Snoring

[mich3554]

I snore, my b/f talks in his sleep (a LOT).  He snores as well.

According to him, he can get me to stop snoring by nudging me over onto my side, so I guess he's figured it out.  I just need to figure out how to deal with his nocturnal conversations because his snoring doesn't bug me as much as his talking.

[bopper]

I have to say I get a bit annoyed when the other person is making it such that I can't sleep.

My husband has sleep apnea and has a CPAP.   Somehow it is my task to make sure we bring it on vacation/camping.  Sometimes he gets the leg twitchies...  He is also diabetic...so sometimes his insulin pump buzzes or makes noises (alerts)....I get annoyed when I can't go to sleep because of those things.  I am the one who ends up leaving (on occasion) but I don't think it is fair.

[Just Lori]

Have you been in my bedroom?

My husband tends to snore if he's been drinking a lot of beer.  On evenings that he's drinking more than a couple of beers, he'll camp out in the guest rooms.  Otherwise, if his snoring is keeping me awake, I move to the guest room.  We have two twin beds in the guest room, and the dog will usually find me and stretch out on the other bed.  I say she's having a sleepover.

[NOVA Lady]

DH snores at times. He is the one who moves as I am unable to sleep on a couch (I can sleep only in a bed, not a tent/couch/sleeping bag/floor/etc). I know he can't help it but I sort of feel resentful anyhow, as missing sleep effects me very negatively and will ruin the next day for me.

[TylerBelle]

This subject was discussed in (I think) Dear Abby's column one time. One woman's response has always stuck with me. I don't remember exactly how it was said, but the gist was she found comfort in her husband's snoring. It was reassuring that he was there beside her and not out with someone else, nor out stranded, possibly hurt in an accident or so forth.

Oh and yeah, I'm a snorer. As I've been told by friends, family, and even myself for my own snoring has woken me up on occasion .

[kingsrings]

I think the impetus is on the snorer to do something about it if it's bothering the other person. There are many medical avenues to try to solve the snoring problem. My cousin's marriage broke up for various reasons, but one of the main ones was that she and her hubby weren't able to sleep in the same bed because of his snoring/thrashing during the night. She tried everything she could to put up with it to no avail. Sadly, he wasn't willing to do anything about it and just said it was her problem.

[Elfmama]

A snoring husband is the closest I've ever come to homicide.  And you don't beat him to death with his slippers -- you smother him with a pillow.

I had to finally move into another room altogether after sharing a bed for 35 years.  DH not only snores, he kicks.  I'm fairly sure that he has sleep apnea, as the sequence goes like this:

DH goes to sleep.  It takes longer for me to fall asleep, so I am still no more than drowsy.

He begins to snore very softly.  I am about half asleep at this point.

Over the next 5 to 7 minutes (I've timed it) the snoring gets louder and louder, and it begins to sound like he's being strangled.

He stops breathing altogether for about 10 seconds, then he snorts and kicks.  The whole bed jerks, even if he does not make contact on my legs.  This shakes me out of whatever drowse I've managed to achieve.

Normal breathing resumes for 4 to 5 minutes, just long enough for me to start to fall asleep.

DH begins to snore...lather, rinse, repeat for the next 2 or 3 hours.  Waking him to tell him to roll over does no good.  He moves, but there's no difference between the back-snore and the side-snore. 

He refuses to get a sleep study, or even talk to our doctor about it.  He says "I would know if I have sleep apnea.  You aren't a doctor, so you can't diagnose something like that."

But I *DO* have sleep apnea.  I use a CPAP every night.  If I don't, I'm aware when I start to snore -- the vibration in the back of my throat wakes ME up!  So I slap the mask on even while napping, or lying down with a migraine.

And if you get a stubborn snorer, s/he will refuse to believe the sleep partner and refuse to go sleep on the couch/in the guest bedroom/out in the treehouse.  It's just easier for the wakeful partner to move.

[Just Lori]

An area homebuilder told me that dual master bedroom suites are a new trend for people who have the luxury of space and money.  Some couples opt for two bedrooms with all the amenities, with easy access to each other when desired and privacy when it's not. As much as I enjoy sleeping in the same bed as my husband, I totally get why people would opt for separate sleeping quarters.  Sleep deprivation is my Achilles heel.  If I go too many nights without a decent sleep, I become a puddling mess of bleh.

[HeebyJeebyLeebee]

DH goes to sleep.  It takes longer for me to fall asleep, so I am still no more than drowsy.

He begins to snore very softly.  I am about half asleep at this point.

Over the next 5 to 7 minutes (I've timed it) the snoring gets louder and louder, and it begins to sound like he's being strangled.

He stops breathing altogether for about 10 seconds, then he snorts and kicks.  The whole bed jerks, even if he does not make contact on my legs.  This shakes me out of whatever drowse I've managed to achieve.

Normal breathing resumes for 4 to 5 minutes, just long enough for me to start to fall asleep.

DH begins to snore...lather, rinse, repeat for the next 2 or 3 hours.  Waking him to tell him to roll over does no good.  He moves, but there's no difference between the back-snore and the side-snore. 

This sounds really familiar to me.  Sweet Pattootie started a sleep study, but he needs an anti-anxiety medication to complete the last part of the study to fit & set the cpap.  He gets bad anxiety attacks with the mask on (even just the little bitty nose pillow type mask).  Our Dr had a change in office management staff, and SP's study fell through the cracks.  It's been months, so I'm not sure that he'll ever actually finish the study.  

A couple of things that have helped:  1) I've lost weight, so I'm sleeping more soundly at night (assuming I can get to sleep).  I probably have mild apnea related to my weight.  2) we got a new mattress earlier this year, so both of us are sleeping better from not sleeping on the lumpy stained busted ancient piece of junk that he had with his ex-wife (I can't tell you how much that chapped my hide - his ex-wife!!  ARH!!!!!).  The new mattress has 2 custom sleep zones, one per sleeper, and so we don't notice each other rolling or turning in the night as much.  Oddly enough, we both take the same level of support based on the fancy computer analysis of how our body distributes weight when we're lying down.    

And ear plugs have been the salvation of our rel@tionship.  I forgot to bring them once on a camping trip.  Not fun.

Just Lori - if we could build our dream home, we'd have a master suite with 2 bedroom joined by a "jack & jill" bathroom & closet.  We'd be able to move between the two bedrooms by going through the bathroom or closet, or through the hall (like with regular bedrooms).

[Jocelyn]

Sleep apnea is no fun. I've waked up with my heart pounding, feeling terrified- which is appropriate considering I nearly died in my sleep. It's no fun to be tired and on the verge of falling asleep all day long.
But it makes me very sad to read comments about how if the partner of someone with apnea can't sleep, she should wake up the person with apnea and make them leave the room. Because in my case, that would mean either I'd have to go without my CPAP, or I'd have to get up, pull the bed out, unplug the CPAP, carry it to another room, and set it up there. I wouldn't have a problem with a partner deciding he couldn't tolerate the sound, and we'd have to have separate accommodations. But if he said, 'Go sleep elsewhere without your CPAP' it would sound like 'and I don't care if you die before morning.' And I can't imagine that the rigamarole of moving my CPAP would enable him to get to sleep easier than him getting up and leaving. It would sound like, to me, that he was saying, 'I know you're doing this to annoy me, and you're not going to get by with it. I'm going to make sure your sleep is as disturbed as mine is.' 
Nobody wants to have a life-threatening medical illness, but having a spouse who blames you for it would be far, far worse.

[NOVA Lady]

Jocelyn.... no one has said they would make their spouse who needed to be attached to a CPAP machine go sleep elsewhere without it. You make it sound as though this thread is full of people saying they make their snoring spouses sleep elsewhere without their potentially life saving medical equipment. I don't think that is a fair representation at all.

My DH snores, but doesn't have sleep apnea (we've checked) and has no need for a CPAP machine. Why shouldn't I wake him so he can sleep elsewhere? I have no other alternative as I cannot sleep on the couch.

[DottyG]

There are many medical avenues to try to solve the snoring problem.

Kings, we went through this discussion in the other snoring thread.  It sounds like you really aren't understanding that it truly isn't as easy as that.  I'm not sure how we (who are doing what we can, but still snore) can explain it any more clearly.  Help us a bit here, would you?  If you could explain what's not making sense, yet, maybe we can help you understand it better.

[evely28]

There are many medical avenues to try to solve the snoring problem.

Kings, we went through this discussion in the other snoring thread.  It sounds like you really aren't understanding that it truly isn't as easy as that.  I'm not sure how we (who are doing what we can, but still snore) can explain it any more clearly.  Help us a bit here, would you?  If you could explain what's not making sense, yet, maybe we can help you understand it better.

I think it's important to understand Kingsrings also. In the example she gave, the one who snored didn't even try to look into anything and just pushed it onto the spouse to deal with. So yeah, her statement is correct, "There are many medical avenues to try to solve the snoring problem" To try is key.

edited to delete an incomplete sentence.

[kingsrings]

There are many medical avenues to try to solve the snoring problem.

Kings, we went through this discussion in the other snoring thread.  It sounds like you really aren't understanding that it truly isn't as easy as that.  I'm not sure how we (who are doing what we can, but still snore) can explain it any more clearly.  Help us a bit here, would you?  If you could explain what's not making sense, yet, maybe we can help you understand it better.

I think it's important to understand Kingsrings also. In the example she gave, the one who snored didn't even try to look into anything and just pushed it onto the spouse to deal with. So yeah, her statement is correct, "There are many medical avenues to try to solve the snoring problem" To try is key.

Dotty, you

Exactly. My cousin's ex didn't even try to get help. His whole attitude was that since he wasn't the one being bothered by it, so what. And that is the wrong attitude for any snorer to have. And yes, there are many medical avenues to partake of when it comes to snoring. If someone has tried every one of them and nothing works, then that's understandable, at least they tried.

[DottyG]

There are many medical avenues to try to solve the snoring problem.

Kings, we went through this discussion in the other snoring thread.  It sounds like you really aren't understanding that it truly isn't as easy as that.  I'm not sure how we (who are doing what we can, but still snore) can explain it any more clearly.  Help us a bit here, would you?  If you could explain what's not making sense, yet, maybe we can help you understand it better.

I think it's important to understand Kingsrings also. In the example she gave, the one who snored didn't even try to look into anything and just pushed it onto the spouse to deal with. So yeah, her statement is correct, "There are many medical avenues to try to solve the snoring problem" To try is key.

Dotty, you

Exactly. My cousin's ex didn't even try to get help. His whole attitude was that since he wasn't the one being bothered by it, so what. And that is the wrong attitude for any snorer to have. And yes, there are many medical avenues to partake of when it comes to snoring. If someone has tried every one of them and nothing works, then that's understandable, at least they tried.

My point, though, is that, yes, there are medical avenues to pursue*.  However, what I think people don't understand is that they don't magically take care of the snoring!  Someone who is using a cpap machine doesn't stop snoring.  It might lessen it a little bit, but the snoring is (more often than not) still there.  It's a misconception that the "medical avenues" that you're talking about eliminate the snoring.  And, I have to say that this isn't something that I blame people for not knowing.  Until last year, I thought getting treatment for something like sleep apnea meant that you also stop snoring.  It was a revelation to me when the sleep study (and all my subsequent data downloads from the machine since then) showed that I still snore!  That doesn't actually go away.  The treatment for the sleep apnea prevents the person from dying from not breathing during the night - not to totally get rid of the snore factor.

* And, understand that I AM talking about people who have explored these avenues.  I realize that your cousin did not do so, so I'm not referring to that situation.  I'm merely trying to elaborate on those instances where medical attention was sought.