Author Topic: Not my grandchild?  (Read 2899 times)

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goldilocks

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Not my grandchild?
« on: August 11, 2010, 11:32:10 AM »
My mother has really developed a nasty personality over the last several years, or maybe I just never noticed.  I used to fight a argue when she'd say something outrageous, but thanks to this site I've decided not to anymore. 

I got married 3 years ago, and as a 'wedding present' I got a 2 YO granddaughter.   I've known her since she was born, and she has always considered me her grandmother. 

Well, I was sharing some stories about her with my mother, and she made one of her typical remarks "oh, she is NOT your granddaughter!". 

I just replied, well, you should try and tell her that.

Anyway, she has been more accepting of GD lately, and has even sent her some presents.

HeebyJeebyLeebee

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Re: Not my grandchild?
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2010, 11:40:22 AM »
she made one of her typical remarks "oh, she is NOT your granddaughter!". 

I just replied, well, you should try and tell her that.

Good response.  Did you bean dip after that?

Your strategy to starve the drama llama is a good one.  Does your GD notice any disparity in how she's treated compared to other family members?  If so, then limited contact with your mother is also a good idea.
I am grateful for the friends I have made on EHell and everything I have learned, but it is time I move on.

goldilocks

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Re: Not my grandchild?
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2010, 12:05:25 PM »
No, my mother would never actually dream of hurting a child's feelings.  She doesn't really think of my mother as a grandmother, just someone we occasionally visit.

And I've noticed that since I've quit responding to my mother negatively, she's actually cut out a lot of her remarks.

Elfmama

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Re: Not my grandchild?
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2010, 12:45:49 PM »
It can take a while before some people accept step-grandchildren (or almost-step-grandchildren.)   Elfqueen's stepdaughter has called us 'grandma and grandpa' since she started to talk -- all the other little kids in the house did, after all!  But Elfqueen and her SO were together for several years before DH began to consider her as his grandchild, and it took Elfqueen putting her foot down over family pictures before he realized that she considered this child as her family too.  Maybe if the rel@tionship had started out with a baby instead of a toddler, that might be different.

It sounds like if you keep telling your mother that YOU consider her to be your grandchild, she'll get used to it.
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Elfqueen13

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Re: Not my grandchild?
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2010, 12:58:50 PM »
It can take a while before some people accept step-grandchildren (or almost-step-grandchildren.)   Elfqueen's stepdaughter has called us 'grandma and grandpa' since she started to talk -- all the other little kids in the house did, after all!  But Elfqueen and her SO were together for several years before DH began to consider her as his grandchild, and it took Elfqueen putting her foot down over family pictures before he realized that she considered this child as her family too.  Maybe if the rel@tionship had started out with a baby instead of a toddler, that might be different.

It sounds like if you keep telling your mother that YOU consider her to be your grandchild, she'll get used to it.

To be perfectly fair to Dad, my now-husband and I had not announced any intention to get married at that time although we have gotten married since.  The OP is already married to her granddaughters biological grandfather.
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Carnation

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Re: Not my grandchild?
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2010, 01:44:34 PM »
"She is now! :D"

hobish

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Re: Not my grandchild?
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2010, 01:57:27 PM »

"Starve the drama llama" I love it!

It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can.
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HeebyJeebyLeebee

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Re: Not my grandchild?
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2010, 02:09:40 PM »

"Starve the drama llama" I love it!



Thanks.  I've noticed with my own local drama llamas that they'll move on to greener pastures (aka easier targets) once they realize that I'm not setting out any hay for them.   8)  It's a good opportunity to set up some new fences & boundaries.
I am grateful for the friends I have made on EHell and everything I have learned, but it is time I move on.

Aggiesque

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Re: Not my grandchild?
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2010, 02:16:51 PM »
If it helps to know, our DD's "grandma" is a nun LOL. She gets funny looks when she calls her her granddaughter (it's well known she joined up at 18, so...LOL)!
Aggie

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Balletmom

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Re: Not my grandchild?
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2010, 09:28:42 PM »
OP, you know your mother has become more nasty-tempered...you are doing the right thing in just not responding or making a big deal out of it. Some people as they age truly do not handle it well; some just consider getting to a certain age as a license to tell all with no effort to be polite.

Shrug it off and bean dip her.

And enjoy that two year old!

DoubleTrouble

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Re: Not my grandchild?
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2010, 10:17:46 PM »
Interesting POV: Nephew was adopted out as a newborn in an open adoption. His adoptive parents subsequently had two biological children who refer to my parents as Grandma & Grandpa even though there is no biological or legal connection between them. My parents love it! And all three of my nephews are adorable (even though the oldest has hit the sullen teen stage LOL)