Author Topic: Inviting Someone you know can't come because of a disability? - UPDATE last pos  (Read 3879 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

platys

  • Guest
Re: Inviting Someone you know can't come because of a disability?
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2007, 04:23:37 PM »
I bought my set at Stitches Midwest a few years ago, but I know that knitpicks.com has them:

http://www.knitpicks.com/Lace%20Blocking%20Wires_AD80315.html

They really really really are worth it.   I went to home depot and bought some styrofoam insulation (its super cheap), and I tape the panels together with packing tape, depending on how big of a sheet I need.  Then I cover it with checkerboard fabric I got cheap at Joann's, and go to down.   You only need the styrofoam if your carpet padding is lame.  Mine is, because I live in an apartment.

platys

  • Guest
Re: Inviting Someone you know can't come because of a disability?
« Reply #16 on: June 14, 2007, 04:36:51 PM »
So I slightly calmed down about the space.

So of course I moved on to beverages.

Right now, we're planning lots of water, diet pepsi, regular lemonade (from concentrate, but not sugar free) and a few bottles of wine I have hanging about.   I'm thinking I should add regular pepsi, because having diet pepsi and not regular seems odd.  But I'm not sure anyone drinks the regular. 

For food, I'm making a yummy steak fajita salad.  I'm also going to make a really good meditterean dip (its mayo, feta, sour cream, peppercinis, hot sauce, and some herbs - a bit of a bite, but not spicy), and have tortilla chips and salsa.   But, should I put the dressing for the fajita salad on the side?  I wouldn't normally.  And the steak on the side too? 

Then, I have a friend bringing a bread salad, a friend bringing a strawberry savory salad, and someone bringing olive garden salad and breadsticks.  Another friend is bringing cupcakes, and another friend is bringing a dip of some sort. 

Should I maybe do Cheese and Sausage and crackers?  Another friend might be bringing a second dessert.

platys

  • Guest
So, I had my party, and it went really well.   The conference room was much more spacious than I remembered.  We were short a chair, but it wasn't a big deal - my bf left once it got crowded and we started doing facials. :)  (One of the women sells Body Shop products, and the facials were a big hit - but we're all friends, and most of them love body shop stuff.)

I have to say that while it was a pain to haul everything over to the conference room, clean up was a breeze - well, in the sense that I mainly used plastic and so I only have a few serving dishes to wash. :)

jimithing

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 19737
  • Life Is Too Short to Wear a Bad Outfit!
I was just reading this and had a similar thing happen with a good friend of mine.  She had a serious back problem that required surgery.  For about six months before the surgery, she was basically only able to go to work.  She was in extreme pain and unable to be very mobile.  I am one of four girlfriends that hang out on a regular basis, and she is also part of that group.  We are all very busy and so to make sure we can all get together at least once a month, we do a monthly lunch with just the four of us. 

The problem came about when a couple of us went to a movie or out shopping, etc.  It was one of those situations we were d***ed if we do, d****ed if we don't.  We would always invite her, but then she wouldn't be able to come.  So then she would feel bad that we were out without her.  But if we didn't invite her, because we knew she couldn't come, she would still feel bad and hurt that we didn't invite her.  It became very tricky for us and we generally invited her.  At least this way we were being thoughtful, even if she felt bad.  We couldn't always tip toe around it for her.  Anyone encounter this problem or situation? 

Virg

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5879
jimithing wrote:

"Anyone encounter this problem or situation?"

I have, and the answer is relatively easy assuming you're at least somewhat on friendly terms with the person.  Also, this obviously only works for those who are temporarily laid up, not someone with a permanent disability.  In your case, I'd continue extending the invitations, telling her that you know that she can't attend due to her convalescence, but that you want to be sure that she knows about your outings so that when she feels up to it she'll know when and where to attend.  That way, she feels included, she can choose when to start showing up again and you don't have to worry that she'll miss an invite when she's up to it.

For someone who will be permanently unable to attend, it gets tougher.  Firstly, I'd make every effort possible to find a better venue for an event.  If that's just not possible, then I'd sit down and talk to the person with the disability to find out what would be best.  I'd certainly make sure she felt welcome to attend if accomodations could be made, and I'd go the further step of offering "over and above" assistance for her to help.  For example, being a large fellow I've offered more than once to help someone in a wheelchair by dragging or dead-lifting them up stairs and such, or traveling alongside them so they could go on a hiking trail and I'd help them if they got stuck or the path was blocked.  For close friends, they're usually quite appreciative, but I know that's not always an option.  Still, honesty and openness puts a lot of hurt to rest, so if I found myself in this situation I'd make sure they knew that the venue and not them is what's in the way.

Virg

jimithing

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 19737
  • Life Is Too Short to Wear a Bad Outfit!
I have, and the answer is relatively easy assuming you're at least somewhat on friendly terms with the person.  Also, this obviously only works for those who are temporarily laid up, not someone with a permanent disability.  In your case, I'd continue extending the invitations, telling her that you know that she can't attend due to her convalescence, but that you want to be sure that she knows about your outings so that when she feels up to it she'll know when and where to attend.  That way, she feels included, she can choose when to start showing up again and you don't have to worry that she'll miss an invite when she's up to it.
Virg

Thanks for the response.  This is what we ended up doing.  If she was still upset or feeling bad, at least I did the right and thoughtful thing by inviting her.  I can't manage everyone else's feelings in all situations.  She's now healthy and mobile again.  This also the friend I started a post about (How to Respond to a Jealous Friend's Comments.)  She tends to be a martyr about things a lot and will complain when we make plans and don't invite her, even though she's told us she has other plans.  It's kind of an ongoing cycle.  Again, I can only do so much and I have found that it's better to extend the invitation than to not.  :)