Author Topic: S/O Not enough to go around - when you give someone else your unwanted portion  (Read 2414 times)

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JustEstelle

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The other thread made me think of this incident.

My DH and I used to attend a church that had dinner before the weekly Wednesday evening services.  For a small fee (around $3), you got a serving of entree, whatever sides/veggies/salad, drink, and dessert.  Overall, it was a pretty good deal and the food was usually quite good.

On the evening in question, the entree was dark meat chicken portions, which I just do not care for.  I gave my serving of chicken to my DH and just ate the sides and dessert.  Another couple in the same situation as DH and I did likewise.  Someone showed up after all of the food had been served and found there was no more chicken; however, she saw my DH with two pieces and complained to the pastor, who in turn, publicly chastised my DH and anyone else who had "taken seconds before everyone had had firsts."  Technically, my DH didn't take a second piece.  I had taken a piece and, upon discovering that it was not something I could eat, I gave it to him rather than throw food away.  I doubt that it would have been appropriate for me to put my piece back into the common serving dish once it had been on my plate.

So, my question is - who was rude?  Me for not eating my piece of chicken and giving it to my DH?  The late-comer who made the assumption?  The pastor for the public chastisement?

This incident happened many years ago, and it has always bothered me.  We stopped attending that church shortly after this incident and the pastor's subsequent actions toward us, which could be another thread in itself.   :-[
« Last Edit: August 09, 2010, 08:48:53 PM by JustEstelle »

blarg314

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In this case, you *bought* the chicken. If it were a hosted event, it would be polite to pass on the chicken and take the sides and dessert, rather than grabbing the meat and passing it to your husband.  But because you bought it, you were fine to pass it on.

And if you show up late for a dinner, and there's nothing left, then it's your own fault.

whiterose

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Once I was at a banquet that was part of a convention. All they served was chicken. I am vegetarian- so I ate just the salad, side dishes, and dessert. Two guys sitting at my table split my chicken portion after I offered it. To me, this seems the right thing to do in every possible aspect- etiquette, economy, ecology, concern for others, and so on.
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KimberlyRose

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The pastor was way out of line.  If he wanted to say anything, he should have asked your DH about the second slice, at which point your DH could have given him a brief explanation.  I don't think the other couple was all that rude, as it's understandable that they'd be disappointed about not getting an entree (and we've all seen those people who take more than their share at potlucks).  I'm not saying it was the best way for them to react, though.

KenveeB

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If you knew in advance you wouldn't eat it, then I would say not to pick it up.  But it sounds like you didn't realize it was dark meat until you already had it.  In that case, you're not going to put it back on the plate!  I think offering it to someone who can eat it is fine.  I think that in any case, the pastor (!) was rude to publicly chastise people.

Shoo

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Did either of you clear up the mistaken assumption right then and there? I would have!!!

artk2002

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If the latecomer arrived after everyone (who was there on time) got "firsts," then they had no right to complain about anyone having "seconds" before they got their "firsts."  Was everyone supposed to wait on "seconds" in the off chance that someone might come later?  The pastor magnified the offense, using his position of authority to chastise people who deserved no chastisement.

You did absolutely nothing wrong.  The latecomer and the pastor were the rude ones here.
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JustEstelle

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I forgot to say this in my OP:  the late-comer was the pastor's WIFE.  

And, in answer to the question of whether we cleared this up as soon as possible, we tried to.  Didn't make any difference.  Pastor wouldn't back down on his position.  Personally, it felt to me that I wasn't welcome to come back.  I paid for my meal.  If I'd eaten my portion of chicken as I originally intended, there still wouldn't have been enough food.

If I'd been the late-comer (pastor's wife). I think I would have just quietly gone and fixed myself a PB&J.  She was a tad on the snowflakey side.   :-\
« Last Edit: August 09, 2010, 10:41:13 PM by JustEstelle »

kherbert05

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You and your DH paid for a specific amount of food. You didn't like part and gave it to him. You had paid for it it was yours to do with what you wanted. You did nothing wrong. The pastor could have quietly clarified the situation, he made the choice to be rude instead.

I would like to hear the other stories.
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Carnation

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Unless you served yourselves, who did he think gave your husband the extra piece? :-\


JustEstelle

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Unless you served yourselves, who did he think gave your husband the extra piece? :-\



It was self-serve, buffet-style, so he thought DH had taken two pieces.

kudeebee

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Even if you knew you weren't going to eat the meat--or side/salad/dessert, etc--you PAID for it, so you have the right to take it and do with it as you wish.

I would have stated in a loud, clear voice "Excuse me, dh did not take seconds, he is eating the rest of my piece that I gave him."

JustEstelle

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Even if you knew you weren't going to eat the meat--or side/salad/dessert, etc--you PAID for it, so you have the right to take it and do with it as you wish.

I would have stated in a loud, clear voice "Excuse me, dh did not take seconds, he is eating the rest of my piece that I gave him."

If the chastisement had occurred during the meal, I would have.  Unfortunately, it was after the meal had finished and at the beginning of the religious service that followed.  Hindsight tells me that I probably should have spoken up anyway, but DH and I were just shocked into silence by it all.   :-\  However, I did send the pastor an e-mail the next day, explaining what had happened.  Didn't do any good, as the pastor still saw it as DH taking more than his share (even if I'd given him mine) and not leaving anything for the late-comer.

Eisa

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^It would be tempting to then ask, "Oh, so she would have wanted a piece of chicken that both I and my DH touched? Covered in Deity-knows-what kind of germs? Fine then, next time she can have the germ-laden piece of chicken that I paid for. You're welcome. :P "
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