Reciprocity in conversations

[Larrabee]

When I tried online d@ting, I usually didn't respond if I they gave me nothing with which to work, especially when they contacted me first.

But I'll probably be single for a very long time to come so maybe I should be handing out advice.

 

Me too, but hey, better single than with the wrong person right? 

[Alex the Seal]

When I tried online d@ting, I usually didn't respond if I they gave me nothing with which to work, especially when they contacted me first.

But I'll probably be single for a very long time to come so maybe I should be handing out advice.

 

Me too, but hey, better single than with the wrong person right?  

Me three, and I think you're exactly right, Larrabee  

As for the thread topic, initial lack of conversation wouldn't bother me, there can be good reasons for that and I'd go with the rest of my instincts about giving them a chance in person. My first ever conversation with my ex was about the weather and the fact that yes, at 10pm, it was dark outside   Both at my house and his. Who'd ever have thought?  

I guess at that stage I'd care more about conversational style than substance (that sounds terrible, I assure you it's not!) - text speak is out (I don't care about the odd "u", but if every word is like that, we're unlikely to have matching expectations on much at all... might sound superficial but I've found it's really quite telling), and so is anyone who comes across like they're interviewing me and checking off boxes  

[Hanna]

When I tried online d@ting, I usually didn't respond if I they gave me nothing with which to work, especially when they contacted me first.

But I'll probably be single for a very long time to come so maybe I should be handing out advice.

 

Me too, but hey, better single than with the wrong person right? 

Absolutely!  Every time I try to adjust my expectations I end up disappointed!

[Larrabee]

When I tried online d@ting, I usually didn't respond if I they gave me nothing with which to work, especially when they contacted me first.

But I'll probably be single for a very long time to come so maybe I should be handing out advice.

 

Me too, but hey, better single than with the wrong person right?  

Me three, and I think you're exactly right, Larrabee  

As for the thread topic, initial lack of conversation wouldn't bother me, there can be good reasons for that and I'd go with the rest of my instincts about giving them a chance in person. My first ever conversation with my ex was about the weather and the fact that yes, at 10pm, it was dark outside   Both at my house and his. Who'd ever have thought?  

I guess at that stage I'd care more about conversational style than substance (that sounds terrible, I assure you it's not!) - text speak is out (I don't care about the odd "u", but if every word is like that, we're unlikely to have matching expectations on much at all... might sound superficial but I've found it's really quite telling), and so is anyone who comes across like they're interviewing me and checking off boxes  

I think that sounds like a great first conversation!  Its just the sort of thing I would like too. 

[bellawitch]

I'd say pass.

My ex had some friends that did this internet dating thing, only because they figured it was cheaper than a bar. The had one goal in mind. I don't want to sound judgmental , because I love a good drink myself, but I don't know if the drink in your profile picture is the best of ideas, It may give a wrong impression.

It sounds like he is fishing. But for you there are better fish in the sea.

[Raintree]

I wrote back: "Sadly, I had to share it. And it only had a couple of shots of tequila in it. But there have been other margaritas, since, so the margarita drinking has been just fine. 

So, what's your story? Your profile doesn't give much away."

He responded: "Not to much-I'm in the Navy stationed here in <City>-ummm"

Aghh...next!! If you have to draw it out of him, never mind!! Your response to his margarita comment was short and sweet, but a perfect opening for more conversation. You gave him plenty to work with. For example:

"Too bad you had to share your margarita. And an already weak margarita. The best margaritas I've had are at this Mexican restaurant on the corner near where I live. Every Monday they have half price margaritas and last time I was in there, the waiter (insert funny story). So here I am, stationed in (city). It's not a bad town, although I miss the (some feature) in my home city of (somewhere) where I grew up. I'm looking forward to going back there in the fall, when I'm on leave. When I'm home I like to.....but we are pretty busy here. Every morning we have to (something). So what about yourself? (Insert a few questions based on your profile or what you like to do)" Etc.

You know what I mean. Then it builds and grows.

But everyone has always said I write good letters. It's what I like to do. I take a few anecdotes and run with it, till there's a proper rapport going.

[hot_shaker]

I hope this doesn't come across wrong but, in general, don't men tend to be less expressive than women?  Courtney's profile and some of the suggested responses that the guy could have given, strike me as very female. 

Just because he's not great at emails with a stranger doesn't mean that he doesn't know how to converse.  Based on his response, I would say that he's just not good with opening up.  Honestly, "So, what's your story? Your profile doesn't give much away." isn't a great leading question.  I could see myself having a very hard time answering that.  It's like when an interviewee says "Tell me about yourself".  I freeze up every time.  But start asking me direct questions, I will talk your ear off.

I wouldn't write him off just yet.  Perhaps if you try asking more direct questions you can get a feel for his personality? (How long have you lived/been stationed in the area?  How long have you been in the Navy?  What made you join the Navy?  What was the last concert you went to?  What's your greatest fishing story?)  You could even mention that he seems a little shy, in a gentle/teasing manner ("My, you're a man of few words, I see.").

I am a huge believer in being selective but this wouldn't be a reason for me to move on (not yet anyway).  If you two ended up going out and he just sat across from you silently, well, yes, move on.

[Raintree]

I hope this doesn't come across wrong but, in general, don't men tend to be less expressive than women?  Courtney's profile and some of the suggested responses that the guy could have given, strike me as very female.

Well I've had a good number of email/PM exchanges with guys (often former classmates that I haven't seen in 30 years and didn't talk to back then either, so virtual strangers) that took off that way, where they were plenty expressive, interested, and engaging. So I know there are guys who can do it.