Sort of used it with a salesperson - and now need advice for future

[Giraffe, Esq]

{BG - I've been battling a panic/anxiety disorder and one of the triggers for me is certain social interactions with people. 

Examples include going to the bank - I can handle the interaction with the teller just fine, but when the ... higher level person with a desk (don't know their title) comes over to offer to "help with that," I tense up because *ALL* I want to do is fill out my slip and deposit my check and NOT. TALK. beyond the pre-scripted niceties at the teller window.

And I know from experience if I let the person-with-a-desk help me, he'll take me back to his desk and ask all these questions and try to get me to change things on my account.  Or at the very least confirm everything is accurate. /BG}

So, specific experience today...

I got a phone call from a blood bank, trying to get me to come back in - offering an entry into a raffle if I do so by a certain date.  As soon as she started her script, I knew I should have just not answered the phone, but too late now.  And it wasn't a generic unsolicited telemarketer, where I have no problem hanging up.

So I told her I can't those dates.  (In retrospect, I should've started *there* with the "I'm afraid that won't be possible" period, no explanation.)  She said, that's no problem, she can make appointments through the end of the month.

I (sort of used the phrase and) said, "I cannot donate blood at this time and I need to get off the phone now."  Because I was on the verge of the verge of a panic attack.  As I'm going to hang up, I hear her ask, "Okay, can please tell me why so I can update our records?" 

And I thought about answering, but then decided to protect my current health and hit the button to end the call.  After all, I *had* just said I need to get off the phone now.  But I still felt *horribly* rude for hanging up.

Is there any polite way to get out of these salespeople type situations (referring to both the bank one and the phone one)?  Is there a way to *remember* the polite method? 

(At the bank, I tense up and just say no, rather abruptly, and am trying to remember that "no, thank you," is a perfectly polite and acceptable response.  But I get so irrational in the panic moment that I always *forget*.)

Giraffe

[blue2000]

"I need to get off the phone now." is a perfectly polite phrase. You don't need to answer every question before you hang up!

Saying "No, thank you" at the bank is certainly better than just "no". But I can understand why you forget if you panic. Perhaps if you practice saying it at home, you can remember it. Imagine bank people offering you all sorts of silly things, and keep saying "No, thank you". Eventually it should stick!

[Amava]

You were not rude to the woman on the phone.
She was rude for asking another question after you had told her you needed to get off the phone.

[Elfmama]

There are any number of reasons why someone might need to get off the phone NOW and not answer any further questions. IMHO it was not rude to just end the call.

[Squeaks]

On the blood thing i can see them asking. If you are now on a "can't donate blood" list it saves everyone time and sanity to get that entered.  One thing i have started doing to sales calls that seems to help, is say no but also add "good luck"  The sales people seem to soften a bit and not push when i am nice to them.  Also,  the natural response to "good luck" is usually thank you or the like.  So it makes it harder to come back with a second sell, it sorta closes things down and gives it more of a finality. Plus it is polite and nice.
  

For the bank.  I think no is just fine.  Really not reason to thank them for that crap.  I also think that if the managers want to make sure all is ok it is fine to say that the interruption is not ok.  Frankly if it happens that often you may want to switch banks, because,  well that just sucks.  Beyond that you could see about going at extreme hours (first thing in the morning, last at night) when the big wigs are less likely to be around. Also try noting the name of the teller,  then if interrupted you can say "No Karen is doing wonderful" or the like.  I bet if you name drop it will cause the managers to pause.  They may well think that "Karen" has made a positive impact on you and leave you alone.  It just show a little more involvement and might be enough for them not not feel the need to oversell and resell. If nothing else it likely will catch them off guard and make the teller look good.  And hopefully a glance at a name tag would not be too much a stress or.

I have asked my bank for stacks of slips in the past. . . . that may help if you can have as much as possible done ahead of time.  

[kareng57]

I don't think that you were rude in either instance.  At the bank, they might possibly have wanted to upsell you to a new credit-card, line of credit, etc.

However, for the blood bank - if you said "I can't donate now" I don't think they were out of line for asking for a bit more info.  Maybe you're pregnant?  Or you have a health concern such as anaemia?  (I'm being hypothetical).  They like to know these things, so that they can update their records and not keep calling you if there are issues such as these.  I really don't think it's the same as a telemarketer calling and demanding to know a reason why you won't donate $$$.

If your anxiety disorder means that you can't donate blood at this time, of course you can tell them that.  You don't have to give all the details, just something like "I can't donate for another six months or so due to health reasons".  I don't know exactly how blood banks work in the US (I'm in Canada) but I really can't imagine that they'd keep calling you if this was the case.

[Elfmama]

However, for the blood bank - if you said "I can't donate now" I don't think they were out of line for asking for a bit more info.  Maybe you're pregnant?  Or you have a health concern such as anaemia?  (I'm being hypothetical).  They like to know these things, so that they can update their records and not keep calling you if there are issues such as these. <snip>  I don't know exactly how blood banks work in the US (I'm in Canada) but I really can't imagine that they'd keep calling you if this was the case.

Yes, unfortunately they do.  DH and I were regular blood donors with just over a gallon donated each.  Then the Red Cross and other US blood donor orgs decided that since we spent 3 years in the UK during the 'mad cow' debacle, we were no longer eligible to donate blood in the US.  They were afraid that somehow it might be a blood-borne illness.

I have a somewhat uncommon blood type, and I got calls from the Red Cross for several years.  Every time I'd explain that I was no longer eligible, and to please note that I wasn't. 

[wolfie]

When telemarketers call I always say "I am not interested in donating. Thank you for calling. Goodbye" in one long rush and then hang up the phone. I don't feel a need to stay on the phone a second longer then I need to - especially because I am an easy target and if I let them talk I will probably end up donating and later wonder why I did that.

[Orisha]

You were not rude to the woman on the phone.
She was rude for asking another question after you had told her you needed to get off the phone.

POD.  And quite frankly, it was none of her business why you weren't available to donate blood.  She's not entitled to know and they're not entitled to donations. 

[toontownnutter]

Just politely say no thankyou. They ask again and you say "I'm really not interested" They ask again you say "Good bye"

I entered a competition, drawing date comes and I didn't win. About two weeks later they ring me up "you entered a competition, now you didn't win but we have a special offer for some of our entrants and we've picked you" At this point I interrupt and say "Nah not interested thanks" And she says "oh may I ask why not" and I said "no you may not" I then got an apology for her interrupting me and we mutually said goodbye.

[FoxPaws]

Keep your "scripts" right in front of you. Put a post it or label right on your phone that says, "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

For the bank, you could tape one on your checkbook or wallet. I also like the idea of taking a stack of slips home and having everything filled out when you get there. Manager can't pester you if you're done and gone before s/he can get up from the desk.  If you're crafty you could even make a keychain that said, "No, thank you," on it.

[virgo]

What do you say when they say, "Why can't you .......?"

In my city, a charity used to call a resident in each neighborhood and ask them to send out cards to their neighbors asking them to donate to this charity.  The charity provided the list of neighbors to be contacted and the packets to mail to them. The donor was supposed to return the card to the neighbor with their donation who would then forward them to the charity.

In my opinion, the reason why they did it this way (rather than just mailing the request to each individual household) was because they thought that a person would be more liable to donate when they thought their neighbor would see what they donated.  I didn't like that kind of  fund-raising and said no when the person from the charity called me to be the point person in my neighborhood.  The person then asked, "Why not?"  I just said it was personal and left it at that.   I wasn't going to tell her why I didn't like the way they went about canvassing for donations.                 

[artk2002]

What do you say when they say, "Why can't you .......?"
              

You repeat "I'm sorry, that won't be possible."  Then you say "good bye."  Then you hang up.  Your answer of "it's personal" is fine, too.

Just because they ask "why," it doesn't mean that they're entitled to an answer.  Giving any kind of a reason is just an opportunity for them to begin negotiating.

[Merry Mrs Martin]

  It depends on your goal , if you wanted to donate blood just not talk about it at the moment. " Now is a bad time to talk please call back at x o'clock y day, thank you"  if you do not wish to donate but wished to next year.  " I am not available you may call me back though in May, thanks and have a nice day" or " I perfer to call when I'm ready. I will call you if I wish to donate by the special date. No need for a reminder call. thank you"   you can fill in whatever service for donate ......." I'm ready to have my carpets cleaned you can call back in___ "  " I will call you when I want more Avon , no need to call again" " This is a bad time to take a survey about my car buying experience please call back at x o'clock on y day"
Obviously this is for companies and people you wish to have futher dealing with.

For the bank " I'm pressed for time I'll just like to make a deposit/withdraw thank you."

For calls if you need a second to think it's fine to put a telemarketer on hold so you can compose yourself , but try to keep it under 30 seconds.

[virgo]

Just politely say no thankyou. They ask again and you say "I'm really not interested" They ask again you say "Good bye"

I entered a competition, drawing date comes and I didn't win. About two weeks later they ring me up "you entered a competition, now you didn't win but we have a special offer for some of our entrants and we've picked you" At this point I interrupt and say "Nah not interested thanks" And she says "oh may I ask why not" and I said "no you may not" I then got an apology for her interrupting me and we mutually said goodbye.

Just politely say no thankyou. They ask again and you say "I'm really not interested" They ask again you say "Good bye"

I entered a competition, drawing date comes and I didn't win. About two weeks later they ring me up "you entered a competition, now you didn't win but we have a special offer for some of our entrants and we've picked you" At this point I interrupt and say "Nah not interested thanks" And she says "oh may I ask why not" and I said "no you may not" I then got an apology for her interrupting me and we mutually said goodbye.

That reminds me of a local window-replacement company who set up a stand at the local mall with a place to sign up for a contest for free windows.
Well, most people sign up, you might get lucky...  Turns out the company calls you in a week and says, "I see you are interested in replacement windows."  Most people forgot about filling out the card for the drawing and wonder why they're being called!  I finally got smart and stopped entering any drawings like that.