Author Topic: Rude to sleep in car?  (Read 15704 times)

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kingsrings

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Rude to sleep in car?
« on: July 29, 2010, 12:27:03 PM »

Iíve gone hiking with a group of people in the past, and this situation arose a few times. Now, it was done in fun and jest, but it got me to thinking about the etiquette implications behind it anyway.

One of the guys in the group took it upon himself to drive us all to and from the hiking spots, and he has a large vehicle that can accommodate most of us. He was perfectly fine with this arrangement, and it was always his idea to be the driver. After a long day of hiking, I am usually tired. So on the way back to our parking area from our hike, I would nod off. Every time I did this, he would jokingly give me a hard time about it, jostling me awake and telling me I wasnít allowed to sleep while he had to drive us all (not those words exactly, but similar). The others in the car concurred with him. I was kind of annoyed because I was so worn out, and could have used some dozing off time until I got back to my car and had to drive the half hour or so home. I always did my best to make sure I was healthy and well-rested before each hike, but still, sometimes you just get worn out anyway.

So, is sleeping in a car rude then? I mean, I know in some cases itís totally expected and approved of, such as driving a long distance (people in the car take turns on and off being sleeping passengers and then drivers). But is it rude or inconsiderate to sleep in the car in other situations? Such as in the situation above, where someone gets to rest while someone else drives? What if itís just you and the driver in the car Ė are you then being anti-social to them by sleeping or nodding off?


high dudgeon

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2010, 12:37:22 PM »
I don't think it's the vehicle that's making it rude, but the fact that you're still out in on an event with friends and wanted to nap instead of being social. I think it would be just as rude if you dozed off on his couch during a party because you had a long drive home afterward and wanted to rest up for it.

Also, I know several drivers who hate to have their passenger sleeping, because it makes the driver sleepy too, or they need that conversation and interaction to stay awake themselves. So there could be a safety element as well.

Maybe next time the group could arrange to go on a shorter hike? Or you could drive yourself separately, if you needed a quick nap first?

Harlow

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2010, 12:38:14 PM »
It's not rude in my opion.

Myself as a driver though, when I'm driving, I can't have anyone sleeping in the car either. It makes me tired and makes me want to sleep. So I can understand why he asked you not to sleep while he was driving.

triciadi

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2010, 12:42:18 PM »
I have a friend who used to tease me about being rude and falling asleep when he was driving.  Until I told him that he should feel honoured.  I really have to trust the driver or I can't relax enough to fall asleep!

He no longer says anything if I fall asleep in his car, just asks if I had a nice nap.

I don't think it is rude at all and sometimes can't be helped.  If you are tired, the motion of the car is often enough to lull you to sleep.

bah12

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2010, 12:54:53 PM »
I'm on the fence on this one, but leaning towards a little rude.

You were still on a social event...if this were a long roadtrip, I would expect at some point, everyone to take turns driving/sleeping, but a hike with intermittent driving, not so much.  I understand that you were tired and wanted to sleep, but I'm sure the driver was also tired.

Besides, the fact that the group was socializing and you were, in effect, ignoring them, having someone sleep in the car, especially when the driver is tired, can make them even more sleepy, so it's not always safe or ok for passenger's to sleep.

If I were you, I would have tried to stay awake and used the social interaction with the other passengers and the driver to help.

But, had I been one of the passengers or the driver, I'm not sure that I would have continuously woke you up if you were that tired.  I think that's kind of rude too.

kingsrings

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2010, 12:55:09 PM »
I didn't think about the aspect of it making someone else tired by seeing another person in the car sleeping, that makes sense. That's especially true when it's just you and the driver in the car, because it's so visible, and then they don't have someone to help keep them awake. Although in this case with his car being so big - I wonder if that could of been solved by me sitting in the back of the car where I wasn't as visible? As far as the social aspect of it though, there wasn't a whole lot of talking going on anyway in the car, as we were all bedraggled.

Harlow

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2010, 12:58:30 PM »
I didn't think about the aspect of it making someone else tired by seeing another person in the car sleeping, that makes sense. That's especially true when it's just you and the driver in the car, because it's so visible, and then they don't have someone to help keep them awake. Although in this case with his car being so big - I wonder if that could of been solved by me sitting in the back of the car where I wasn't as visible? As far as the social aspect of it though, there wasn't a whole lot of talking going on anyway in the car, as we were all bedraggled.

I drive an SUV, it's big. With the magic of my mirrors, I can see all my passengers. So even with a big car, the driver may very well be able to see you. So sitting in the back may not be the solution. The best solution would be to keep awake.

Sharnita

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2010, 01:10:00 PM »
I think that for a lot of people, the motion of the car puts them to sleep if they aren't the driver. it isnot so much a choice as something that happens to them.  SOme people have other physical reactions - like car sickness.  For me, sleeping is a dense against car sickenss. I especially have porblems going in and out of shadows when the road is tree lined.  I close my eyes to avoid illness and eventually fall asleep.

bah12

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #8 on: July 29, 2010, 01:22:47 PM »
I think that for a lot of people, the motion of the car puts them to sleep if they aren't the driver. it isnot so much a choice as something that happens to them.  SOme people have other physical reactions - like car sickness.  For me, sleeping is a dense against car sickenss. I especially have porblems going in and out of shadows when the road is tree lined.  I close my eyes to avoid illness and eventually fall asleep.

This happens to me as well and I do often fall asleep in the car when I never intended to.  Health reasons being an exception, I do think that passengers should try to be considerate of the driver when/if deciding to fall asleep.

The car ride is often part of the social interaction/outing.  If I'm going shopping with a friend, our drive to and from is part of our outing.  I wouldn't be comfortable falling asleep or having her fall asleep in the car.

I do understand the point of the other drivers and passengers.  If the only reason the OP wanted to sleep was because she wanted the nap before she drove home, I think she could have taken a short nap in her own car (if the area was safe enough).  I'm sure that others would have also appreciated a nap and having her sleep in view of the driver could make the driver sleepy as well, which isn't safe.

I don't thing the OP was deliberately being rude, but I think there were some things she didn't take into consideration.  It seems that she's willing to look at those things, so I think she's good on this one!

DavidH

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #9 on: July 29, 2010, 01:30:06 PM »
In general I think that on a social occasion that involves a drive, it is rude to do anything that eliminates the driver from the social activity.  Sleeping, checking email, texting etc.  If the driver is part of the group, then they should be included rather than treated as a chauffeur.  It, to me, is the same as if you went to someones house after the hike and decided to sleep on their couch rather than interact with the group. 

On an overnight road trip, or something we a prearranged rotation, it's fine. 

demarco

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #10 on: July 29, 2010, 01:52:07 PM »
The responses so far are surprising to me.  I've been in a lot of carpooling situations and I've never minded if  the passengers wanted to sleep.  DH always sleeps when I drive and it never makes me sleepy. 

People sleep because they are tired.  I think jostling someone awake and telling her that she has to stay awake because he has to drive is really rude.  Why does he say he "has to" drive?  Didn't he volunteer?

Presumably this is a day long event or close to it.  A hiking trip can be a social event but does that mean  everyone is supposed to be interacting the whole time?  Is silence considered inappropriate during the walk itself?  My notion of a hiking trip is  quiet enjoyment of the natural environment not a day long chatfest.   

kingsrings

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #11 on: July 29, 2010, 02:00:26 PM »
He insisted on driving every time, because he enjoyed doing nice things for others. Of course we socialized and chatted during the hike itself, but our drives home were always on the quiet side, like I said earlier, because we were all wiped out. If someone had been real chatty, it probably wouldn't of been appreciated. But I was always the only one who dozed off for some reason. Really, sometimes I was so tired from the hike I honestly couldn't help it  :-[

Sharnita

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #12 on: July 29, 2010, 02:04:25 PM »
He insisted on driving every time, because he enjoyed doing nice things for others. Of course we socialized and chatted during the hike itself, but our drives home were always on the quiet side, like I said earlier, because we were all wiped out. If someone had been real chatty, it probably wouldn't of been appreciated. But I was always the only one who dozed off for some reason. Really, sometimes I was so tired from the hike I honestly couldn't help it  :-[

I think that he insisted for the same reason he was adament that you shouldn't sleep - control.  I don't think that is a bad reason for wanting to drive.  I have a friend whose neck was broken years ago in a car accident.  She now has a strong preference to drive because she feels a bit helpless as the passenger.  This suits me fine because I prefer to have soembody else drive - I can be a nervous driver.  I do thikn he probably gets something out of being the driver/in control though and the fact that he doesn't want anybody sleeping, even if they were going to be pretty quiet anyway seems a bit controlling to me.

bah12

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #13 on: July 29, 2010, 02:12:27 PM »
Isn't it also probable that he insisted on driving because carpooling with a large group of people can be a coordination nightmare and his vehicle is large enough to accommodate everyone?

I wouldn't be so quick to assume that he's controlling, especially knowing nothing else about it outside of wanting to drive a group of hikers around.

If the entire group was tired and quiet, then I can see why kingsrings fell asleep and I think he was rude to wake her up.  But, because he's driving after a tiring day, it would have been polite for at least one person (preferrably whoever sat in the front passenger seat) to stay awake and talk to him...to keep him from getting overly sleepy as well.

Sharnita

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Re: Rude to sleep in car?
« Reply #14 on: July 29, 2010, 02:16:33 PM »
The fact that he insisted indicates that there were other offers/options.  The fact that in addition to insisting on that in addition to insisting that OP stay awake seems to indicate a bit of controlling behavior, IMO.