Author Topic: Was this reply too forward?  (Read 5756 times)

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Danismom

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #15 on: August 09, 2010, 03:08:53 PM »
I personally think it might have been wiser to mention only Sunday or at most either Friday or Saturday night plus Sunday (but not both "date nights").  I don't think you were too forward overall.  I suggest holding back a little more next time you talk though to kind of balance things out.

Red1979

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #16 on: August 09, 2010, 03:13:19 PM »
Maybe this is all a regional thing, but seriously no one in my circles or area would blink at the date and times you suggested for coffee.  Maybe because it's metro NYC and people tend to be out late and do things?  They'd just think that's when you had time and go from there.  Maybe it's the fast paced and the fact that you fit in meetings and outings whenever you can. 

And I wouldn't take the advice to "hold back" next time you talk.  Be yourself and be polite.  Someone who likes you isn't going to care that you gave him the actual times you were free instead of overthinking it and worrying about the appearance of your free time rather than the facts.  Frankly, I'd put doing the latter into a playing games category which would be a huge turnoff for me and most likely a dealbreaker.

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Deetee

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #17 on: August 09, 2010, 03:19:30 PM »
If this was the first post from you, I'd be like "Nope, not too forward, just geting the information out there" but I recall your previous posts on dating and I think you are right to second guess yourself. You are rightfully aware  that you do tend to come across as over eager (I do recall one thread where you had a verbal arrangement, followed it up with a facebook message, a wall post and phone calls (including one from a pay phone three blocks away in case he was blocking your number))

So in your case, when in doubt, back off.

Hi,

It would be great to see you again. Coffee would be nice. I'm free on Sunday afternoon.

whiterose

whiterose

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #18 on: August 09, 2010, 03:59:43 PM »
Well, the good news is, he did reply with the times he was available. So hopefully that means I was not too forward and it did not scare him off. Due to his work hours, it was for the better that I stated mine.

Haven't replied- cannot reply from work, only see what he wrote thanks to its arriving to my regular email.

I do not want to scare him off. I have not been this excited about a first date since early last year. 
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Surianne

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #19 on: August 09, 2010, 07:41:12 PM »
Well, the good news is, he did reply with the times he was available. So hopefully that means I was not too forward and it did not scare him off. Due to his work hours, it was for the better that I stated mine.

Haven't replied- cannot reply from work, only see what he wrote thanks to its arriving to my regular email.

I do not want to scare him off. I have not been this excited about a first date since early last year. 

Great news!  I hope it goes well for you.

I too have noticed that you've seemed eager in the past when talking about dating/marriage (not necessarily when talking to guys), but I think you're handling it quite well right now  :)  And I agree very much with Red's post here:

Maybe this is all a regional thing, but seriously no one in my circles or area would blink at the date and times you suggested for coffee.  Maybe because it's metro NYC and people tend to be out late and do things?  They'd just think that's when you had time and go from there.  Maybe it's the fast paced and the fact that you fit in meetings and outings whenever you can. 

And I wouldn't take the advice to "hold back" next time you talk.  Be yourself and be polite.  Someone who likes you isn't going to care that you gave him the actual times you were free instead of overthinking it and worrying about the appearance of your free time rather than the facts.  Frankly, I'd put doing the latter into a playing games category which would be a huge turnoff for me and most likely a dealbreaker.

If the guy likes you, I hope he'd think "Great, she's flexible this weekend, I look forward to meeting her!" rather than "Hmm, she's free a little TOO often for my liking..."  You know?

Brentwood

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #20 on: August 09, 2010, 07:59:59 PM »
Agreed about dinner date. You may not have been angling for it, but if he's asking about having coffee, I would not think to schedule a coffee for after 7 on a Friday or Saturday night. Plus I think suggesting coffee is trying to avoid scheduling a get-together during those time.

Interesting how that differs...to me evenings after supper are the perfect time for tea/coffee, so this wouldn't have struck me as strange at all!

It wouldn't strike me as strange either.

whiterose

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #21 on: August 09, 2010, 09:22:43 PM »
I am not good at playing games and it would totally turn me off if someone was playing games or was expecting me to play "hard to get".

And I am glad that people have noticed that I am handling it better now.

In retrospect, anyone I may have scared off, I have realized that they were wrong for me anyway regardless.
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Danismom

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #22 on: August 09, 2010, 10:43:39 PM »
Just to clarify, I wasn't meaning play hard to get or anything of the sort.  I simply meant that it might be wise to be a little more selective in how "out there" you are.  There's a difference between playing games/hard to get and offering someone your entire life on the first meet.  The list of availability sounded more to me like "oh, I have to work some but WHENEVER I'm free, I'm available to you".  I don't think that is a wise dynamic to set up in any burgeoning relationship.

Miss Understood

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #23 on: August 09, 2010, 11:14:03 PM »
Just to clarify, I wasn't meaning play hard to get or anything of the sort.  I simply meant that it might be wise to be a little more selective in how "out there" you are.  There's a difference between playing games/hard to get and offering someone your entire life on the first meet.  The list of availability sounded more to me like "oh, I have to work some but WHENEVER I'm free, I'm available to you".  I don't think that is a wise dynamic to set up in any burgeoning rel@tionship.

That was where my response was coming from too, but I have to admit that whiterose's former threads influenced my impression of this one.  I should have just taken it at face value for this individual situation, and whiterose, I apologize if my response caused you any unnecessary anxiety.

I am very happy that things turned out well and hope that you have a wonderful time on your date!

Jolie_kitten

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #24 on: August 10, 2010, 04:09:02 AM »
Agreed about dinner date. You may not have been angling for it, but if he's asking about having coffee, I would not think to schedule a coffee for after 7 on a Friday or Saturday night. Plus I think suggesting coffee is trying to avoid scheduling a get-together during those time.

Interesting how that differs...to me evenings after supper are the perfect time for tea/coffee, so this wouldn't have struck me as strange at all!
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Alex the Seal

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #25 on: August 10, 2010, 07:43:50 AM »
Maybe this is all a regional thing, but seriously no one in my circles or area would blink at the date and times you suggested for coffee.  Maybe because it's metro NYC and people tend to be out late and do things?  They'd just think that's when you had time and go from there.  Maybe it's the fast paced and the fact that you fit in meetings and outings whenever you can. 

And I wouldn't take the advice to "hold back" next time you talk.  Be yourself and be polite.  Someone who likes you isn't going to care that you gave him the actual times you were free instead of overthinking it and worrying about the appearance of your free time rather than the facts.  Frankly, I'd put doing the latter into a playing games category which would be a huge turnoff for me and most likely a dealbreaker.



I agree (although I'm not from NYC... I wish!).

I actually take a very similar approach to event planning, with anyone. It just makes sense for someone to lay their availability on the table, and the other person to see what matches. It's efficient, that's all :)

Ms Aspasia

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #26 on: August 13, 2010, 02:48:20 AM »
I wouldn't see it as angling for a dinner invitation, but I wouldn't have mentioned that I had nothing social planned for basically the entire weekend.  That does make you sound a little over-eager.  I probably would have just suggested Sunday afternoon and left it up to him to suggest an alternative if that didn't work for him.
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whiterose

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #27 on: August 13, 2010, 09:51:34 AM »
Well, we are going to dinner at a cafe tomorrow. His idea- not mine- based on our schedules for the week.

He seems like a sweetheart so far. He even offered me his number first!

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Surianne

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #28 on: August 13, 2010, 09:52:31 AM »
Great, I hope it goes well for you!

Alex the Seal

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Re: Was this reply too forward?
« Reply #29 on: August 14, 2010, 05:19:12 AM »
Hope you have a great time, Whiterose  :)