Author Topic: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?  (Read 8125 times)

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Mocha

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #15 on: August 06, 2010, 01:31:20 PM »
I think cshiley has the right approach.  He wants drama, don't give it to him. And the more he tells the same "my last girlfriend treated me badly" story, the more he will take care of his reputation himself.

Allyson

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #16 on: August 08, 2010, 04:38:06 AM »
I'm with those who are in favour of telling him straight you know what he's been saying about you, and don't have any interest in being friends with him. Maybe he's trying to create drama, maybe not, but I don't think that's a reason not to be straightforward if you want to be! And maybe he is just very clueless; people get really caught up in talking about past relationships, and having you say 'hey, that is NOT what happened and I don't appreciate you telling people so' might be a wake-up call.

Texas Mom

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #17 on: August 09, 2010, 10:26:49 PM »
This guy is a drama llama.  He's looking for attention.  If you call him out on his behavior, you're giving him what he wants.

My vote is do not respond.

Delete all messages unread.

When you unavoidably run into him, tell him you've been SO busy doing (fill in the blank).

gramma dishes

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #18 on: August 09, 2010, 10:47:03 PM »
I personally don't think you should respond in any way at all.  His actions do and will continue to speak for themselves.  Who decided she didn't want to be your friend?  Someone you'd never met!  My guess is your other friends, you know the ones who actually know you, have already figured all this out and if they haven't they will in the very near future.

You owe him NOTHING!!!!

If you come face to face with him, respond politely but cooly.  If he asks what you've been doing, tell him "My husband and I just got back from Blankety Blank.  We had a great time.  Isn't this the best bean dip you've ever tasted?"  Then leave and go talk to someone else.  

Celany

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #19 on: August 29, 2010, 03:40:40 PM »
I'm in the "tell him that you know he's said things about you, you don't like it, & that's why you don't want to talk to him anymore" camp. Then block him on FB, don't respond to texts, and be polite and superficial in public.

That's not creating drama, but it *is* telling him that you know, that it's not ok, and that there are consequences to his actions, ie, you want nothing to do with him.

Creating drama would be telling him you know, then responding to his response, & letting it keep going back & forth.

I don't know if I'm delusional, but I believe that telling people when you know they're doing something crappy & then changing your behavior accordingly (like no longer being friends with someone) can make them realize that their behavior is not OK, and may provide the impetus for them to change it. I don't think it always works, but I do believe that if more people called other people (in a civil way) on their bad behavior & there were more consequences to bad behavior, then there'd be less bad behavior.

Was there a resolution to this?
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Lisbeth

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #20 on: August 29, 2010, 03:53:11 PM »
"Mike, this will be our last contact.  I am aware of what you have said about me to others.  I do not wish to hear from or about you again."

And then follow through by not responding to anything he says.  If you hear any more trash about you, I'd respond, "I'm sure that's how Mike sees it.  It's between Mike and me-let's leave it that way."
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Winterlight

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #21 on: August 30, 2010, 10:55:24 AM »
Does anyone have any ideas how I should tell Mike that I'm not interested in having a friendship with him. I'm nervous because he's very sensitive, and he's also shown that he's not worried about talking about me, and possibly making things up about me, behind my back. I wouldn't be so worried but we will still have to see each other as we're both involved in this activity. The activity will force us to talk and interact at times.

I disagree about him being sensitive. I think he's a clod and would block and ignore.
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mechtilde

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #22 on: August 30, 2010, 02:04:52 PM »
Does anyone have any ideas how I should tell Mike that I'm not interested in having a friendship with him. I'm nervous because he's very sensitive, and he's also shown that he's not worried about talking about me, and possibly making things up about me, behind my back. I wouldn't be so worried but we will still have to see each other as we're both involved in this activity. The activity will force us to talk and interact at times.

I disagree about him being sensitive. I think he's a clod and would block and ignore.

His own feelings may be sensitive, but he's completely insensitive to the feelings of others.
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Nora

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #23 on: August 31, 2010, 10:45:10 AM »
Does anyone have any ideas how I should tell Mike that I'm not interested in having a friendship with him. I'm nervous because he's very sensitive, and he's also shown that he's not worried about talking about me, and possibly making things up about me, behind my back. I wouldn't be so worried but we will still have to see each other as we're both involved in this activity. The activity will force us to talk and interact at times.

I disagree about him being sensitive. I think he's a clod and would block and ignore.

Yup.

His own feelings may be sensitive, but he's completely insensitive to the feelings of others.
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

Blondie

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #24 on: September 01, 2010, 11:16:36 PM »
I don't think I would tell him that you don't want to be friends. In his mind you have wronged him- or at least this is how he is portraying it to the outside world. Regardless of his motives/thoughts, making a statement that you don't want to be friends just plays into the drama which he surrounds himself with. I would ignore him/bean dip requests to hang out. Let the "friendship" die. Be busy, or just don't respond, esp if the group meets so infrequently. If nothing else, you are the grown-up in the situation. But to outright say you don't want to be friends gives him more fuel for your "meanness".

Also- I wouldn't refer to him as your "ex"- three dates does not a relationship make. It just plays more into his stories.
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Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #25 on: September 01, 2010, 11:32:07 PM »
I don't think I would tell him that you don't want to be friends. In his mind you have wronged him- or at least this is how he is portraying it to the outside world. Regardless of his motives/thoughts, making a statement that you don't want to be friends just plays into the drama which he surrounds himself with. I would ignore him/bean dip requests to hang out. Let the "friendship" die. Be busy, or just don't respond, esp if the group meets so infrequently. If nothing else, you are the grown-up in the situation. But to outright say you don't want to be friends gives him more fuel for your "meanness".

Also- I wouldn't refer to him as your "ex"- three dates does not a rel@tionship make. It just plays more into his stories.

This bears repeating..... 3 Dates does not a boyfriend make

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mj

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #26 on: September 02, 2010, 11:58:35 AM »
I don't think I would tell him that you don't want to be friends. In his mind you have wronged him- or at least this is how he is portraying it to the outside world. Regardless of his motives/thoughts, making a statement that you don't want to be friends just plays into the drama which he surrounds himself with. I would ignore him/bean dip requests to hang out. Let the "friendship" die. Be busy, or just don't respond, esp if the group meets so infrequently. If nothing else, you are the grown-up in the situation. But to outright say you don't want to be friends gives him more fuel for your "meanness".

Also- I wouldn't refer to him as your "ex"- three dates does not a rel@tionship make. It just plays more into his stories.

This bears repeating..... 3 Dates does not a boyfriend make

This.  I'm actually surprised that someone would make such a big deal about a potential relationship ending...not to mention, still doing it 2 years later.  He doesn't sound quite right.  With that said, I'd ignore.  He doesn't need an explanation and likely if he did get one, he'd add into his 'she done me wrong, wrong, wrong' act.  Delete, ignore and if others bring it up 'we went on 3 dates!'  Most people would pause at that.

Winterlight

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #27 on: September 02, 2010, 04:41:23 PM »
Does anyone have any ideas how I should tell Mike that I'm not interested in having a friendship with him. I'm nervous because he's very sensitive, and he's also shown that he's not worried about talking about me, and possibly making things up about me, behind my back. I wouldn't be so worried but we will still have to see each other as we're both involved in this activity. The activity will force us to talk and interact at times.

I disagree about him being sensitive. I think he's a clod and would block and ignore.

His own feelings may be sensitive, but he's completely insensitive to the feelings of others.

I'll rephrase. He's using "I'm sensitive" as a club to make others uncomfortable. That's why I think he's a clod.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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figee

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #28 on: September 02, 2010, 10:48:44 PM »
Does anyone have any ideas how I should tell Mike that I'm not interested in having a friendship with him. I'm nervous because he's very sensitive, and he's also shown that he's not worried about talking about me, and possibly making things up about me, behind my back. I wouldn't be so worried but we will still have to see each other as we're both involved in this activity. The activity will force us to talk and interact at times.

I disagree about him being sensitive. I think he's a clod and would block and ignore.

His own feelings may be sensitive, but he's completely insensitive to the feelings of others.

I'll rephrase. He's using "I'm sensitive" as a club to make others uncomfortable. That's why I think he's a clod.

And is it just me, or is it the people who feel the need to say 'I'm sensitive' that are invariably the most insensitive, inconsiderate and selfish people you have to interact with?

POD to those above who argue that 3 dates doesn't constitute a relationship.  I think I'd just ignore him, and if other people mention it, maybe say something like "Bob?  He's still going on about that?  We went out on three dates two years ago, so I don't really understand.  Oh well.  Have you tried the bean dip?"

Winterlight

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Re: How do I tell my ex I don't want to be friends?
« Reply #29 on: September 03, 2010, 02:15:41 PM »
Does anyone have any ideas how I should tell Mike that I'm not interested in having a friendship with him. I'm nervous because he's very sensitive, and he's also shown that he's not worried about talking about me, and possibly making things up about me, behind my back. I wouldn't be so worried but we will still have to see each other as we're both involved in this activity. The activity will force us to talk and interact at times.

I disagree about him being sensitive. I think he's a clod and would block and ignore.

His own feelings may be sensitive, but he's completely insensitive to the feelings of others.

I'll rephrase. He's using "I'm sensitive" as a club to make others uncomfortable. That's why I think he's a clod.

And is it just me, or is it the people who feel the need to say 'I'm sensitive' that are invariably the most insensitive, inconsiderate and selfish people you have to interact with?

It's not just you.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls