Author Topic: Dinner for 15! but i only invited you!  (Read 5679 times)

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laud_shy_girl

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Dinner for 15! but i only invited you!
« on: September 20, 2010, 10:36:12 AM »
BG
Among my friends, when we go out for birthdays etc, we pay for our selves.
We do not give gifts and the person that is having the birthday usually arranges the celebration.
I am moving to Alien Land to live for a year with my husband for his work. I do not want to go. I am because I love my husband. he left on Tuesday, my birthday was the following Sunday. I will be joining him in a month.
I also had my last day at a job I loved on the day before my Birthday. I am only leaving job as i had to leave to go with DH. I just wanted a quite evening with a couple of friends as i was feeling delicate.
I also live in city O while all my our friends live in C and so was arranging an outing in City C
There is a large group of friends that get together and can number upwards of 20 depending on who is home. These are all people I am friendly with but not people I would seek out if it was just me and them.
It is not uncommon for small groups to do things without the group as a hole.
I love karaoke and that is what i wanted to do for my Birthday end BG  

The arrangement was as follows. I had asked My BFF her DH, My BIL and his GF and two close friends who are a couple, K and L if they would like to join me for a meal and Karaoke.

This restaurant is one you have to book and they all know this.


On the Saturday afternoon, "4 hours before the meal" I am on my way home from work.
I needed to pick up my bag so I could get the train to C.
I get a text from another friend D. I had not invited him. However he is asking what time the meal is.
Now this is important: D lives 6 hours away by car and I had only found out he was coming down to C the week before.
D is also in a wheelchair and the restaurant is not Wheelchair friendly. The Karaoke is up stares.

some one had mentioned that I should ask him to come. I made the decision not to, as i had already booked the table.
I assumed he would be doing things with the larger group.
To be honest and selfishly I wanted to do Karaoke.
This is the only place that does it in C.
Had i known he was going to be around when i organized it, I would have worked with him and booked somewhere different. I then would have done singing with just my BFF.

So i ring BIL's GF who was the one that mentioned asking him. I wanted to know what D had been told about the night. if he had been told about the stares etc.
now at this point, I was a bit upset that i wouldn't get to do the singing, but was pleased D wanted to come out with me when i know how limited his time is.
Plus adding one more to a group of 7 wasn't going to hurt, even last minuet.
The restaurant its self had a few steps but we would haver managed as they only put groups of 10 plus on the balcony area "this is relevant later"

this is the conversation.

me:did you invite D. its not a problem, i need to know so i can let the restaurant know there will be one more and this has kind if stressed me a bit. I was about to go in to "does he know about stares?"
BILGF: yes David is coming so is every one els.
me@ :o every one who???
BILGF:J and T and other T and C. everyone who was out on Thursday.
N.B this has been upwards of 20 before.
me: Ok i don't have everyones number can you text who you can and find out who is coming as I will have to change the booking.

I will admit I started to babel at this point. I was trying crazily not to make BIL's GF feel bad, while totally freaking out.

Not five minuets later I get a text of L to the same effect of every one is coming.
so i call her.
Again its the same thing "at the pub they discussed it and they decided as D is down to make it a joint birthday and seeing D get together."
so I again say "OK who is coming?"
She can't say she dose not know.

from what I have gathered I am guessing 15ish people will be coming. This is just based on who was at the Pub, so I ring the restaurant "can I change my table to 15 please." by this point I am practically crying. by something miraculous they can get us in.

only 10 people show up, one of them was someone that was not at the pub where they decided to Hijacked my bday. Thats when i learned
they were texting everyone to tell them to come.
All i can say is I am glad iIfound out about that once I was at the restaurant.

There was no Karaoke
D was down for 2 weeks so they did not have to re organize my birthday.
We ended up on the balcony "like I said they only put groups of 10 plus up there and my booking was for 15" D was embarrassed that he needed help.
I got a few stony looks and comments about being inconsiderate.
They then decided to go clubbing  "I am claustrophobic and Hate! clubbing and they know it."

I would have been much less angry had some one thought to let me know more than 4 hours before the event what was going on.

I'm just lucky some one did finally text me.
I don't know what would have happened when they all turned up at the restaurant expecting to be fed and there was no table.

i supose my question is could i have said "That wont be possible? or some variation.

Edited as I dropped my cup on the keyboard and it posted only 2 lines in to the account.





 
« Last Edit: September 20, 2010, 11:56:15 AM by laud_shy_girl »
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laud_shy_girl

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Re: Dinner for 15! but i only invited you!
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2010, 11:44:20 AM »
what more could i have done?
As it was, I just ended up rushing round trying to fix it.

P.S I will go back over again looking at Spelling etc what with having it partially posted wanted to get it out so as not to confuse and annoy people
“For too long, we've assumed that there is a single template for human nature, which is why we diagnose most deviations as disorders. But the reality is that there are many different kinds of minds. And that's a very good thing.” - Jonah Lehrer

Sophia

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Re: Dinner for 15! but i only invited you!
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2010, 01:05:01 PM »
What I would have probably done is texted D that ... You didn't know he was in town so you and (the names of the small original group) are going to a Karaoke place.  Unfortunately this place has stairs. 

I think when you ran around trying to fix things you took responsibility.  To the second person's text I'd have replied that you'd made reservations for Karaoke at the Blah-Blah place for the X number you invited.  Second-person-that-texted should make reservations for the people he/she invited. 

Shiraz_Much?

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Re: Dinner for 15! but i only invited you!
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2010, 01:11:46 PM »
I agree with Sophia.  I am so sorry that your birthday celebration was pretty much ruined. 

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Dragons 8 Cactus

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Re: Dinner for 15! but i only invited you!
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2010, 01:18:32 PM »
Sooooo, in effect they hijacked your B/day farewell party and then you got the blame when events, tables and happenings didn't work.

And you did not get to do the One thing you really wanted to.... Karaoke

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laud_shy_girl

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Re: Dinner for 15! but i only invited you!
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2010, 02:20:29 PM »
just to be clear both BIL'S GF and L  both said lots of people were coming.
The problem was i don't know who told every one and invited them, not being out with them. It could have been BIL or K that said we are all going out.  At one point the way L explained it, she was asked what she was doing and when she said, they all invited themselves to come out. the main reason i didn't just say " your mess you clean, was that as i was doing this over the phone and no one actually admitted to inviting the others. I didn't want to make some one have to deal with it when it wasn't there fault. i would have called every one and just said "sorry no can do" but i didn't have any of there contact details.
L did try and text them but no one got back to her.
 

“For too long, we've assumed that there is a single template for human nature, which is why we diagnose most deviations as disorders. But the reality is that there are many different kinds of minds. And that's a very good thing.” - Jonah Lehrer

LEMon

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Re: Dinner for 15! but i only invited you!
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2010, 04:44:46 PM »
You need to talk to those who allowed others to invite themselves.  Did they fully understand that you wanted a small group and karaoke?  If they did, do they see they should have not allowed your wishes to be overridden by the group without your permission?  I think they need to hear this because it will happen again.  They need some phrases 'I'm sorry we have things set up a certain way.'  'I'm sorry I am not the host and will not change it without talking to her.'  'You guys can do that.  I have other plans.'  'No, that won't work.'

Sorry your night messed up and you got the blame. 

I would never have even showed up because I don't handle other's messes and I don't handle having my plans hijacked well (i.e. I can not go or I can go and be angry, so I usually chose not to go.)