Author Topic: Rude to sleep in car?  (Read 17290 times)

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jimithing

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #165 on: August 05, 2010, 06:07:05 PM »
In short, let's discuss the issue at hand and not cast aspersions on the OP.  She is not Marie Antoinette.

I'm not sure how this is any different than calling the driver and his occupants boors. The previous posters didn't even call the OP names, just said that they don't agree with how she handled it.

whatsanenigma

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #166 on: August 05, 2010, 06:07:29 PM »

And I think that's piling on.
 
To make it out like she is a freeloader because this guy insisted on driving is not fair to her.  He had received offers of payment for gas and for doing the driving from her and from others in the group that he refused.
 
So, as far as this guy playing bus driver--he owns that completely.
 

Thank you for pointing that part out. I had forgotten about it myself. He had been offered payment and refused to take it. If he wanted payment he had his chance and lost it.

I guess that's the real center of it for me. This guy really really wanted to drive if he was willing to, under those conditions. And no, I don't know how he would have reacted if the OP or anyone else had insisted on not riding with him. But I suspect that he would have been hurt and upset (assuming he really was doing it out of a sincere desire to be nice to his friends, and not just a control freak, though it's possible he was).

It really is a generous thing to do. And if he is the type who doesn't understand that even healthy people sometimes just randomly fall asleep, especially in a moving car, what would his reaction have been to being told the OP would not ride with him, and yes this was a hill to die on, over something he obviously does not understand really is.a.hill.to.die.on?

I'm having a hard time imagining how the OP could have turned down the ride with no hurt feelings, I guess is what I am trying to say. I'm coming up with phrases like "I am sorry that this ride situation is not working out. I will meet you there" and "I will find my own ride because I am respecting your perfectly reasonable request that no one sleep in the car, because I am unable to accomodate it." But said even a little wrong, those things-and everything else I can think of-come off as PA and an attempt to induce a guilt trip.

What I would really like to know is what would have happened if the OP had found a way to do this politely and really stuck to her guns. If she had made it clear that no, she would not be riding in that van (and thus, skipping what seems to be an important part of the outing all together) because there was even a chance she'd fall asleep at some point. Would these friends have suddenly changed their minds, and wanted her in the van for whatever amount of socialization she was able to engage in? Or would it really have been worth it to lose her company for all of both ways of the trip?

If it's the latter...well, I won't jump to anything radical but I would have been thinking more about those particular friendships.

DangerMouth

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #167 on: August 05, 2010, 06:14:18 PM »
Honestly, I think that if a driver has genuine objections to people sleeping in the car, especially if this poses a safety hazard to that driver and especially if it's not okay if just one person stays awake, it is really really important for that driver to always make that known when offering a ride to anyone. That way people who know they are likely to fall asleep can decline And arrangements can be made regarding if someone who usually doesn't fall asleep does, how will they be woken up? Because falling asleep in a car can happen even to someone it's never happened to before, as we know. Other passengers can be alert to if anyone is falling asleep and can take care of it so the driver can focus on the road.
[...]

So, I guess my point is, if the driver in the OP really had a problem with sleeping passengers there was a better way he could have handled it. And if it was just a "I can't sleep so you can't either" thing, something that didn't really pose a hazard and he could have easily lived with, though his circumstances weren't exactly what he would have wanted, he was childish and petty to distract himself from the road just to wake her up.

In this situation the OP *did* know the driver's position on it, at least after the first trip, and yet she didn't decline. The driver wasn't unclear about his expectations, given the first drive in which the OP fell asleep, and the OP wasn't unaware she'd fall asleep, given the first drive in which she did fall asleep.

So, the person who engineered this situation of the driver being distracted isn't the driver -- it's the OP. Why should the driver have to live with something, even if it didn't pose a hazard, in his own car when he was driving the OP as a favor and she had the option of driving herself? It seems to me that the OP is the one being childish and petty by refusing to abide by the driver's rules for his own car or make alternate arrangements for herself. And she was choosing to do this when she *knew* it distracted the driver. it was his car getting wear-and-tear, his gas, his generosity, and I really don't see how someone can argue it's anything but completely reasonable for him to expect that, in exchange for this generosity, people abide by his car rules, whether it's that he gets to control the radio station, that no one may eat in the car, or that no one can sleep in the car.

This. Also the OP says he "insists" on driving, but I haven't heard how exactly he is doing that. Did the OP offer to drive everyone, but the guy said, "no don't go with her, come in my car"? Did she say "well, I'm driving anyway" and guy says, "well, you can't hike with us if you don't ride with me"?

It really sounds like the OP wants to eat her cake (not drive herself, let someone else take on the long drive, the expense, wear and tear, etc) yet have it too (disregarding the driver's and everyone elses' wishes as to remaining alert enough to be companionable).

I certainly give her a pass the first time, as you don't know how tired you'll be, but once you are made aware of the culture of a specific group, to continue to insist on 'your' way makes it obvious that perhaps OP isn't a good fit for this group.

Yes, I completely agree with the bolded - it sums up perfectly the problems that I have with OP's behavior.

And I think that's piling on.
 
To make it out like she is a freeloader because this guy insisted on driving is not fair to her.  He had received offers of payment for gas and for doing the driving from her and from others in the group that he refused.
 
So, as far as this guy playing bus driver--he owns that completely.
 
Whether or not you think he has the right to dictate whether or not people can sleep in his car is really the center of the subject and I don't think anyone's mind is going to be changed as far as what they think.  But, let's not make the OP out to be a freeloader-because she wasn't.
 
She was falling asleep after a long day of hiking, no matter how you feel about the propriety of that, its at least more understandable than someone who falls asleep on the way to a party or other outing because they didn't get enough sleep and were unprepared for the outing.
 
In short, let's discuss the issue at hand and not cast aspersions on the OP.  She is not Marie Antoinette.

I think we'll have to agree to disagree, because I don't see any rule saying X is the issue and not Y, when it's pretty clear that many PP's also feel that Y is at least part of the issue. I think, first time gets a pass, but continuing to not drive oneself on subsequent occaisions when you know X is an issue, places ownership of Y squarely on OP.

No, OP is not Marie Antoinette, Marie of Romania, or Marie Osmond :D, but I do think it makes this group not a good fit for her.

camlan

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #168 on: August 05, 2010, 06:22:50 PM »
As for the OP riding with the driver, depending on where they are hiking, there may not be much room for cars at the trailhead. My friends and I will meet up somewhere and carpool to the trailhead when we do a group hike, because sometimes there's only room for two or three cars to park. Taking two cars would mean that another group might not be able to hike that day, or they would have to park far away and hike a few miles before getting on the trail. Which, if you are trying to make it to the top of a mountain and down in a day, can be a big problem.

Also, there may be a situation in which everyone parks at the start of the trail in the morning, and one car is parked at the end. So everyone finishes the hike together and the driver of the one car takes everyone back to the trailhead to get their own vehicles. For the OP to get her car to the end of the trail, she would need someone along to give her a ride back to the start. The logistics of this could get complicated, depending on the size of the group and where everyone is coming from.

There are a lot of reasons why the OP might be taking rides with this driver, even when it seems to make more sense for her to drive her own car, that do not involve her taking advantage of the driver.

In my group, people have fallen asleep in the car after we get off the trail. No one complains or tries to wake them up. There might be some good-natured kidding when they wake up, but that's about it. We all understand what several hours of steady exercise in the fresh air can do to a person. And if we aren't camping near our hiking spot, it's much better that a tired person get a nap in before getting into his/her car to drive home. And the OP did mention that she could have used the nap before getting into her car to drive the half hour home.

IMO, the driver in the OP was going a little overboard to insist that the OP remain awake, but that's because in similar circumstances, I've fallen asleep and could do nothing about it. Or I've been the driver and had a passenger fall asleep after a long hike. It's never seemed to me to be a reflection on me or the sleeper; just a natural conclusion to a very active day.
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KenveeB

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #169 on: August 05, 2010, 06:40:03 PM »
In my group, people have fallen asleep in the car after we get off the trail. No one complains or tries to wake them up. There might be some good-natured kidding when they wake up, but that's about it. We all understand what several hours of steady exercise in the fresh air can do to a person. And if we aren't camping near our hiking spot, it's much better that a tired person get a nap in before getting into his/her car to drive home. And the OP did mention that she could have used the nap before getting into her car to drive the half hour home.

And that's fine for your group.  That doesn't mean it's the only acceptable way for any group to handle it.  And the OP is free to find a group more like yours if that's what fits with her style better.  Remember, this isn't just a driver/OP issue.  It's the entire group feeling one thing is acceptable and OP thinking something else.  Neither has to be wrong, but the OP can't insist that the entire group do things the way she alone wants. 

JoieGirl7

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #170 on: August 05, 2010, 07:35:43 PM »
In my group, people have fallen asleep in the car after we get off the trail. No one complains or tries to wake them up. There might be some good-natured kidding when they wake up, but that's about it. We all understand what several hours of steady exercise in the fresh air can do to a person. And if we aren't camping near our hiking spot, it's much better that a tired person get a nap in before getting into his/her car to drive home. And the OP did mention that she could have used the nap before getting into her car to drive the half hour home.

And that's fine for your group.  That doesn't mean it's the only acceptable way for any group to handle it.  And the OP is free to find a group more like yours if that's what fits with her style better.  Remember, this isn't just a driver/OP issue.  It's the entire group feeling one thing is acceptable and OP thinking something else.  Neither has to be wrong, but the OP can't insist that the entire group do things the way she alone wants. 

Actually, I think camlam's group is pretty typical.
 
I think its far more atypical that someone would demand something like this from one of his many passengers.  Most people would be gracious enough to just leave her alone unless they had good reason to do otherwise.
 
And "good reason" is what I see as missing from this.
 
If the OP is hard to wake up when they get to their destination and causes problems for the rest of the group--that would be a good reason.
 
But, "just because I said so, it's my car and I make the rules" is not good enough in this instance.
 
I just can't see that her sleeping when he has other mates to keep him company really has so much of an impact on him for him to make the demand.

whatsanenigma

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #171 on: August 05, 2010, 07:48:00 PM »
I just can't see that her sleeping when he has other mates to keep him company really has so much of an impact on him for him to make the demand.

And if it does have that much of an impact, for the safety of himself and all his passengers, he should have brought this up during the initial conversation when he was offering the rides. And future conversations with the OP should have focused on this, and he shouldn't have just been resorting to childish tactics to wake her up.

You use the word "gracious" and I think that's a good word for what he should have been.

A previous poster mentioned burping in public, just because it's a bodily function doesn't give you freedom to do it whenever and where ever you want, as loud as you want. But can any of us absolutely promise in advance that we will NOT burp between time point A and time point B? Of course not. We try to keep it quiet and then we say "excuse me" and then everybody moves on with their lives. And if one of our company burps, no matter how loudly, and does NOT say "excuse me", we don't throw a fit and poke them and insist they say "excuse me". We just pretend we didn't hear it. (Certain groups of friends in certain joking situations excepted, of course.)

As far as I'm concerned it's the same with sleeping. It should be okay to apologize and move on. (Unless it is a genuine safety issue, as I have said before.) It's odd to me that these friends in the OP couldn't be gracious enough to accept the OP's sleeping, especially if she apologized. If it's really that important, that the driving time is included in the social event, to the point that everyone needs to stay awake, then the OP taking the option of removing herself entirely from that part of the social event should be worse to those friends than taking the chance that she will fall asleep in the van would be, I think.

I know, it's a sensitive issue for me. I admit that. But I'm struggling with this logic.

KenveeB

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #172 on: August 05, 2010, 07:48:43 PM »
Actually, I think camlam's group is pretty typical.

Ignoring, of course, the numerous posters in this thread who've said it's completely typical for them.  That this is atypical for you I'll agree, but that doesn't make it wrong overall.
 
Quote
I think its far more atypical that someone would demand something like this from one of his many passengers.  Most people would be gracious enough to just leave her alone unless they had good reason to do otherwise.

And again, it's not the driver demanding this from a single passenger.  It's the group as a whole deciding what the dynamic is going to be.
 
Quote
And "good reason" is what I see as missing from this.
 
If the OP is hard to wake up when they get to their destination and causes problems for the rest of the group--that would be a good reason.
 
But, "just because I said so, it's my car and I make the rules" is not good enough in this instance.
 
I just can't see that her sleeping when he has other mates to keep him company really has so much of an impact on him for him to make the demand.

And again you're ignoring all of the reasons that have been given throughout the thread.  You're not even saying why they're bad reasons, you're just pretending they don't exist.  Just because you don't like a practice doesn't make it rude.  Just because you personally wouldn't engage in a practice doesn't make it rude.  Just because you don't like reasons for something doesn't make them rude.  And it certainly doesn't make people classless boors just because you would prefer things be done differently.  The OP's solution is to not accept rides anymore.  Period.  Name-calling people that she apparently liked enough as friends to go out hiking with them repeatedly despite this horribly classless behavior is really not appropriate.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #173 on: August 05, 2010, 09:38:47 PM »
Actually, I think camlam's group is pretty typical.

Ignoring, of course, the numerous posters in this thread who've said it's completely typical for them.  That this is atypical for you I'll agree, but that doesn't make it wrong overall.

Camlan's post is very typical of what hiking trips are like.  She gives a real life example and it jibes with what I hear from my sister and SIL who are active hikers, outbound skiers, canooers and generally outdoorsy trip people.

There have been two posters aside from camlan who have alluded to what their group does in relation to this kind of activity and one those doesn't reveal whether or not it is something even comparable to hiking.  In fact, the way a subsequent post of that poster's was phrased leads me to believe that it wasn't.

Two Ravens:
Most groups I belong to require members to remain conscious for the entire duration of the activity...
A "hike" does not mean just the time spent walking in the woods.  Maybe to some people it would, but not to me, nor, apparently, the OP's friends.


She herself considers the entirety of the activity to be the "hike" and not just the trip home, but as she doesn't give a real life example, so I don't really know that these group activities she alludes to include much hiking or something similar.  i would expect that if they did that she would have bolstered her argument with it.  But, regardless, she states what she considers normal for her group in her experience.

And then there is Kiara:

We used to take a tubing trip in college for a student group.  We'd take a 15 passenger van, and since it was owned by the group, the driver usually was one of about 5 people.  On the way back, everyone was exhausted.  The only person "required" to stay awake?  The one in the front passenger seat, to talk to the driver.  Aside from that, we didn't care if you slept the whole 2 hours back. 

All the rest of the posts use the group that kingsrings is hiking with as their standard.
 
I am taking into the consideration first and foremost the nature of the trip and unlike Two Ravens, unless it was just two people, I don't consider the trip home to be part of the social aspect.  I have gone on day ski trips where it was very much as Kiara described with one person to keep me company and the rest of the passengers slept, read a book or otherwise were quiet and restful.
 
I think the fact that the outing required a great deal of physical exertion needs to be taken into consideration from an etiquette point of view.




 
I think its far more atypical that someone would demand something like this from one of his many passengers.  Most people would be gracious enough to just leave her alone unless they had good reason to do otherwise.

And again, it's not the driver demanding this from a single passenger.  It's the group as a whole deciding what the dynamic is going to be.

Well, then doesn't that blow away the reasoning (or someone's reasoning back a few pages) that its his car, his rules?  Why does what the rest of the group think matter?  Doesn't she, as part of the group get a voice?  Here, she's not allowed to drive, she's not allowed to sleep.  I agree wholeheartedly that she shouldn't go with them again, but seeing as this was long ago, that advice really isn't useful, is it?
 
And "good reason" is what I see as missing from this.
 
If the OP is hard to wake up when they get to their destination and causes problems for the rest of the group--that would be a good reason.
 
But, "just because I said so, it's my car and I make the rules" is not good enough in this instance.
 
I just can't see that her sleeping when he has other mates to keep him company really has so much of an impact on him for him to make the demand.

And again you're ignoring all of the reasons that have been given throughout the thread.  You're not even saying why they're bad reasons, you're just pretending they don't exist.

But, its circular reasoning.  She shouldn't fall asleep because he doesn't want her to, its his car, his rules, the group doesn't want her to--as if this all very normal and I don't think that it is.  Is the OP just supposed to do whatever this man and the rest of the group demand?  Because this group, with few exceptions and people's personal feelings are the only things that have been offered as evidence that what she did was not only wrong but that she was a freeloader.

And as I stated before, if you believe that sleeping on the car ride home is rude, that's what you are going to think.  I don't think that and so I find the driver's behavior peculiar and controlling.
 
You see it a different way and so you see the OP's behavior as being rude.
 
So?  I think this has gone just about as far as it can go!
 
As to the question of whether it is rude to fall asleep on the ride home from hiking, I don't know that we can give a definitive answer.  There are variables that we haven't considered, like how the group was formed, what the gender make-up of the group is and a whole lot of other things.
 
I think that there could certainly be instances where it would rude, but I can think of just as many where it isn't.  And given what I was given in the OP, I don't think that what she did was rude.  That's my opinion and I stand by it.  I appreciate that you stand by yours.

KenveeB

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #174 on: August 05, 2010, 10:47:40 PM »
There have been two posters aside from camlan who have alluded to what their group does in relation to this kind of activity and one those doesn't reveal whether or not it is something even comparable to hiking.  In fact, the way a subsequent post of that poster's was phrased leads me to believe that it wasn't.
<snip sxamples>
I think the fact that the outing required a great deal of physical exertion needs to be taken into consideration from an etiquette point of view.

I've been on camping trips, Ren Faires, tubing trips, and amusement park trips, where there was lots of physical activity.  And I've been to concerts, museums, family visits, and movies, where there wasn't much physical activity.  Under both examples, sometimes people have slept on the way back and sometimes they haven't.  I don't think either one is the rule, it's whatever the group decides for that particular trip.
 
Quote
Well, then doesn't that blow away the reasoning (or someone's reasoning back a few pages) that its his car, his rules?  Why does what the rest of the group think matter?  Doesn't she, as part of the group get a voice?  Here, she's not allowed to drive, she's not allowed to sleep.  

My argument from my first post in the thread and consistently onward was
Anyway, given that everyone else in the car agreed with the driver, I don't think that he's being rude or controlling.  It seems to be the group culture that the drive back is part of the outing and not nap time.  I think that in that kind of situation, it's majority rules.  If the rest of the group was fine with napping, then it would be rude for one person to insist on everyone to stay awake.  But if the rest of the group thinks you should all stay awake, then it's rude for one person to insist on sleeping.

Some people have argued "his car, his rules" and others have argued "majority rules".  I think that both positions have merit, but I've specifically been arguing the latter.
 
Quote
I agree wholeheartedly that she shouldn't go with them again, but seeing as this was long ago, that advice really isn't useful, is it?

The original question was "So, is sleeping in a car rude then? ... But is it rude or inconsiderate to sleep in the car in other situations? Such as in the situation above, where someone gets to rest while someone else drives?"  We're answering the question with "yes, it's rude if the others in the car agree you shouldn't be doing it, so in that situation you should find alternative transportation."  I agree with you that there are situations where it wouldn't be rude, but in the situation that the OP described -- she's riding in someone else's car, this has happened on several occasions, and she has been clearly informed that the rest of the group doesn't consider sleeping on the drive home acceptable -- then I think it is.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2010, 10:49:14 PM by KenveeB »

MariaE

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #175 on: August 06, 2010, 03:50:13 AM »
The original question was "So, is sleeping in a car rude then? ... But is it rude or inconsiderate to sleep in the car in other situations? Such as in the situation above, where someone gets to rest while someone else drives?"  We're answering the question with "yes, it's rude if the others in the car agree you shouldn't be doing it, so in that situation you should find alternative transportation."  I agree with you that there are situations where it wouldn't be rude, but in the situation that the OP described -- she's riding in someone else's car, this has happened on several occasions, and she has been clearly informed that the rest of the group doesn't consider sleeping on the drive home acceptable -- then I think it is.

POD! I don't personally think it's rude, and I don't understand why the group doesn't want the OP to sleep, but the fact remains that they don't, and she'd be very rude not to respect that.
 
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blahblahblah

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #176 on: August 06, 2010, 07:10:23 PM »
I don't understand why the group doesn't want the OP to sleep, but the fact remains that they don't, and she'd be very rude not to respect that.
But why is it that the 'group dynamic' is the trump card, so to speak? Just because the majority of the group is put out doesn't mean that the OP is therefore rude. The majority is not always right, especially when the request is unreasonable (which in this case I think it is, because people often can't control the act of falling asleep).

I can think of plenty of examples where the large majority of a group might feel a particular way about something, e.g. say you have a tightknit group of friends who throw huge birthday parties for each person, and most of them consider it a grievous sin if you skip out on a birthday bash for whatever reason short of death (what, I'm not speaking from experience...okay, maybe a little). Are you being rude if you then miss a birthday party?

That said, even though I don't think the OP is rude, she might just need to find new people to ride with, because this group doesn't sound like the best fit.

I've seen on this thread the idea that the OP is rude for continuing to accept rides even after knowing how the group feels. Well, why can't we turn that question around back on to the rest of the group? They are continuing to offer the OP rides even though they know she has a habit of falling asleep in cars. So why can't we just as easily say to the rest of the group, "Well, you know what you're getting into when you get into a car with the OP, so suck it up, buttercup." If it bothers them that much, they should just stop offering rides to the OP.

dirtyweasel

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #177 on: August 06, 2010, 08:40:16 PM »
I don't understand why the group doesn't want the OP to sleep, but the fact remains that they don't, and she'd be very rude not to respect that.
But why is it that the 'group dynamic' is the trump card, so to speak? Just because the majority of the group is put out doesn't mean that the OP is therefore rude. The majority is not always right, especially when the request is unreasonable (which in this case I think it is, because people often can't control the act of falling asleep).

I can think of plenty of examples where the large majority of a group might feel a particular way about something, e.g. say you have a tightknit group of friends who throw huge birthday parties for each person, and most of them consider it a grievous sin if you skip out on a birthday bash for whatever reason short of death (what, I'm not speaking from experience...okay, maybe a little). Are you being rude if you then miss a birthday party?

That said, even though I don't think the OP is rude, she might just need to find new people to ride with, because this group doesn't sound like the best fit.

I've seen on this thread the idea that the OP is rude for continuing to accept rides even after knowing how the group feels. Well, why can't we turn that question around back on to the rest of the group? They are continuing to offer the OP rides even though they know she has a habit of falling asleep in cars. So why can't we just as easily say to the rest of the group, "Well, you know what you're getting into when you get into a car with the OP, so suck it up, buttercup." If it bothers them that much, they should just stop offering rides to the OP.

Umm...the bolded is not an acceptable excuse for rude behavior.  I'm sorry, but if I was offering a ride to a friend and I asked them not to do something in my car and they told me that I would tell them immediately that they could drive themselves.  Just because someone offers hospitality does not give the other person the right to walk all over that person's hospitality. 

Like MariaE I agree that falling asleep isn't rude and I might not understand why the group requires her to stay awake, but once the OP became aware of the groups request and continued to ignore it I believe it became rude.  I think its rude from the perspective that she has other options and continued to accept rides where she knew how the group feels and knew the drivers rules for driving in his car, but she continued to flout them.  Whether falling asleep in a car is rude or not is irrelevant because she was told the rules from the get go by both the driver and the group.  She could have chosen to drive herself, but she continued to accept the hospitality of the driver.  I can understand that some people would have a hard time staying awake and can't prevent themselves from falling asleep, but if you know that about yourself than you should find other driving accommodations. 



kudeebee

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #178 on: August 06, 2010, 11:15:51 PM »
I have not read all the posts, but I want to say that I don't think it is rude to sleep in the car in this situation.  OP said the hikes tire her out and she kept nodding off.  It is not like she is saying she doesn't want to interact with them and just wants to sleep.  So, I think it was rude of the rest of them to wake her up.

I know that if I am very tired, I have trouble staying awake no matter what is going on.  Sometimes a quick doze is all that it takes to perk me up again.  It might be the same with the OP.  If they had let her doze, even for a few minutes and then she woke up, she probably could have stayed awake.  Plus there were others in the car who were awake and could converse with the driver.

I am a person who can go to sleep in a car easily, even if I am not tired--that is just the way I am.  Efforts to keep me awake just make it worse rather than letting me snooze for awhile. wake up on my own, and then be ready to interact with the driver and others.

The others know this about the OP, so they should leave her alone.

DangerMouth

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #179 on: August 06, 2010, 11:34:14 PM »
I was trying to think of another situation that would be analogous to this one, where neither sides actions are rude in themselves, but could cause dissention or hard feelings.

The nearest I can come up with is if a group of people get together regularly for a potluck meal, and one person 'insists' on bringing the mashed potatoes. The MP bringer makes it with garlic, and everyone likes it with garlic except for the OP. OP knows this is the case, but eats it every time, and every time complains about it. Eventually, others will say, "either don't eat it, or bring your own".

Some might consider it 'gracious' if the MP bringer made the dish garlic-less, but shouldn't the majority rule in a case like this? It would be even more gracious and less of an inconvienience on the majority if the OP brought her own, or if she felt impelled to eat it, at least stop disparging it?