Author Topic: Beyond Uncomfortable  (Read 5157 times)

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Hanna

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Beyond Uncomfortable
« on: August 05, 2010, 01:20:32 PM »
Why do these things happen to me?

I have spent some time over the last month with a wonderful man.   He's visiting town for the summer while writing his thesis and job hunting.
He is gorgeous, brilliant and wonderful to be around.  There's no question about our attraction to one another and our compatibility, but we both know he won't be here forever.

I met him because his Dad's wife is great friends with a dear friend of mine.  He is quite a few years my junior but the age difference is not noticeable to me nor to people that have spent time with us.
(I like to think Demi and Ashton).

So Dad's wife just emailed me to try to set me up with her co-worker.  This is beyond uncomfortable for me.  She's well aware that we have a little romance, but being about 25 years my Sr, probably thinks it's silly and foolish.  I don't think her intentions are malicious, but she should know better.  I'm certain that he has no idea she has done this. 

What would you do?

bah12

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2010, 01:23:37 PM »
Just tell her "Thank you for the offer, but I'm not interested at this time"

ETA: Thinking about this some more, I can see where it would be odd for your boyfriend's(is the correct word) stepmother(?) to try to set you up with someone else when she knows about your current relationship; however, because you don't think she's being malicious and even if she was trying to give you a hint that she thinks your relationship is "silly", there's no point in really engaging beyond respoding to her inquiry of a set up. 

You're not interested in being set up with her coworker and your reasons don't matter, so a "thanks but no thanks" should do it.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2010, 01:27:05 PM by bah12 »

jimithing

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2010, 01:24:43 PM »
What is your relationship status? I don't think you should try to read into her motives. You say you have "spent some time" with this guy over the past month. Are you dating? Are you exclusive?

Unless you told her that you didn't want to date anyone else, how is she supposed to know that you would be opposed to going out with other people?

Bibliophile

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2010, 01:27:43 PM »
I would just tell her that you're not interested at this time.  But you've said yourself that you both know that he won't be there forever so I'm not sure I would read any slights into the suggestion. 

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.” ~ Groucho Marx

Hanna

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2010, 01:30:51 PM »
What is your rel@tionship status? I don't think you should try to read into her motives. You say you have "spent some time" with this guy over the past month. Are you d@ting? Are you exclusive?

Unless you told her that you didn't want to date anyone else, how is she supposed to know that you would be opposed to going out with other people?
Yes, we have called it "dating".  But it is casual and given that we are both adults, were he not living with her and his Dad right now, it wouldn't be mentioned to them at all at this stage.

I would think it was pretty uncomfortable even if I'd never spent time with him, honestly.
I've only ever met her twice. At this point he's my main connection to her! 
I mean, what's to make her think she should be setting me up with anyone given that I barely know her?




Again, not malicious, just really really weird.


Hanna

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #5 on: August 05, 2010, 01:34:11 PM »
I would just tell her that you're not interested at this time.  But you've said yourself that you both know that he won't be there forever so I'm not sure I would read any slights into the suggestion. 
Not feeling slighted in the least.
Just put in an awkward position by someone of an age that I believe they should be wiser than that.
So annoyed might be the word. 

I declined "for myriad reasons"  but thanked her for thinking of me.  She replied.  It's fine, just...  ::)

And honestly, I know him well enough to know he would be a little bothered by it as well. 
But I won't bring it up... he doesn't need it.

Allyson

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2010, 05:32:59 PM »
I can see why you're bothered. It feels a bit like disapproval or a dig, like 'my stepson isn't an appropriate partner for you, so what about this guy? he's more your style!'

I'd say just tell her you're not interested, though. But yeah..awkward!

bluebirds

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #7 on: August 05, 2010, 05:59:21 PM »
If there is nothing official maybe she's genuinely met a man she thinks might suit you? Dad and step-mum have a 30yr age gap and they're more than happy so it's not all about that.

On the other hand, if she heard something, but knows that he isn't staying long, then why not 'push' you towards some dates so that it's not quite as difficult when he does leave?

Or in a romantic comedy way she's setting you up withte wrong guy so you realise that the right guy is actually just right, in spite of the distance thing :)

Brentwood

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #8 on: August 05, 2010, 06:05:07 PM »
What is your rel@tionship status? I don't think you should try to read into her motives. You say you have "spent some time" with this guy over the past month. Are you d@ting? Are you exclusive?

Unless you told her that you didn't want to date anyone else, how is she supposed to know that you would be opposed to going out with other people?

Well...it's a little odd, I think, for the stepmother of the man Hanna's dating to try setting her up with someone else, regardless of whether Hanna had mentioned whether they were dating exclusively.

hobish

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #9 on: August 05, 2010, 07:25:36 PM »

Ohhhh! I just caught on --ok, didn't catch on,, had it explained  :P -- that it was his stepmother trying to set you up. Yeah, that is weird, to say the least. At least she took your decline with semi-good grace, i suppose. That is definitely strange, though.

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jimithing

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #10 on: August 05, 2010, 07:47:46 PM »

Ohhhh! I just caught on --ok, didn't catch on,, had it explained  :P -- that it was his stepmother trying to set you up. Yeah, that is weird, to say the least. At least she took your decline with semi-good grace, i suppose. That is definitely strange, though.



Oh! I didn't realize this either. I thought it was the *OP's* stepmom, and I didn't get what was so odd about it. That makes much more sense.

Raintree

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #11 on: August 05, 2010, 11:18:19 PM »
Well maybe she feels bad for you that it's not going to work with her stepson (because of the distance thing) and thinks you deserve something that has some hope for the future. I mean in HER eyes, not realizing that perhaps you are perfectly happy with the status quo.

I'd echo PP's and say, "Thanks, but I'm not interested right now."

Hanna

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #12 on: August 05, 2010, 11:36:55 PM »

Or in a romantic comedy way she's setting you up withte wrong guy so you realise that the right guy is actually just right, in spite of the distance thing :)
This made me giggle!

Hanna

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #13 on: August 05, 2010, 11:39:15 PM »
I can see why you're bothered. It feels a bit like disapproval or a dig, like 'my stepson isn't an appropriate partner for you, so what about this guy? he's more your style!'

I'd say just tell her you're not interested, though. But yeah..awkward!
I have to say that crossed my mind at first. But then I know better than to draw conclusions without ample evidence.

Hanna

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Re: Beyond Uncomfortable
« Reply #14 on: August 05, 2010, 11:41:11 PM »

Ohhhh! I just caught on --ok, didn't catch on,, had it explained  :P -- that it was his stepmother trying to set you up. Yeah, that is weird, to say the least. At least she took your decline with semi-good grace, i suppose. That is definitely strange, though.



Oh! I didn't realize this either. I thought it was the *OP's* stepmom, and I didn't get what was so odd about it. That makes much more sense.
Oh, that makes more sense! I couldn't figure out why you would think that it was normal.  :)
He doesn't really think of her as a "step mother" but as his father's wife so I used that wording and it probably wasn't clear.

Thanks Cathy, for clearing that up!