Author Topic: Would you consider this status rude?  (Read 4084 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Roe

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6305
Would you consider this status rude?
« on: August 07, 2010, 10:37:00 AM »
A houseguest posts this as the status.

"Wt-! ugh....They are watching Harry Potter. Woke up to the theme song."  

Would you think it rude that they are complaining about you via FB like so?  


Additional info that one can skip: Not sure if this info is needed so...houseguest is actually niece who lives with us at the moment.  She has been with us for 5mths.  Will continue to live with us for another 5mths.  She is 19 years old and we support her financially 100%.  (her mom does not give us a dime)  

I'm a bit annoyed by her status because all she had to do was say something directly to me instead of using a PA method of communicating.  On the other hand, I'm not sure I would be annoyed if it were my oldestson who posted such a status.  But then, OS has no issue in telling us "lower it down, please." Sometimes it's hard to tell when to treat her like a guest or 'one of the family.'

Not sure if I should just ignore or address it.  It's not that big of an issue but if I don't address it now, what might she complain about next...on FB when I'd rather she just come to me and say something?

Was status rude?  Would you address or ignore? Am I overthinking and being too sensitive?  

CrayonOutlines

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2009
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2010, 10:50:24 AM »
Yes, it's rude.

I'm ambivalent about addressing it.

You're not overthinking or being too sensitive.  :)

zoidberg

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1999
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2010, 10:54:01 AM »
If she's living with you for a year and you're paying for her, she's not a guest, she's family.

I'd treat her the same way you'd treat your oldest son.

MaggieB

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1979
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2010, 10:55:27 AM »
I do think the status is probably in poor taste, but I don't think this necessarily needs to be addressed.  She was irritated and letting off a little steam on Facebook.  Not the most mature/thoughtful/effective response, but that's what she did.  I think that even under the best of circumstances, adults living together for ten months are going to have friction.  She probably didn't come to you about it because she recognizes that you were not doing anything wrong.  You were just watching a movie.  It happened to annoy her on a bad morning and she vented.  If she is otherwise pleasant and isn't giving you any indication that she is unhappy living with you, I would let it go.  

Roe

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6305
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2010, 11:06:19 AM »
This happened last night.  Had she said something, I would have lowered it.  Actually, we are having a Harry Potter marathon this weekend and for some reason, the first movie goes high in volume during big action scenes and then we had to raise it for other scenes.  I was in charge of the remote and it was even annoying me!

So I do understand what she's saying...I just didn't appreciate it on FB.  I almost just want to say "Niece, I saw your status, if something annoys you, please address it with me instead of posting about it."

Yes, there has been friction.  *sigh*  I love my niece but we all have our own way of doing things.  And when she asked to move in with us (to go to vocational school not far from us), we warned her that this wasn't a good time as I'm homeschooling my youngest so she'd have to share that room with him.  (part schoolroom/part bedroom)  She said she was okay with it and now that we are getting ready for new year of school, she's moving things around the room...after I've already organized them in a way that suits me and my son.  So yeah, I think things are building. 

I just can't wait for Dec!  I hate to sound like that because it's been great having her here but I'm ready to have our space back.  And more money in the bank.  I never realized how much money an extra person add can to one's food budget!  Yikes!  And yes, that's another issue...her mom hasn't given me a dime for her support.  Still, DH and I want to help niece out as much as possible.  We want her to get a good start in life.  All we ask for is respect and, I think that's why the status annoys me a bit. 

Roe

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6305
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2010, 11:07:22 AM »
You're not overthinking or being too sensitive.  :)

Thanks!  Sometimes it's hard for me to tell after years of hearing my mother say "you are too sensitive."  LOL!!!

Kaypeep

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2237
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2010, 11:29:31 AM »
I agree that you should treat her like family, since she's living with you so long and technically she IS family.

I also think she's not rude to post it on FB.  As you said, if it were your son doing it, you wouldn't be offended.  I think she's entitled to feel annoyed at anything and entitled to vent on FB.  I also think you are entitled to address it, however you should NOT say "Please don't post about it" because this is a petty issue she posted about, and telling her what she can and can not post about over something like this is out of line (IMO.)  (In other words, it's not like she posted some private family business on FB.)

I'd tell her you saw it, and just say "I noticed your Harry Potter complaint on FB. You know you're family here, so don't think you can't come out and tell us to turn the TV down if it's bothering you.  Okay?" and leave it at that.  Hopefully she'll start speaking up and stop being PA.  Also, she'll take the hint that she should not post FB updates that concern your household since you can see them.

Roe

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6305
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2010, 11:50:48 AM »
I'd tell her you saw it, and just say "I noticed your Harry Potter complaint on FB. You know you're family here, so don't think you can't come out and tell us to turn the TV down if it's bothering you.  Okay?" and leave it at that.  Hopefully she'll start speaking up and stop being PA.  Also, she'll take the hint that she should not post FB updates that concern your household since you can see them.

Good point, thanks!

And yes, she is family but it's always different when someone lives with you.  We do treat her like family but when it comes to things that annoy us, we tend to give her a pass whereas my sons, I would just say "hey, stop that!"  KWIM?

Kimblee

  • I look good in white....
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6615
  • "Hugs don't go Boom." "They don't? Since when?"
    • My Blog
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2010, 01:12:57 PM »
I just can't wait for Dec!  I hate to sound like that because it's been great having her here but I'm ready to have our space back.  And more money in the bank.  I never realized how much money an extra person add can to one's food budget!  Yikes!  And yes, that's another issue...her mom hasn't given me a dime for her support.  Still, DH and I want to help niece out as much as possible.  We want her to get a good start in life.  All we ask for is respect and, I think that's why the status annoys me a bit. 

Hmm. It sounds like you and your niece get along most of the time, and you guys are just having a bit of a rough patch. It doesn;t seem to be anyone's fault though, other than that she vents on a public forum, and it might have hurt your feelings? You're not over-reacting, but if it makes you feel any better, I totally vent on omegle about family annoyances, especially the teensy ones that don;t mean a thing. (Like the Harry Potter gripe)

You and your DH are wonderful people to be willing to help your niece, and she seems like a nice girl who appreciates your kindness. Someday, when she has her career in order, you can look at her success and know that you helped her get there, and i bet this will have become a giggle story by then. Keep your eye on the prize.

Hanna

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7270
    • RumorsAboutMe
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2010, 01:31:20 PM »
I'd probably reply to her, actually.

"You do know your hosts can see your FB status, right?
:) 
"

Roe

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6305
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2010, 01:57:06 PM »
She is aware that I view her status as I often comment.

Rivaini

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 807
  • Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
    • Keto Kitchen
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2010, 02:09:04 PM »
I don't know... I see her FB post as more of a general complaint about Harry Potter, not the volume level of your activity. She said she "woke up to the theme song", not "they're watching a movie and it woke me up". 

I think she just wanted to snark on Harry Potter, not on anything her kind hosts are doing. I could be totally off base, but that's how I read it.  :)
Err on the side of awesome.

NorCal

Roe

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6305
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2010, 02:20:03 PM »
Ireyah...thank you! I did not see it that way but now, I totally can. And, I'm going to choose to take it that way. Thanks! :)

DottyG

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18204
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #13 on: August 07, 2010, 02:51:31 PM »
Can I just, gently, point out that you're kinda, sorta doing the same thing she did! ;)

She may not have known how (or if) to address her issue with you. Much like you've posted in a public place because you're not sure how (or if) to address yours with her.

So, maybe just forgive her for posting her status?


Roe

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6305
Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #14 on: August 07, 2010, 03:00:16 PM »
So, maybe just forgive her for posting her status?

That was done before I posted. ;)

I just, like you said, I wasn't sure how or if I should proceed.  And I wasn't sure if I was being overly sensitive.  

She's my niece and I love her.  It's just, I guess, 'growing pains.'  I suppose as we get more comfortable living with each other, it's bound to happen.

Oh and to answer a PP....'yes' we did sit down with her and tell her the basic rules of what was expected.  Most of the 'rules' are not an issue but there are a couple where...we are still going back and forth.  

I also think over the summer, since youngestson and I were not on our typical schedule, the rules got relaxed and now that we are getting ready to get back on track, there's some push-back.  

I'm sure she liked it during summer...having the entire room to herself but she knew that coming to live with us meant that she had to share.  Besides, like DH said "whatever we give her will be 100x's better than what my sister can give her."  In other words, she didn't even have a room with her mom and here, at least, she gets a room, even if during the day, she has to share.  (she's at school during the day so it's really not an issue and yet, I get the feeling that she has become 'territorial' with youngestson's school room so I think we will have to address that eventually)