FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment

[redhed]

E-hellions, tell me how to respond!

BACKGROUND: There's a woman with whom I've been "frenemies" for the last 10 years or so. We were BEST friends prior to that (middle school, high school, first couple years of college). We had a huge falling out due to her inability to be anything but selfish when I was going through a bad time in college and she called me "crazy and insane" to our mutual friends.

Since then, we've talked off and on, usually at her urging... from her asking me to be her MOH out of the blue to "I've had a change of heart" to I miss you... blah blah blah. We usually talk a couple of times, have lunch and then don't talk for a couple of years. Her most recent attempt at communication was on Facebook... go figure.

So, I know I should have just declined her friend request, but curiosity got the best of me and I wanted to see her photos. Soooo, I added her with the intention of deleting her after I'd seen her pics, but she saw it and immediately sent me a message. I didn't want to look petty and delete her after that, so I placed her on block and went about my merry way.

Well, I changed my profile picture today and she writes, "My, my, "Redhed." You look beautiful here. You are aging like a fine wine." Even though I'm offended, I just had to laugh because it's so *her* that it's ridiculous. She's the queen of insulting compliments, usually honest mistakes, but not always.

Should I ignore, respond gracefully, or respond in kind?

[Animala]

To respond in kind would be rude.  If you want the friendship respond gracefully if not then defriend and block.  She won't be able to contact you again, at least through facebook.

[Chinchillazilla]

I've heard that before. I didn't realize it could be taken as an insult. 

[Darcy]

I didn't realize that was an insult.  Perhaps it was an insult to point out aging in the first place.

[KimberlyRose]

If you're willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, she may not have meant it as an insult.  I can see where it could have been intended as one.  I think it largely depends on context and how she normally behaves. 

[One Goat to Rule Them All]

Ok, if you're 30 years old it would probably be insulting, if you're 45 then I don't think it's an insult.

[Audrey Quest]

Here's my late night blunt answer:
 
Frenemies is not friends, is not support, is not love, is not life-giving.  It's drama, it's life sucking, it's round and round, chase your tail emotional nonsense that leaves you wondering, questioning and unsure.
 
I am not sure but usually when someone sends you a friend request you can see their page without friending them for a time.
 
And, anyway, you didn't accept her friend request to be friends but out of curiosity.

You know what?   Life's too short for nonsense like this.  Defriend her and block her and don't look back.

[MariaE]

I've heard that before. I didn't realize it could be taken as an insult. 

Agreed. I've always heard it as a genuine compliment

[Amava]

Ok can someone explain to me how on earth that can be seen as an insult?
It means: "You become better as years go by."
Better. Can be anything if applied to a person: better looking, smarter, you name it.

What can be insulting about it?

[MaskedRiderOsaka]

I think you're making too much out of it. She didn't insult you unless you're a very young person. Wine gets better with age, which is why older wines taste so much better than newer ones.

If you TRULY think she was out to offend, then ignore it. Otherwise, a simple "thank you" is fine.

[penelope2017]

Doesn't fine wine improve with age? That's a compliment in my book.

That said, if you're going to read an insult in everything she says, I think you should not be friends with her on FB. It's just going to upset both of you.

[hot_shaker]

Like others have said, if the OP is young, referring to her aging is somewhat insulting.  Yes, we age every day that we are alive but if you're, say 25, you're still very young.  Most 25 year olds don't really have the unpleasant age effects (like wrinkles and all those other things Olay mentions in its ads).  To say that she is aging well is to imply that she is showing signs of aging . . . but in a good way!  

The appropriate thing to say to a young person you haven't seen in a while is "You look great!".  Actually, no, I'm going to amend that right now.  That's what you should say to anyone.  I can't imagine ever having anyone tell me that and being flattered.  Just tell me I look great and leave it alone, don't reference my aging. 

The only time this phrase would be acceptable is between those who are closer and only in response to a question.  ("Do I look old" "Darling, you look fabulous.  You are aging like fine wine.")  This way, the asker has already acknowledged her aging not the respondee.

To me, age is kind of like weight.  Don't mention it specifically unless asked.

[Hushabye]

If they were friends up until the first couple of years of college, and now have been "frenemies" for about ten years, that would make the OP in her very early 30s.  And already she's aging like a fine wine?  Ouch.   

I would just defriend and be done with her completely.  This isn't a positive relationship for you in any way, it seems.  Don't take her calls, don't respond to her emails, just be done.

[kingsrings]

It just sounds like more of the same bad drama she's been giving to you before, unfortunately. I've been in the "frenemy" position before several times, so I understand. What I've found is that after giving some several chances to be a good friend, and having them still engage in the same behavior that makes them a "frenemy", it's time to cut them off for good. They're more of a bad thing in your life than a good thing, sadly.

[USC_Gamecock]

Would it be too passive-aggressive to just delete the post without any other fanfare?