tap her or speak to her, or he could have stopped the car completely. But it's not safe or reasonable to play games with a large, heavy, moving vehicle on a public motorway with other drivers around.

There's nothing unsafe about tapping the brakes. I do it all the time. I tap the breaks as a warning to cars behind me that traffic ahead might be slowing down, but if I'm engine braking (downshifting) instead of braking they might not realize it. I tap the breaks to disengage my cruise control. And if I see the break lights briefly flash ona car ahead of me, that might be a signal for me to pay attention, but I don't go swerving all over the road to avoid a car that briefly flashed it's break lights.

There are plenty of times in the course of normal driving that you'd need to tap the brakes, there is nothing unusual or unsafe about it.

ETA: I do agree that it's a juvenile way to get someone's attention, but I see nothing unsafe about it.

PeasNCues

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #145 on: August 05, 2010, 10:12:44 AM »
I don't see how taping on the breaks could cause an accident? People here tap on the breaks all the time - sometimes to send a "I'm going to slow down in a bit" message, sometimes for other reason (such as inter-car actions they are reacting to that we don't see). Nothing says that the driver isn't paying attention to what's around him when he does it to make sure he is clear to do so safely? Also, what confusing message could be sending to other drivers? I don't understand.

If someone rear ends this guy because he tapped on the breaks, then they were following way too close and not paying attention.
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BettyDraper

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #146 on: August 05, 2010, 10:27:58 AM »
A mature and safe driver would not gratuitously manipulate a multi-ton moving object to achieve petty personal gratification.  I tap the brakes all the time too, when I commute, but the reasons have to do with traffic and communicating with other drivers, not to jerk around the people in the passenger compartment.

And I still contend that it takes more than an innocent, playful little "tap" to jostle someone awake; I can depress the brake pedal halfway, reasonably slowly, and not have bags, groceries, etc. go flying, and they are a lot lighter than the OP.  You really have to hit the brakes suddenly and sharply to achieve any noticeable effect on an occupant, especially a sleepy one.  Juvenile and selfish move. 

PeasNCues

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #147 on: August 05, 2010, 10:31:37 AM »
Ok, we'll have to agree to disagree.  :) I think it's better that then try to reach back and tap the passanger. And I don't agree that the driver was trying to achieve "petty personal gratification."

When I tap the break lightly, it definitely shakes my little Dodge Avenger. I haven't driven a large vehicle since my mom let me drive her Durango (with a HEMI), but as I remember a light tap is enough to shake the vehicle a bit. Don't really see why it would have to be a violent tap to wake a dozing person up.
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

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DangerMouth

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #148 on: August 05, 2010, 10:32:34 AM »
As the OP herself said it was a 'light tap', I think bringing in scenarios of grocery bags flying around is a bit OTT.

whatsanenigma

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #149 on: August 05, 2010, 10:46:31 AM »
To comment on the debate between tapping the brakes versus tapping the sleeper, the idea of a driver taking on unnecessary distractions from the road, no matter what form they take, bothers me, I will admit.

If a driver taps the brakes when there is no road-relevant reason to do so, I suppose it might or might not cause an accident. It might even if it was a light tap, because brake-tapping is used as a communication device with other drivers, who might misinterpret your intentions and act accordingly and set off a chain reaction. It's possible, but the really basic fact is that the driver is, for a moment, not focusing on the road-he's more concerned with whether or not that passenger is sleeping and therefore distracts himself.

If a driver reaches back to tap the sleeping passenger, I don't know if that's better or worse. To do so quickly would require taking one's eyes off the road, even if only for a second. And we all know what a second can mean on the highway. To tap a sleeping passenger *without* turning around would mean a random fumbling in the general direction of the back seat, possibly for several seconds. Still looking at the road, yes, but with a distraction that could mean serious consequences.

Honestly, I think that if a driver has genuine objections to people sleeping in the car, especially if this poses a safety hazard to that driver and especially if it's not okay if just one person stays awake, it is really really important for that driver to always make that known when offering a ride to anyone. That way people who know they are likely to fall asleep can decline. And arrangements can be made regarding if someone who usually doesn't fall asleep does, how will they be woken up? Because falling asleep in a car can happen even to someone it's never happened to before, as we know. Other passengers can be alert to if anyone is falling asleep and can take care of it so the driver can focus on the road.

So, I guess my point is, if the driver in the OP really had a problem with sleeping passengers there was a better way he could have handled it. And if it was just a "I can't sleep so you can't either" thing, something that didn't really pose a hazard and he could have easily lived with, though his circumstances weren't exactly what he would have wanted, he was childish and petty to distract himself from the road just to wake her up.

IMHO of course and as usual.