Author Topic: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep  (Read 8106 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Shiraz_Much?

  • formerly celtic1973
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 814
  • Good wine is a necessity of life for me -Jefferson
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #15 on: August 05, 2010, 09:34:33 AM »
I'd rather 100 spouses get battered than one loud and spirited couple get their lives turned upside down because people want to assume there is abuse.

Whaaaa???? ??? ??? :o :o :o

I don't understand how you can say this.

ETA: This is more than just a "spirited and loud" conversation.  She said she can hear screaming and cursing.

New York
My soul is adrift in oceans of madness - Disturbed

Wine is sunlight, held together by water! - Galileo Gallilei

blueberry.muffin

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 296
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #16 on: August 05, 2010, 09:38:14 AM »
Id rather 100 spouses get battered than one loud and spirited couple get their lives turned upside down because people want to assume there is abuse.

That particular statement will likely get this thread shut down, which is unfortunate since the OP could certainly use some advice on her issue. I strongly suggest you take a long, hard look at what you wrote and think about it. You may also benefit from reading the advice below:

~*~

For the OP:

One time a police officer showed up at my house while my husband and I were at home. My husband answered the door since I was upstairs doing errands.. The officer asked if everything was ok. Puzzled, my husband said yes. The officer then demanded that I come downstairs. I did, and the officer asked me if I was ok. Very confused, I said yes, things were fine. The officer then said that someone had reported loud noises and screaming coming from our house. Hubby and I stood there looking baffled (because, well, we were!) and said that nothing had happened, and I kept reiterating I was fine.

And that was the end of it. The officer wished us a good day and left. Nothing further came of it. Our lives certainly weren't turned "upside-down."

And, I should add, we weren't angry. While there was nothing happening at our house, obviously something somewhere had concerned someone enough to call law enforcement in the middle of the day, and if something HAD happened to me I would be glad someone out there cared enough to call.

(And my sweet hubby is not abusive in any way, shape, or form. Just sayin.')


BettyDraper

  • Guest
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #17 on: August 05, 2010, 09:54:45 AM »
I would treat this as I would a loudly crying baby, screaming kids playing, barking dog, amplified music, revving motorcycles, etc. -- if it takes place during hours the town noise ordinance is in force (that would be 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. in my town) or if it exceeds a maximum decibel threshold at any time of day I'd complain to the ordinance officer.  If not, I'd probably lump it.  I don't like trying to control others when they are pursuing legal (albeit very annoying) activities. 

pierrotlunaire0

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4151
  • I'm the cat's aunt!
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #18 on: August 05, 2010, 09:57:49 AM »
  Id rather 100 spouses get battered than one loud and spirited couple get their lives turned upside down because people want to assume there is abuse.



Your statement is incredibly offensive, and I have never been battered.  Heck, I wasn't even spanked as a child past the age of 3.  If this is your idea of humor, it is in extremely poor taste.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy

Hushabye

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7640
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #19 on: August 05, 2010, 10:09:11 AM »
Id rather 100 spouses get battered than one loud and spirited couple get their lives turned upside down because people want to assume there is abuse.

I'm sure that there are at least 100 abusers out there who would agree with you vehemently.  I'm not so sure how the abused would feel, though.

Squeaks

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5026
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #20 on: August 05, 2010, 10:10:14 AM »
I am just going to respond once and be done with this.  

No my statement was not meant as humor.  I would rather many guilty go free than one innocent be wrongly punished.  In fact I have seen many times that our (in the US at least) legal system is designed specifically to support that.  I am strongly committed to innocent until proven guilty, hence i can not knowing partake in a system that would arrest now ask question later, as that is not treating the innocent fairly, nor should they be punished with the arrest when they are not guilty.  That is how i feel and i feel no guilt in it.

I am actually shocked at the shock at my statement  Are you all actually feeling that it is better to punish the innocent just in case rather than let the guilty go free?  That is terrifying to me.  

Maybe different areas are different, all i now is where i grew up my step-father was on the fire department and that was the policy, that someone *has* to be arrested.  Hence i would be extremely extremely careful about making the call.  As a comparison many people here frequently advocate calling CPS, just in case or better safe than sorry with the idea that is nothing wrong, nothing will be done and no harm would come.  Would you be as quick to advocate it "just in case" if the policy was take the kid and only return them when things are cleared up?  I think "just in case" would turn in "are you certain"

The ugly reality is that we do as a society have to weight if it is better to punish innocent wrongly to avoid the guilty going free wrongly, or to let guilty go free to protect the innocent of being wrongly punished.  I choose the later.  Some may choose the former.  I don't say this to stir the pot, but to acknowledge that no system is perfect, nor will it ever be.  Pros and cons have to be weight.  

Not saying it does not suck, but many things in life do.

 


Bexx27

  • Striving to meet the minimum requirements of social acceptability
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1872
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #21 on: August 05, 2010, 10:15:10 AM »
Let's keep in mind that if the OP called the police, it would be a noise complaint, not an accusation of domestic abuse. How long does the screaming generally last? Do the neighbors have their windows open?
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these. -George Washington Carver

BettyDraper

  • Guest
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #22 on: August 05, 2010, 10:17:40 AM »
I wouldn't put it the way the PP did but I think I understand what she was trying to say; it's like the legal (and biblical) principle "better that 10 guilty men go free than one innocent be punished" -- here's an interesting historical roundup:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackstone%27s_formulation

This country was founded to provide individual liberty, freedom from persecution and privacy for its citizens.  People thought those rights were important enough to leave everything they knew, and possibly to die for.  Defaulting to "call the police" for every little annoyance -- or if we see someone walking in a way we consider unsafe on the side of the road, or leaving their pet in a car (assuming the windows are cracked) or for other things that really are none of our business even if we don't approve -- slowly but surely erodes those principles.  Yes, in extreme circumstances, this laissez faire attitude toward our neighbors does mean that sometimes the cops won't be called for people (or pets) who really could use the assistance, but in the grand scheme of things that is the price we pay for our privacy, and privacy is not something to be dismissed lightly and not something always to be "trumped by safety."  Clearly our founding fathers and mothers valued privacy and freedom over safety.  I always ask myself, would Ben Franklin or Thomas Jefferson want us to be informing on one another in such a way, over petty annoyances?  Or would they pour another stein of beer and settle in with a good book, to live and let live?

pierrotlunaire0

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4151
  • I'm the cat's aunt!
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #23 on: August 05, 2010, 10:19:30 AM »
If a couple is "loud and spirited" to the point that they are waking their neighbors when the said neighbor is 25 - 30 feet away and behind closed windows, then that is more that loud and spirited.  It has happened on more than one occasion as well.

If a police officer is called out to ask them to hold down the noise and make certain that no one is being hurt, then I do not see that the potential consequence to the couple is heinous.

I repeat: your statement is incredibly offensive.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy

Shiraz_Much?

  • formerly celtic1973
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 814
  • Good wine is a necessity of life for me -Jefferson
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #24 on: August 05, 2010, 10:27:16 AM »
I agree that it is offensive.

If there is no wrong-doing happening, then no one's lives will be turned upside down.  If, by chance, someone is being hurt...then calling could quite possibly save someone's life!!

New York
My soul is adrift in oceans of madness - Disturbed

Wine is sunlight, held together by water! - Galileo Gallilei

mj

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 571
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #25 on: August 05, 2010, 10:34:44 AM »
I am just going to respond once and be done with this.  

No my statement was not meant as humor.  I would rather many guilty go free than one innocent be wrongly punished.  In fact I have seen many times that our (in the US at least) legal system is designed specifically to support that.  I am strongly committed to innocent until proven guilty, hence i can not knowing partake in a system that would arrest now ask question later, as that is not treating the innocent fairly, nor should they be punished with the arrest when they are not guilty.  That is how i feel and i feel no guilt in it.

I am actually shocked at the shock at my statement  Are you all actually feeling that it is better to punish the innocent just in case rather than let the guilty go free?  That is terrifying to me.  

Maybe different areas are different, all i now is where i grew up my step-father was on the fire department and that was the policy, that someone *has* to be arrested.  Hence i would be extremely extremely careful about making the call.  As a comparison many people here frequently advocate calling CPS, just in case or better safe than sorry with the idea that is nothing wrong, nothing will be done and no harm would come.  Would you be as quick to advocate it "just in case" if the policy was take the kid and only return them when things are cleared up?  I think "just in case" would turn in "are you certain"

The ugly reality is that we do as a society have to weight if it is better to punish innocent wrongly to avoid the guilty going free wrongly, or to let guilty go free to protect the innocent of being wrongly punished.  I choose the later.  Some may choose the former.  I don't say this to stir the pot, but to acknowledge that no system is perfect, nor will it ever be.  Pros and cons have to be weight.  

Not saying it does not suck, but many things in life do.

 



I think many states are different but from the states that I do know have this policy, one person involved in the domestic disturbance (or in the house where the dv is happening) would have to call to report --- then it is mandated for one person to be arrested.  Usually it's the same people calling the police over and over, they won't take the further services the police were mandated to offer, will not follow through on pressing charges on the aggressor or break up or other wise fix the situation but will call the police every friday/saturday night. 

A neighbor calling in a loud noise complaint is not the same.

HorseFreak

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2752
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #26 on: August 05, 2010, 10:43:24 AM »
I am just going to respond once and be done with this. 

No my statement was not meant as humor.  I would rather many guilty go free than one innocent be wrongly punished.  In fact I have seen many times that our (in the US at least) legal system is designed specifically to support that.  I am strongly committed to innocent until proven guilty, hence i can not knowing partake in a system that would arrest now ask question later, as that is not treating the innocent fairly, nor should they be punished with the arrest when they are not guilty.  That is how i feel and i feel no guilt in it.

I am actually shocked at the shock at my statement  Are you all actually feeling that it is better to punish the innocent just in case rather than let the guilty go free?  That is terrifying to me. 

Maybe different areas are different, all i now is where i grew up my step-father was on the fire department and that was the policy, that someone *has* to be arrested.  Hence i would be extremely extremely careful about making the call.  As a comparison many people here frequently advocate calling CPS, just in case or better safe than sorry with the idea that is nothing wrong, nothing will be done and no harm would come.  Would you be as quick to advocate it "just in case" if the policy was take the kid and only return them when things are cleared up?  I think "just in case" would turn in "are you certain"

The ugly reality is that we do as a society have to weight if it is better to punish innocent wrongly to avoid the guilty going free wrongly, or to let guilty go free to protect the innocent of being wrongly punished.  I choose the later.  Some may choose the former.  I don't say this to stir the pot, but to acknowledge that no system is perfect, nor will it ever be.  Pros and cons have to be weight. 

Not saying it does not suck, but many things in life do.

 



Aren't those 100 battered people just as innocent?

bbgirl

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 734
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #27 on: August 05, 2010, 10:56:56 AM »
I can understand Squeaks outlook on this, I just don't agree. I'd rather that one innocent man spend a night in jail than one of those other 100 battered people end up dying because of someone't innaction.
And I also agree that it's not likely someone is going to get arrested on a noise disturbance call.  Perhaps if it were called in as domestic abuse, but noise disturbance?  That would be the same as a loud party getting called on and then at least one person has to go to jail?  That doesn't make sense to me...

To the OP:  If you'd rather not get law enforcement involved at this point, I would suggest having a calm discussion with the husband since you say it's the wife you can clearly hear yelling profanity and the such.  And maybe it's a message better coming from your own husband as I've found that, at least with the men I know, advice given is usually taken better from another man as opposed to another woman.  (Maybe I only know cavemen :) )  If that tactic doesn't work then I vote calling the cops for noise disturbance every time it happens.

Good luck

exitzero

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 832
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #28 on: August 05, 2010, 11:03:29 AM »
I am just going to respond once and be done with this.  

No my statement was not meant as humor.  I would rather many guilty go free than one innocent be wrongly punished.  In fact I have seen many times that our (in the US at least) legal system is designed specifically to support that.  I am strongly committed to innocent until proven guilty, hence i can not knowing partake in a system that would arrest now ask question later, as that is not treating the innocent fairly, nor should they be punished with the arrest when they are not guilty.  That is how i feel and i feel no guilt in it.

I am actually shocked at the shock at my statement  Are you all actually feeling that it is better to punish the innocent just in case rather than let the guilty go free?  That is terrifying to me.  

Maybe different areas are different, all i now is where i grew up my step-father was on the fire department and that was the policy, that someone *has* to be arrested.  Hence i would be extremely extremely careful about making the call.  As a comparison many people here frequently advocate calling CPS, just in case or better safe than sorry with the idea that is nothing wrong, nothing will be done and no harm would come.  Would you be as quick to advocate it "just in case" if the policy was take the kid and only return them when things are cleared up?  I think "just in case" would turn in "are you certain"

The ugly reality is that we do as a society have to weight if it is better to punish innocent wrongly to avoid the guilty going free wrongly, or to let guilty go free to protect the innocent of being wrongly punished.  I choose the later.  Some may choose the former.  I don't say this to stir the pot, but to acknowledge that no system is perfect, nor will it ever be.  Pros and cons have to be weight.  

Not saying it does not suck, but many things in life do.

 



If this was the case, I don't see how anyone would ever be arrested for anything, or how you could ever call the police on ANY crime you heard/saw. Yes, sometimes innocent people get arrested. That's why we have the courts/legal system to figure that out. It's not perfect, but the I would think the goal would be to work to fix the system, not to just ignore any crime that takes place because a person might be wrongly accused.

BettyDraper

  • Guest
Re: I can hear you fighting and I can't sleep
« Reply #29 on: August 05, 2010, 11:15:41 AM »
I am just going to respond once and be done with this.  

No my statement was not meant as humor.  I would rather many guilty go free than one innocent be wrongly punished.  In fact I have seen many times that our (in the US at least) legal system is designed specifically to support that.  I am strongly committed to innocent until proven guilty, hence i can not knowing partake in a system that would arrest now ask question later, as that is not treating the innocent fairly, nor should they be punished with the arrest when they are not guilty.  That is how i feel and i feel no guilt in it.

I am actually shocked at the shock at my statement  Are you all actually feeling that it is better to punish the innocent just in case rather than let the guilty go free?  That is terrifying to me.  

Maybe different areas are different, all i now is where i grew up my step-father was on the fire department and that was the policy, that someone *has* to be arrested.  Hence i would be extremely extremely careful about making the call.  As a comparison many people here frequently advocate calling CPS, just in case or better safe than sorry with the idea that is nothing wrong, nothing will be done and no harm would come.  Would you be as quick to advocate it "just in case" if the policy was take the kid and only return them when things are cleared up?  I think "just in case" would turn in "are you certain"

The ugly reality is that we do as a society have to weight if it is better to punish innocent wrongly to avoid the guilty going free wrongly, or to let guilty go free to protect the innocent of being wrongly punished.  I choose the later.  Some may choose the former.  I don't say this to stir the pot, but to acknowledge that no system is perfect, nor will it ever be.  Pros and cons have to be weight.  

Not saying it does not suck, but many things in life do.

 



If this was the case, I don't see how anyone would ever be arrested for anything, or how you could ever call the police on ANY crime you heard/saw. Yes, sometimes innocent people get arrested. That's why we have the courts/legal system to figure that out. It's not perfect, but the I would think the goal would be to work to fix the system, not to just ignore any crime that takes place because a person might be wrongly accused.

The idea is that one has more probable cause than just hearing yelling coming from a nearby house. 

I think the founders of the country must be spinning in their graves right now at how lightly today's citizens speak of informing on one another and letting innocent people spend the night in jail "just in case."