Author Topic: Would you consider this status rude?  (Read 4598 times)

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shhh its me

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #15 on: August 07, 2010, 03:19:07 PM »
  She's a teenager posting how annoying her surrogate parents are being.  Virtually all 19 year olds are annoyed with their parents if they have FB it's likely they have posted it.  The basic complaint " I hate the movie their watching" is mild enough that only another teenager would sympathize. Yes it's a bit whinny and ungrateful at some time in the future you might want to remind her how public FB is,maybe point out an article/discuss about how someone was fired a friendship broke up ect.   

June24

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #16 on: August 07, 2010, 03:42:27 PM »
It's rude but I wouldn't address it. Unless she learns to communicate with you using actual words instead of posting PA comments on facebook, she's not going to get a response from you.

Danismom

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #17 on: August 08, 2010, 09:23:43 AM »
Out of curiosity, was she in the room last school year when YS was using it as a home school classroom?  I'm wondering if she heard what you said before she moved in but hasn't seen it in action and therefore doesn't really understand yet what you meant.  If possible, I would find a way to label YS's school items that are not to be moved around (a simple orange label dot or something similar).  Then she knows what can be rearranged and what is "do not touch".  I'm reaching somewhat here.  It sounds like typical space sharing issues that have to be negotiated and worked out.  As for her FB status, I would just let it go. 

Goodnight Kiwi

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #18 on: August 09, 2010, 10:27:15 AM »
While I understand the feeling behind the update, I find the way Niece has phrased the update quite rude - in particular, the use of the word "they".  It makes it sound very dismissive.  Had she said "My family" or "Roe and Roekids" or anything that made an effort to humanise Roe and the rest of her family, I probably wouldn't take as much issue with it.  But, because of the word "they", I'd think the status was rude even if it were Roe's son doing the updating.

That said, it may just be clumsy drafting, rather than malicious!

Shoo

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #19 on: August 09, 2010, 10:36:35 AM »
While I understand the feeling behind the update, I find the way Niece has phrased the update quite rude - in particular, the use of the word "they".  It makes it sound very dismissive.  Had she said "My family" or "Roe and Roekids" or anything that made an effort to humanise Roe and the rest of her family, I probably wouldn't take as much issue with it.  But, because of the word "they", I'd think the status was rude even if it were Roe's son doing the updating.

That said, it may just be clumsy drafting, rather than malicious!

The word "they" is what I find the most bothersome about it, too. 

high dudgeon

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #20 on: August 09, 2010, 11:37:04 AM »
Why not just post, "Well next time, say something about it, you silly girl! :)"

USC_Gamecock

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #21 on: August 09, 2010, 12:22:29 PM »
I do think the status is probably in poor taste, but I don't think this necessarily needs to be addressed.  She was irritated and letting off a little steam on Facebook.  Not the most mature/thoughtful/effective response, but that's what she did.  I think that even under the best of circumstances, adults living together for ten months are going to have friction.  She probably didn't come to you about it because she recognizes that you were not doing anything wrong.  You were just watching a movie.  It happened to annoy her on a bad morning and she vented.  If she is otherwise pleasant and isn't giving you any indication that she is unhappy living with you, I would let it go.  

This.  I'm a big fan of letting sleeping dogs die.  Until I need to wake them up with a blast of Harry Potter  :)

Goodnight Kiwi

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #22 on: August 10, 2010, 05:41:08 AM »
While I understand the feeling behind the update, I find the way Niece has phrased the update quite rude - in particular, the use of the word "they".  It makes it sound very dismissive.  Had she said "My family" or "Roe and Roekids" or anything that made an effort to humanise Roe and the rest of her family, I probably wouldn't take as much issue with it.  But, because of the word "they", I'd think the status was rude even if it were Roe's son doing the updating.

That said, it may just be clumsy drafting, rather than malicious!

The word "they" is what I find the most bothersome about it, too. 

Having thought about it a little more, using the word "they" also makes it sound like it is part of a series of complaints about Roe and her family - like everyone should know who Niece is talking about, because she's talked about them before in the same manner.  I know Roe is friends with Niece on Facebook, and can therefore see all her status updates, but I'd be concerned about what else Niece is saying off Facebook.

jais

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #23 on: August 10, 2010, 05:45:46 AM »
I vote not rude. It's Facebook.  Her way of venting and forgive me, but you're taking it too personally.

ettiquit

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #24 on: August 10, 2010, 10:42:04 AM »
I'd be ticked if a member of my family complained about me on FB.  I get that people use FB to vent, but doing so when you know the person you're venting about will see it is obnoxious.  Honestly, I'd probably say something like "Hey, next time just ask us to turn down our movie if it's bugging you, ok?".

Roe

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #25 on: August 11, 2010, 09:50:23 AM »
I'd be ticked if a member of my family complained about me on FB.  I get that people use FB to vent, but doing so when you know the person you're venting about will see it is obnoxious.   Honestly, I'd probably say something like "Hey, next time just ask us to turn down our movie if it's bugging you, ok?".

I did think it was pretty passive aggressive.  Funny though, the next night she watched the 2nd HP movie with us and had control of the volume.  Yes, it was still loud!  lol.

Bolded: Yeah, she doesn't typically doesn't use FB to vent.  She uses it as "here at the beach" or "test day"...things like that so it did catch me off-guard.  I get that people use FB to vent and now I know why FB has so many posts on eHell...venting and etiquette don't usually go hand in hand.  Ha! :D

miranova

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #26 on: August 11, 2010, 07:50:21 PM »
I vote not rude. It's Facebook.  Her way of venting and forgive me, but you're taking it too personally.

I totally disagree.   Facebook is not a vacuum in which rudeness is impossible.   Everybody needs to vent.  Mature adults vent to people they know they can trust not to blab and repeat things.  If all you need is to vent, you do it out of earshot of the person you are venting about.  If you want the person to change their behavior, you talk to them.  You do not "vent" where they can hear in hopes that they will change.  It's rude and passive aggressive.

I give a slight pass because niece is still young and learning and is family.

And honestly I don't think the OP is taking anything too personally.  She didn't get angry, cry, or punish niece.  She simply asked if niece was rude.  That is not an overreaction, it is an honest question for this board. 

My opinion is that it is technically rude, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it and would probably make it a joke.  I love the pp suggestion of commenting something about just asking you to turn it down next time!

ettiquit

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #27 on: August 11, 2010, 10:26:31 PM »
I vote not rude. It's Facebook.  Her way of venting and forgive me, but you're taking it too personally.

I totally disagree.   Facebook is not a vacuum in which rudeness is impossible.   Everybody needs to vent.  Mature adults vent to people they know they can trust not to blab and repeat things.  If all you need is to vent, you do it out of earshot of the person you are venting about.  If you want the person to change their behavior, you talk to them.  You do not "vent" where they can hear in hopes that they will change.  It's rude and passive aggressive.

I give a slight pass because niece is still young and learning and is family.

And honestly I don't think the OP is taking anything too personally.  She didn't get angry, cry, or punish niece.  She simply asked if niece was rude.  That is not an overreaction, it is an honest question for this board. 

My opinion is that it is technically rude, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it and would probably make it a joke.  I love the pp suggestion of commenting something about just asking you to turn it down next time!

In another thread about FB, people likened posting info about a funeral in a FB "event" was similar to an obit in a newspaper.  With that logic, everything we post on FB is basically being broadcasted to the public at large.  So I agree with you, it's not an appropriate venue for venting.


JoieGirl7

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #28 on: August 12, 2010, 02:08:35 AM »
I also don't read it as having anything to do with the OP.
 
Yeah, its a bit snobbish but teens are snobbish about the "childish" things they are supposedly leaving behind as they get older.

I think you are reading way too much into it and as far as passive aggressive goes, I doubt your teenage niece is even thinking of communicating with you when she posts on Facebook.

If she posts something like that that bothers you, the thing to do is "like" it.  That let's her know that you saw it.
 
And it's funny!

Roe

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Re: Would you consider this status rude?
« Reply #29 on: August 12, 2010, 09:15:33 AM »
Yeah, its a bit snobbish but teens are snobbish about the "childish" things they are supposedly leaving behind as they get older.

Just as an FYI and not that it makes a difference but niece is 19, soon to be 20 so I really don't think of her as a 'teen.'  She often acts like an immature teen so I suppose I should start treating her more like a regular teen but, in my mind, she's as much an adult as my oldestson who attends university.  Niece is attending vocational school, not high school. 

Oh and for the record, she's a huge HP fan so I know for a fact, she doesn't view HP as "childish" nor is she "leaving it behind."  And also FTR, I love HP and I'm late 30's!  ;D