S/O- Moving Things In a Non-Babyproofed Home

[jimithing]

The BBQ thread in the Life in General folder reminded me of this.

About 6 years ago, right after my husband and I got married, we invited his cousin and her husband over for dinner. She was married, with a toddler. Her daughter was probably 18-24 months.

Not having children, we didn't really think about the fact that we hadn't babyproofed the house. We had glass candle holders on the coffee table, pictures on the side tables, etc.

As I was finishing the prep for dinner, I noticed that his cousin was going through our living room, and moving everything that was breakable, and putting it up on a high shelf.

I have to admit, I was rather irked. I wish she had asked me if there was somewhere she cut put my things.

Since having friends who have become parents, I've seen them do this without asking to, but more because they want to make sure that their child doesn't break things, and they just quickly did it.

With DH's cousin, she actually seemed to be rather put out that we even had items out, not because her DD could break the items, but because she could get hurt, so that could have influenced why I felt irked.

How do parents generally handle the situation when a house is not babyproofed, and there are things they could easily get into?

[otterwoman]

I do the same thing; just start moving things up out of DD's reach. Otherwise, I leave. Just depends on how long I need to be there.

[Wavicle]

They should ask no matter what the reason because moving your stuff around is all about making their lives easier. Its not like these things are going to jump out and attack their child, this is just the easier option as opposed to watching their kid.

Accidents can still happen when you are watching you kid and I think it is reasonable to ask if you can do things to make your job as a parent easier, but I do not think it is right to just presume that you can rearrange someone's home. Maybe if it was just one vase you could get away with moving it, but multiple items would annoy me and leaving them put away means more work for the host.

[SamInTheShadows]

I don't have kids, but I can tell you how my Mum did it when I was a child:

"NO!" + Icy Glare of Doom.

[bah12]

DD is just now reaching the stage where she's really mobile.  She's always been "Grabby" but now that she crawls at turbo-speed, it's becoming more of a problem.

I visited a friend of my mom's last week who wanted to meet DD.  Her home was not baby-proofed (mine isn't really, either, though) and I noticed she had a lot of fragile looking things very low to the floor in her house.  I made sure that DD was held (either by me or by her) when I first arrived and when she got restless, I just asked the hostess if it was ok if we put her on the floor and let her crawl around a bit.  I also said then, that I was worried that she might grab something and break it.  Our hostess moved a few things around and all was good.

I also keep the pack and play in my car just in case we are anywhere for too long.  It doesn't allow her the total freedom she wants, but it gives her a safe place to play/sleep and keeps me from worrying about her too much.

[MNdragonlady]

Well, we house-proofed our children.

Other than outlet covers, and hiding poisons, we didn't really do other baby-proofing in our own house. We focused on training our children to keep their hands off dangerous and fragile things, so by the time they were toddlers, most houses were safe from our kids. We would certainly watch closely the first time we were visiting someone, in order to communicate with the little one what was a "no touch", and during the training time, we did have to be more vigilant, but we didn't usually move stuff, we handled the child.

I can only think of one thing a child broke, and that was at my IL's house. The oldest DD hung her body from a towel rack (she was about 3; maybe 25 pounds soaking wet) and pulled it out of the wall. Never would have thought I'd have to tell a kid that a towel rack wasn't a high bar.

[Judah]

I never baby proofed my house, instead I taught my kids no to touch what wasn't theirs.  When we went to some one else's home I kept them close to and made sure they didn't touch anything.  I expect other parents to do the same in my home and I would be more than irked if someone moved my stuff so that they didn't have to watch their child closely.

[hellgirl]

We warn friends that our home is not childproof (yet... it's getting that way as our own little'un gets more mobile). We close the door to the worst room (renovation stuff), and occasionally remember to put up our most precious things. But we've got all kinds of cool stuff around and it's never been a problem.
Us: Sorry, our house isn't in any way childproof
Friend: That's okay. Our's wasn't either before it needed to be!
Us:  
Friend: *watches child, physically or verbally steering them away from bad things, often keeping them occupied with toys they have brought*
Us: *puts away obvious problems as they become apparent*

It's more work for all of us at the time, but when the little'un is moving around I won't expect other people's houses to be childproof. I expect I will need to be especially vigilant and prepared. And why at 7 months we're already working on "No". And why the baby-bag contains favourite toys, and I am fully prepared to request a plastic container/something as a toy if I get caught out.

[bah12]

I never baby proofed my house, instead I taught my kids no to touch what wasn't theirs.  When we went to some one else's home I kept them close to and made sure they didn't touch anything.  I expect other parents to do the same in my home and I would be more than irked if someone moved my stuff so that they didn't have to watch their child closely.

I wouldn't make the request to move something because I don't want to watch my child closely.  

I plan on teaching my DD not to touch certain things too, which is why we haven't totally baby-proofed the house yet. (Outlets and chemicals are different).

There's a learning curve though and right now, DD is just starting what I call "super-mobility".  She's learning what is ok and not, but when I'm in someone else's house, I do feel more comfortable with that extra level of protection of THEIR stuff.

If you invite someone with a small child in your house, you can't reasonably expect that the parents will be able concentrate on socializing with you and keeping their children within an arms reach at all times.  Kids are restless and the parents may slip up and the kids get away before they realize.  You should be prepared to give them some leeway, even if that means moving something breakable out of the way while they are visiting.

I'm not saying that children should have free reign, but I don't think it's rude for a parent to request that you move something valuable, just in case the child does something they shouldn't.

[Fluffy Cat]

I think they should ask (a general request - not necessarily for every specific item) unless something is in imminent danger of being broken and/or causing harm to the child.  I would have been a little bit irked too.

[Merry Mrs Martin]

  In general I think people should ask if moving a few things is alright, I would understand seeing a child  being fascinated by a particular item and moving it without thinking.  I didn't put away fragile things when my son was a baby but he's personality was gentle and pretty obedient to begin with. I don't think it would be deficient parenting for a child to go through a brief "Must touch precious" stage. 

[mechtilde]

Even with the best behaved child, accidents can still happen. Toddlers are very clumsy, and although they may not mean to break things, they can still trip/fall/move arm in an unexpected way etc.

Whilst I can understand the OP being annoyed at the parent moving the breakable objects, I can understand why they did it. Certainly if one of my children had broken something belonging to someone else I would have been mortified. I do think it would have been more polite to ask first though.

[lolane]

I have only once had a parent move something in my house and that was when I was cooking and had a knife sitting close to the edge, she moved the knife away from the edge and I was fine with that because it never dawned on me that her baby was tall enough to reach up and knock down or grab the knife. I see that as a safety trumps etiquette issue so I was okay with it.

Now, if a parent came into my house and just started moving stuff that wasn't dangerous (unless their child decided to try and use it as a projectile or something), I'd be very annoyed that they didn't ask before moving -  If someone wanted to rearrange my home rather than watching their child or keeping them close to them, then they would not be invited back.

[high dudgeon]

Unless the danger was clear an imminent (like the knife), I think a parent would be rude to start moving around your personal possessions without asking you first, even if that's easier for them. Maybe they should hold on to, or rein in the kid until they have a chance to say, "Friend, I'm worried about some of the things on the lower shelves getting broken by Baby. Can they be moved, or could we go to a different room?" If you didn't want them to be moved by the parent or by doing it yourself, and there weren't any safer public rooms, I wouldn't blame them for leaving after a short while, because physically hanging on to a mobile kid is very tiring. But that doesn't mean they can just start fiddling with your stuff without a heads up. That's rude and intrusive.

[Aggiesque]

I would ask. If they said no, I'd probably leave and arrange to hang out a different time.

I can either socialize, or watch baby and steer her away from things, but I'm not able to do both.