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Author Topic: Mom Disparages my BF- Should I Tell Him?  (Read 9200 times)

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Re: Mom Disparages my BF- Should I Tell Him?
« Reply #15 on: August 10, 2010, 10:06:57 AM »
My husbands family hates me so he comes to me all the time telling me stuff they're saying about me.  He thrives on drama, though and gets a big kick out of it. 
If I was you I wouldn't tell him because even though I don't like the IL's, it still hurts my feelings to know they're saying those things about the mother of their grandchildren.
Words hurt even if you don't like the people.


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Re: Mom Disparages my BF- Should I Tell Him?
« Reply #16 on: August 10, 2010, 12:53:11 PM »
Yes, you should do your best to stop it now.  Probably won't work, but you should try.  Limit your interactions with her as much as possible if she continues to make these 'jokes'.  If she really dislikes SeriousCat, she won't change.

Since she seems to be scared of him, maybe HE could tell her to knock it off? "Mom, MerryCat tells me that you are hurting her feelings but disguising your criticism as 'jokes'.  We want it to stop."

I was in a similar relationship with my MIL.  She disliked me for no reason that anyone else in the family could see.  The best I can come up with was that we married without asking her permission.  She didn't even try to hide behind PA 'jokes', but was just generally very cold and hypercritical of me and my kids.  DH and his family just shrugged it off as 'that's just the way Mom is.'  :(

IMHO, "that's just the way she is" is NEVER an acceptable response to one family member abusing another, and this is abuse, just as much as making outright hurtful comments.
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.

Texas Mom

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Re: Mom Disparages my BF- Should I Tell Him?
« Reply #17 on: August 10, 2010, 08:56:56 PM »
Instead tell your mother that, unless and until she stops making comments, you will not come to visit her, call her, whatever.  And the minute she starts up, the visit, call, etc., ends. 

I hate to do this, because it means I'll see a lot less of my dad too, but it may be the only way :( It's getting hard to deal with her comments otherwise.

Have you pulled you dad aside and talked to him privately about this matter?  It's possible that HE can tell her to stop with the put-downs.

Under no circumstances should you tell your bf about her comments.