Author Topic: Gracefully handling a bait-and-switch  (Read 10452 times)

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Scuba_Dog

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Re: Gracefully handling a bait-and-switch
« Reply #75 on: August 16, 2010, 09:05:16 PM »
Why not just let the guy go on his way?  Maybe the next person he meets won't care.  

This.  

I imagine that he's not the only one who has posted a picture that was not true to what he looked like at the time.  It seems like the OP was able to handle the situation with grace and move on.  

I don't think he needs to be "reported" for posting a picture that doesn't look like him.  That seems really OTT, imo.



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noexitwounds

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Re: Gracefully handling a bait-and-switch
« Reply #76 on: August 16, 2010, 09:21:32 PM »
I don't think he needs to be "reported" for posting a picture that doesn't look like him.  That seems really OTT, imo.

The contention here isn't the picture itself -- it's that he also seemingly lied about his age on his profile as well. Using an older picture without explaining it's an older picture is a lie of omission and, okay, something that might be overlooked. Lying directly, by stating a false age, is the sort of thing that EULA's for these type of sites seriously frown upon.

Now, in this situation, the OP doesn't necessarily know, for a fact, the age was false. But the chances that the age matched the picture AND the picture didn't match the man YET the age was accurate seem slim. I'd, personally, confirm the real age and then, yes, report the guy.
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Scuba_Dog

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Re: Gracefully handling a bait-and-switch
« Reply #77 on: August 16, 2010, 09:34:59 PM »
I don't think he needs to be "reported" for posting a picture that doesn't look like him.  That seems really OTT, imo.

The contention here isn't the picture itself -- it's that he also seemingly lied about his age on his profile as well. Using an older picture without explaining it's an older picture is a lie of omission and, okay, something that might be overlooked. Lying directly, by stating a false age, is the sort of thing that EULA's for these type of sites seriously frown upon.

Now, in this situation, the OP doesn't necessarily know, for a fact, the age was false. But the chances that the age matched the picture AND the picture didn't match the man YET the age was accurate seem slim. I'd, personally, confirm the real age and then, yes, report the guy.

To each their own, I guess.  I'd just let it go.
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noexitwounds

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Re: Gracefully handling a bait-and-switch
« Reply #78 on: August 16, 2010, 10:03:32 PM »
I don't think he needs to be "reported" for posting a picture that doesn't look like him.  That seems really OTT, imo.

The contention here isn't the picture itself -- it's that he also seemingly lied about his age on his profile as well. Using an older picture without explaining it's an older picture is a lie of omission and, okay, something that might be overlooked. Lying directly, by stating a false age, is the sort of thing that EULA's for these type of sites seriously frown upon.

Now, in this situation, the OP doesn't necessarily know, for a fact, the age was false. But the chances that the age matched the picture AND the picture didn't match the man YET the age was accurate seem slim. I'd, personally, confirm the real age and then, yes, report the guy.

To each their own, I guess.  I'd just let it go.

I'm not a big fan of liars.
Did you know that cats can make one thousand different sounds and dogs can only make ten? Cats, man. Not to be trusted. -- Jake Jensen, The Losers

Scuba_Dog

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Re: Gracefully handling a bait-and-switch
« Reply #79 on: August 16, 2010, 10:14:29 PM »
I don't think he needs to be "reported" for posting a picture that doesn't look like him.  That seems really OTT, imo.

The contention here isn't the picture itself -- it's that he also seemingly lied about his age on his profile as well. Using an older picture without explaining it's an older picture is a lie of omission and, okay, something that might be overlooked. Lying directly, by stating a false age, is the sort of thing that EULA's for these type of sites seriously frown upon.

Now, in this situation, the OP doesn't necessarily know, for a fact, the age was false. But the chances that the age matched the picture AND the picture didn't match the man YET the age was accurate seem slim. I'd, personally, confirm the real age and then, yes, report the guy.

To each their own, I guess.  I'd just let it go.

I'm not a big fan of liars.

Neither am I.  I just happen to think reporting what he did (in the context of these sites) is an over reaction and not necessary.
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Scuba_Dog

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Re: Gracefully handling a bait-and-switch
« Reply #80 on: August 16, 2010, 10:25:44 PM »
Let me put it another way:  I would bet anything I own that if 50-plus percent of the people on online d@ting sites found out that someone they met whom they found totally hot, interesting, desirable, available, and fun to be with had lied about his age plus or minus 10 years, they would rationalize it one way or the other because of their strong attraction to the man.  But let a dumpy middle-aged guy try it and bam!  Report him to the authorities!  Why not just let the guy go on his way?  Maybe the next person he meets won't care. 

Oh..  I shouldn't have taken that part out of my last quote because I completely agree with what BD said. 

As a matter of fact, I'd double down on that bet.

It's not that I condone what he did, it's just that I think it's probably very common.  I imagine his lesson may have been learned in Starsafire response to him.  I actually think it would have been OK for her to go one step further and tell him that she wasn't feeling a "spark" because of his dishonesty, re. the picture. 

I'm just of the opinion that reporting the man to TPTB of the site is overkill. 

Out of curiosity, what would they do anyway?  Do they set up a meeting with him and compare the picture to his face?  (I mean NO snark, I'm honestly curious how a huge site like match.com or eharmony could possibly police something like that?  Everyone has different expectations and pictures frequently don't do a person justice.  I wonder how they handle those reports.)



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noexitwounds

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Re: Gracefully handling a bait-and-switch
« Reply #81 on: August 16, 2010, 10:43:44 PM »
Out of curiosity, what would they do anyway?  Do they set up a meeting with him and compare the picture to his face?  (I mean NO snark, I'm honestly curious how a huge site like match.com or eharmony could possibly police something like that?  Everyone has different expectations and pictures frequently don't do a person justice.  I wonder how they handle those reports.)

Well, from my work in IT,  I'd guess that either they ask for some sort of validation (such as a driver's license or passport) to be faxed to them or they take it under advisement but leave it alone until a second complaint about the same thing is voiced by another person, at which time they either ask for validation or just plainly bar the person from the site. On the extreme end, they could ask for a current picture with some proof of date be sent to them for comparison but this, again, has more to do with him stating a false age rather than using an old picture.

It's not that I condone what he did, it's just that I think it's probably very common.  I imagine his lesson may have been learned in Starsafire response to him.  I actually think it would have been OK for her to go one step further and tell him that she wasn't feeling a "spark" because of his dishonesty, re. the picture.

'Well, it's not okay but everyone else is doing it so what's the big deal, right?' I mean, that's what you're saying. And I'd say that just because it's common (and therefore I can't "fix" it everywhere) doesn't mean that when I encounter it I'm going to ignore it. Because I'm not, because it's not okay. And, hey, then there's potentially one less liar on the site, which is a positive.
Did you know that cats can make one thousand different sounds and dogs can only make ten? Cats, man. Not to be trusted. -- Jake Jensen, The Losers

Scuba_Dog

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Re: Gracefully handling a bait-and-switch
« Reply #82 on: August 16, 2010, 11:54:28 PM »
Out of curiosity, what would they do anyway?  Do they set up a meeting with him and compare the picture to his face?  (I mean NO snark, I'm honestly curious how a huge site like match.com or eharmony could possibly police something like that?  Everyone has different expectations and pictures frequently don't do a person justice.  I wonder how they handle those reports.)

Well, from my work in IT,  I'd guess that either they ask for some sort of validation (such as a driver's license or passport) to be faxed to them or they take it under advisement but leave it alone until a second complaint about the same thing is voiced by another person, at which time they either ask for validation or just plainly bar the person from the site. On the extreme end, they could ask for a current picture with some proof of date be sent to them for comparison but this, again, has more to do with him stating a false age rather than using an old picture.

It's not that I condone what he did, it's just that I think it's probably very common.  I imagine his lesson may have been learned in Starsafire response to him.  I actually think it would have been OK for her to go one step further and tell him that she wasn't feeling a "spark" because of his dishonesty, re. the picture.

'Well, it's not okay but everyone else is doing it so what's the big deal, right?' I mean, that's what you're saying. And I'd say that just because it's common (and therefore I can't "fix" it everywhere) doesn't mean that when I encounter it I'm going to ignore it. Because I'm not, because it's not okay. And, hey, then there's potentially one less liar on the site, which is a positive.

No, that's not what I'm saying.  I'm saying it's not a big deal to me and I wouldn't report it and I think doing so is OTT.

Is it "OK?" Probably not, but lots of things aren't, that doesn't mean I'm going to go report them.  Some transgressions (for me anyway) are walkaway worthy.  I don't give them another thought, I just move on.  That's what I'd do in this case. 
 
Interesting thoughts on how you think they would handle it though.
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Eisa

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Re: Gracefully handling a bait-and-switch
« Reply #83 on: August 17, 2010, 12:26:43 AM »
I don't know if I would report him to the dating site administration, but I would definitely be not ok with the dishonesty. I've lied about my age once, when I was a dumb teenager.  :-[ I told a guy on MySpace that I was 18 when I was really 17 [although my birthday was 2 months away]. We ended up actually meeting. Thankfully for all involved, it was at a public place and he ended up actually being a good guy. But was a good lesson for me...:P

I wouldn't necessarily be worrying that he's hiding a serial killer's past, but yeah, if he's going to lie about his age to that degree, what else is he lying about? I don't care if someone lied about their age as in it's a year or two off, like because they don't want to put their real birthday on their profile or something [and they say that once we start talking]. But a 10+ year difference is a pretty big red flag. I mean, even if I just wanted a super casual relationship, I would want it with someone who didn't lie right off the bat.
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