My oldest friend and I have lost touch over the years. No hard feelings or anything, just going off to college, having kids, moving around, things like that. We get in touch once in a while, hang out for a day, and then a few months later get back together again.
The last time I saw her, I was in my first trimester of my second pregnancy and was grumpy and exhausted, both from the pregnancy and from a nine-month-old who suddenly decided she didn't feel like sleeping at night anymore. She brought her somewhat unruly son, and while I think I was justified in being put out with her over her (lack of) parenting while they were here, I also think I could have been a kinder friend to her while she was going through a very rough time. I wasn't angry with her while she was there or anything, but I knew she had some things going on in her life, and I didn't call her after that to offer support. I think I really dropped the ball. I spent most of those days on the couch, half asleep, so it wasn't that I was holding a grudge. But she's a perceptive person, and I think it's possible she picked up on my irritation. That plus the lack of contact may have sent her a message that I just didn't care.
When I feel guilty about something like this, I tend to avoid the problem, and as time wears on I feel more guilty, and then I avoid more, and so the cycle goes. I finally called her a few weeks ago. No answer, so I left a message, just to say hi and to ask if she wanted to talk or hang out sometime soon. A week or two after that, I sent her a message on Facebook. Still no answer.
In the past, it's often taken a few tries by either of us before the other calls back, but given my Bad Friend behavior the last time, I'm paranoid that it might mean more. If she just doesn't want to hear from me anymore, I want to respect that. But if she's till depressed and having a bad time and can't work up the will to do much of anything, I don't want to misinterpret the lack of contact.
Is this enough to say she just doesn't want contact anymore, or should I try once or twice more?