Author Topic: Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2  (Read 7672 times)

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Visiting Crazy Town

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Is there anything more that I can do, party update page 2
« on: August 11, 2010, 04:56:12 PM »
 Ok I have most slid into lurkdom  but I currently have an issue that I need help with  I have been d@ting my current boyfriend for about 7 months now. Before d@ting me my boyfriend had a huge huge HUGE crush on a female friend of his who in my opinion took total advantage of it, some  examples of the thing include borrowing money she is never planning on paying back and always having him come over to fix this and that for her or spend time with her when she is between guys, also early during our rel@tionship cause a lot of problems and some of his friends still do not like me due to lies that she has spread.
. She also has been on what is seem like is a nonstop campaign to break us up even though she doesn’t want my BF at all.  I personally think that she just want her do boy back , because the longer that we have been together the less and less he started doing for her until he completely stopped doing anything for her about 5 months ago and completely stopped talking to her 2 months ago . The current issue is that they still have several mutual friend that we socialize with and if she see us at a party she always come over and always PA comment about how I am keeping him from his friends ,how I never let him out to play anymore etc.
   She has also started making BF uncomfortable to the point that he has started to avoid her a party and almost cling to my side if she is there because of the way that she would come on to him.  She in fact tried to play scrabble with him   I am basically fed up and  I have mostly been ignoring her comment and the other issue but I feel that it is very disrespectful that she is trying to sleep with my BF practicality  in my face and I am really sick of her comments and  the last time she made a comment  I total her that his does come out to play he just no longer wants to play with her.  Is there anything else I can say or do because what we have been doing lately is turning down invitation if we know that she is going to be there?  Which make his friend think that I am trying to keep him from them even more and adds fuel to her comments

Shay

 I can provide more examples of her behavior and the lies she has told if needed  
« Last Edit: August 30, 2010, 10:41:31 AM by shay »

Corvid

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2010, 05:27:22 PM »
I doubt there's anything you can do or say yourself.  I'm afraid that your boyfriend needs to handle this one.  If he's not willing to tell this girl to knock it off and make it clear to his friends that he doesn't want to hang around if she's going to bug him, you may be stuck.

missmolly

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2010, 05:43:46 PM »
Has anyone else picked up on her behaviour?
What she's done would be pretty hard to ignore, I'd imagine, yet it seems that none of BF's friends have realised why he is so reluctant to spend any time with her.
Unless they know but are ignoring it for the sake of 'harmony'.

If they aren't yet aware, BF should explain to them exactly why he doesn't want to spend time with her.
You and BF could also host something for his friends only, making sure she doesn't get wind of it.
"Any idiot can face a crisis, it is this day-to-day living that wears you out". Chekhov.

Shoo

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2010, 05:45:01 PM »
Corvid is right.  This is your boyfriend's battle to fight.  He's got to make it clear to her (and everyone else) that he's done with her, and the reason he doesn't "come out to play" anymore is because of HER and the way she throws herself at him.

Visiting Crazy Town

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2010, 06:12:53 PM »
My BF has been letting his friends know that the reason we aren't coming is due to her behavior and some of his friend if they invite us then they won't invite her.  I think that part of the problem is that they think that i am just uncomfortable around her because she is pretty much behaving as usually toward him .  and He has told her to knock it off


I guess  what i really want to know is if it would be rude to just tell the truth or if it would be dragging the friend in the middle. i would just state the truth in a matter of fact way

Shay

mich3554

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2010, 06:53:52 PM »
You don't need to say anything, your b/f is the one that needs to deal with this woman.  Believe me, I know it's hard to keep your mouth shut, but this is a situation that your b/f needs to deal with by himself.  Anything you say will either be misconstrued, or make the situation worse.

Your b/f may have told her to knock it off, but it's likely that she's going to push the issue as far as she can. 

hobish

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2010, 06:59:08 PM »
Corvid is right.  This is your boyfriend's battle to fight.  He's got to make it clear to her (and everyone else) that he's done with her, and the reason he doesn't "come out to play" anymore is because of HER and the way she throws herself at him.

Yes, even with the update. He needs to address this.

My BF has been letting his friends know that the reason we aren't coming is due to her behavior and some of his friend if they invite us then they won't invite her. I think that part of the problem is that they think that i am just uncomfortable around her because she is pretty much behaving as usually toward him .  and He has told her to knock it off


I guess  what i really want to know is if it would be rude to just tell the truth or if it would be dragging the friend in the middle. i would just state the truth in a matter of fact way

Shay

Wait ... what? You mean there is something wrong with being uncomfortable around someone who makes PA comments at you then throws herself at your boyfriend. How is that supposed to be ok?


« Last Edit: August 11, 2010, 07:01:19 PM by hobish »
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Visiting Crazy Town

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2010, 10:50:42 AM »
When i say that he had a Huge crush on her I mean a Huge one to the point that at one time he would only ask out girls that resembled her  and he used to love the fact that she would cuddle up to him at parties.

Shay

TurtleDove

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2010, 11:21:26 AM »
Did they ever date?  Did they ever kiss or "hook-up?"  Is your BF "over her?"  It is obviously inappropriate for another woman to act as she is around your BF.  I think it is up to your BF to tell her to knock it off.  If he will not do so, that is a problem.  If he asks her to stop and she does not, then she should be cut out of his life.  And if he refuses to do this, then he has chosen to honor her feelings over yours, and you deserve better than that.

Winterlight

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #9 on: August 12, 2010, 11:22:20 AM »
He needs to draw the line and hold it, not you.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Visiting Crazy Town

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #10 on: August 12, 2010, 12:42:30 PM »
Did they ever date?  Did they ever kiss or "hook-up?"  Is your BF "over her?"  It is obviously inappropriate for another woman to act as she is around your BF.  I think it is up to your BF to tell her to knock it off.  If he will not do so, that is a problem.  If he asks her to stop and she does not, then she should be cut out of his life.  And if he refuses to do this, then he has chosen to honor her feelings over yours, and you deserve better than that.

No they  have never dated or Hooked up  The truth is that she was pretty but just stringing him along until i cane into the picture and he has cut her out  the only time we even see her is at partied of Mutual friends other  than that he doesn't see her a all


Shay

humbleonion

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #11 on: August 12, 2010, 05:46:50 PM »
Your friends can't be blind to her behavior.  I'm sure they knew that he had feelings for her that went unreciprocated & they notice now that she's trying to manipulate the situation.  It's a big, nasty power play.  Because she won't want to date him if you two do break up.  She just wants her toy back.

I don't think there's anything wrong with his friends being told that her behavior makes the two of you want to stay away, but it should be him doing the talking, not you. 

Quote
if she see us at a party she always come over and always PA comment about how I am keeping him from his friends ,how I never let him out to play anymore etc.

Your response?  "Hmm, he sees his friends quite often.  Have you tried the bean dip?"

EmmaJ.

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #12 on: August 14, 2010, 10:39:58 AM »
Did you ever hear of the story about the dog in the manger?  It's about a dog who would sleep in the hay-filled manger, preventing the cattle from eating their dinner, even though the dog was unable to eat the hay himself.  The moral is that people spitefully prevent others from enjoying something that they themselves no longer want.

She enjoys the drama.  If you and your boyfriend broke up, I would bet anything she would not continue to act as the wounded ex. 

Kill her with kindness.  It might confuse her enough to stop her antics.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #13 on: August 15, 2010, 01:55:32 AM »
Evil!Heartstart suggests that next time you and your BF see her at party, you should give your BF a big snog, right in front of her!  >:D

But seriously, PPs are right. It's your BF's duty to send her a clear, firm message that her behaviour is inappropriate.

Danismom

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Re: Is there anything more that I can do
« Reply #14 on: August 15, 2010, 02:22:07 AM »
BF needs to tell her clearly and in no uncertain terms that he does not WANT to be around her.  It has nothing to do with your comfort level.  HE doesn't want her company in or out of bed because her behavior is atrocious.  He also does WANT his friends to respect that he's in a wonderful relationship

While it may not be ehell approved I suggest BF saying this at that wonderful quiet moment in a party and in a very very loud voice.  Others need to hear what he has to say to her because as long as its keep quiet, she will not stop.