Author Topic: christmas help!  (Read 2858 times)

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goldilocks

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christmas help!
« on: August 09, 2010, 05:30:02 PM »
when my child was born (she's now 18), I decided to not do Santa Claus.  I never told her there was one, and she never believed.  Somehow we managed through the early years without her telling other children.

Now, this isn't a religious thing, it was just my decision and I have a number of reasons for it.

For some reason, when people hear this, they feel free to say things like 'How horrible!", and other comments.  Now, I wouldn't dream of criticizing someone for doing Santa, so why are they free to critize me for not doing it?

The most recent problem with this is my son-in-law (married to my stepdaughter).  They have chosen to do Santa, and I would not dream of spoiling it for their kids.  But he feels free to point out his criticism of my choice, and he's driving me crazy.    He's a bit of a know-it-all anyway.

Any suggestions?

Squeaks

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2010, 05:42:16 PM »
Blow them off.

My mother was the same way,  I am no worse off for it. You would be amazed at how many people do not believe me when i say I never believed. They always say "of course you did you were just too little to remember" no my mother never said there  was  Santa so no i never believed.

She said she wanted to raise me to be grateful to (and thank) the actual giver rather than a fictitious thing. 

Can you be more specific about why they feel it is horrible or what they say, it might help to direct responses.  I would focus on what good you did, the traditions you created/did, focus on your daughter not having been deprived.

For SSIL  I would confront him on it when the child is not in the room.  Say you feel you gave your child 18 wonderful childhood Christmas's and do not appreciate him implying otherwise. 

MovieLover

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2010, 05:47:22 PM »
"Thanks for your concern but I'm all set on this issue and I really do not need any input or comments regarding my personal choices."  It's not rude to tell bores to back off and that you have no interest in hearing their comments when they have not been asked for.  It's not rude to stick up for yourself and the choices you've made.

People that make such strong remarks like "How horrible" deserve what they get.  If they persist in being bores they run the risk of being made to own their words and getting shut down.  Maybe eventually they will catch on that they only make themselves sound gauche and ignorant to others when they make such comments.

wheeitsme

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2010, 05:49:13 PM »
I'd probably tell him (very firmly) something to the effect of:

"I expect you to respect my parenting choices in the same spirit that I respect yours.  I would appreciate it if you didn't bring this up again."


Lexophile

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2010, 05:49:50 PM »
"I understand that you disagree with my personal decision to not practice this tradition. Now, can we please move on to another topic?"

What does he expect you to do, unmake the past?

Or, if you don't want to dignify his harrassment with a reply:

"I see. Bean dip?"

This would get on my nerves too.
"Submission to what people call their 'lot' is simply ignoble. If your lot makes you cry and be wretched, get rid of it and take another." - Elizabeth von Arnim

bah12

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2010, 05:50:08 PM »
Why is it coming up at all?  If your child is essentially an adult, then there would be no need to tell people that she never believed in Santa.

If, for some reason, you are mentioning it when people say that they are teaching their kids about Santa, or even as an "off the cuff" comment whenever the discussion of Christmas, comes up, then I would say the best way to avoid the comments is to not say anything at all.

Is it coming up because people are specifically asking you what you taught your child about Santa?

For your SIL and for anyone who chooses to say something to you about it (which is rude), just say "I respect your parenting choices, please respect mine.  I don't want to talk about this further."

Danismom

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2010, 05:50:33 PM »
  Please stop trying to argue about my parenting decisions.  I can respect and abide by your parenting decision with your child.  I am not trying to change your mind.
ETA, I really like this too...
I'd probably tell him (very firmly) something to the effect of:

"I expect you to respect my parenting choices in the same spirit that I respect yours.  I would appreciate it if you didn't bring this up again."



high dudgeon

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2010, 05:54:53 PM »
"I respect your parenting decisions, and now it's time you started respecting mine. There is no need to bring up this topic again, so please do not do so again."

Evil Duckie

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #8 on: August 09, 2010, 06:28:24 PM »
I can't see why it is still being discussed you DD is 18yo. Why should anyone care if you did Santa or not at this point it is ancient history.

We did Santa but we know many people who didn't. That is a personal choice for each family.

When they bring this up I would tell them, "Thank you for your concern but this ancient history is not up for discussion now and never was."

jpcher

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #9 on: August 09, 2010, 07:03:04 PM »
YOU DIDN'T TAKE YOUR KIDS TO DISNEY WORLD??????

What kind of parents are you?

That was absolutely the best experience I had when I was growing up! Oh, your poor kids! The trip to Disney World is a passage of life! Everybody does it for their kids!

Some people are just oblivious about their rudeness when their own growing-up experiences differ greatly from others.

Oy. ::)

I'd probably tell him (very firmly) something to the effect of:

"I expect you to respect my parenting choices in the same spirit that I respect yours.  I would appreciate it if you didn't bring this up again."


POD! to this and the other PPers suggestions (same thing, different wording.)


In other words, make your statement then blow it off with a talk-to-the-hand gesture and an eye roll if it ever gets brought up again. Bean-dip anyone?




But I do think that a statement should be made . . . once is enough.

hobish

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2010, 07:18:17 PM »
"I respect your parenting decisions, and now it's time you started respecting mine. There is no need to bring up this topic again, so please do not do so again."

...and then threaten to tell if he doesn't leave it alone.  >:D

"Sorry, but you could not respect my decisions; i didn't know you expected respect in return.

No, Virginia, there is no such thing as Sata Clause."

Ok, not that ... but i do like the top bit.

It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can.
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gramma dishes

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2010, 07:32:41 PM »
"Why are you even bringing this up?   ???  It doesn't involve your wife or you in any way and I have made clear my willingness to go along with the Santa thing for YOUR children.  I'm not criticizing you for doing what you want to do, so there is no point in discussing this further.  Please don't bring up the subject again, as neither of us have any need to defend our own decisions about this subject."

goldilocks

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #12 on: August 09, 2010, 08:15:19 PM »
I didn't take DD to disney world either.  I've never been.  I'm going to Sept as part of a family trip, and I'd almost rather do anything else! 

Anyway, it comes up because everyone knows and I don't try to hide it.   

Also, for those of you that do Santa, at what age or situation do you stop?  I've seen many of my friends buy toys that they weren't intending to get because the kids asked Santa for it, and "if I don't get it he'll know there is no SAnta".

My nephew is currently putting my sister through this.  He wants a trampoline, which she has told him he is not getting for christmas.  So he says, I'll just ask Santa.  Knowing my nephew, I think he knows what he is doing by saying that.  In my opinion, it's time for my sister to sit him down and tell him.

gramma dishes

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #13 on: August 09, 2010, 08:28:53 PM »
  He wants a trampoline, which she has told him he is not getting for christmas.  So he says, I'll just ask Santa.  Knowing my nephew, I think he knows what he is doing by saying that. 

If she's not ready to talk to him about Santa, she can always go with "Well, of course you can ask Santa for the trampoline, but Santa doesn't bring toys that children can get hurt on, even if they ask for one.  He loves them way too much to do that!"

MommyPenguin

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Re: christmas help!
« Reply #14 on: August 09, 2010, 08:35:45 PM »
We chose not to tell our kids about Santa as well.  I'm glad to hear that it worked out for you!  Our oldest is 3, and she does know about Santa, but she thinks of him as a pretend story, just like mermaids and dragons.  Fun to talk about or make up stories about, but not real.  We also try to limit how much we talk about him around Christmas, because we don't want Santa to be the focus of Christmas.  I remember being somewhat traumatized when I still believed in Santa as a kid, and a friend taunted me, "You don't *still* believe in Santa, do you?"  I was a gullible kid!

I'm wondering, with some of the PPs, how it comes up?  I get what you're saying, that everybody knows, so it comes up.  But is he bringing it up from time to time just to tell you how wrong you were?  Like without it even being the conversation, just spontaneously?  Or is it coming up as a lead-off from other conversations that maybe could be avoided with him?  And can you give us some samples of what he says?

I'd probably go with what the other PPs basically said, to tell him that his questioning of your parenting choices is unnecessary, that DD obviously turned out fine, etc.  Unless you particularly like him and *want* to (and it doesn't sound like you do), I wouldn't go into your reasoning.  It probably won't change his mind if he's a know-it-all as you say.