Author Topic: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment  (Read 5393 times)

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elephantschild

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #15 on: August 12, 2010, 02:55:57 PM »
I'm a big fan of the "Thanks? :)" response ... if you want to respond at all. I'm not sure I would.

I'm also not sure I'd consider it an insult, although something does feel a little off about it. Hmm. Can't quite figure out what.
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CreteGirl

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #16 on: August 12, 2010, 05:39:40 PM »
I'm a big fan of the "Thanks? :)" response ... if you want to respond at all. I'm not sure I would.

I'm also not sure I'd consider it an insult, although something does feel a little off about it. Hmm. Can't quite figure out what.

Maybe it is this part that seems off: "My, my, "Redhed." You look beautiful here."  The "my my" sounds condescending, and the beautiful here sounds like she is saying the OP looks beautiful in this picture, but not in others or IRL.

kingsrings

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #17 on: August 12, 2010, 05:41:21 PM »
To me, with the past the OP has with this friend, I would be a bit sensitive about the comment as well, and thinking it was more of the same problems she had with this friend. Which is why it's probably not a good idea to have her on the friend list.

Hanna

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #18 on: August 12, 2010, 05:45:07 PM »
I think it sounds more creepy than anything else.  The my my part is just ...ick.

If she's the same age as you I wouldn't take the fine wine thing as insulting.  It's still just a weird thing to say though.

hobish

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #19 on: August 12, 2010, 06:57:56 PM »
I'm a big fan of the "Thanks? :)" response ... if you want to respond at all. I'm not sure I would.

I'm also not sure I'd consider it an insult, although something does feel a little off about it. Hmm. Can't quite figure out what.

I like that a lot.
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think4yourself

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #20 on: August 12, 2010, 07:05:25 PM »
Ok can someone explain to me how on earth that can be seen as an insult? ???
It means: "You become better as years go by."
Better. Can be anything if applied to a person: better looking, smarter, you name it.

What can be insulting about it?

I agree. I would take it as a compliment, not an insult. Why not give her the benefit of the doubt?

Shea

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #21 on: August 12, 2010, 08:23:17 PM »
Ok can someone explain to me how on earth that can be seen as an insult? ???
It means: "You become better as years go by."
Better. Can be anything if applied to a person: better looking, smarter, you name it.

What can be insulting about it?

I agree. I would take it as a compliment, not an insult. Why not give her the benefit of the doubt?

It seems that this "friend" has a history of nastiness. Given that background, I can see why the OP would be disinclined to believe that it was a true compliment. I agree that it's more obviously insulting if the OP is in her twenties than if she's in her fifties, but I agree with hot_shaker. You don't mention age unless the other person brings it up first.


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Brentwood

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #22 on: August 12, 2010, 08:26:46 PM »
Presumably the friend is the same age as redhed, so I can't see how it's a dig about getting older.

I have been given the "fine wine" line many times, and it's always been intended as a compliment.

PeasNCues

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #23 on: August 12, 2010, 08:34:55 PM »
If she had said that you are aging like good cheese, I could see being a little insulted.

But, "aging like fine wine" is a complement. 

I don't see the "she's been nasty in the past, so clearly she meant this as an insult" angle.

The statement is a complement - IMO, because of your past with this woman, you are looking for an insult.
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Allyson

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #24 on: August 12, 2010, 09:09:55 PM »
Seems like the phrase can be used by someone who doesn't understand it might be seen as an insult by others. So, I say respond gracefully. If she meant it nastily, you'll annoy her more by acting like you didn't see the jibe. If she meant it positively, then you're not starting anything for no reason.

redhed

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #25 on: August 12, 2010, 09:24:01 PM »
Well, as to age, I'm 29 and she just turned 30. Old enough to behave better, no?

Regardless, most of you are right that no matter how she meant it, I should just respond gracefully, unfriend her and get on with my life.

I guess I always give in and talk to her because we were such good friends before and I, at some level, want to regain that friendship. Even now when we talk, it's like time hasn't passed and we are "perfect together" as friends. Do you know what I mean? We really compliment each other well... if only she didn't have the selfish side of her.

Anyway, *sigh*. Time to get on with it. Off to FB I go!

redhed

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #26 on: August 12, 2010, 09:24:31 PM »
And thank you all for taking the time to respond.  I appreciate your thoughts and advice on the matter.

Roe

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #27 on: August 12, 2010, 11:04:58 PM »
I'm a big fan of the "Thanks? :)" response ... if you want to respond at all. I'm not sure I would.

I'm also not sure I'd consider it an insult, although something does feel a little off about it. Hmm. Can't quite figure out what.

Maybe it is this part that seems off: "My, my, "Redhed." You look beautiful here."  The "my my" sounds condescending, and the beautiful here sounds like she is saying the OP looks beautiful in this picture, but not in others or IRL.
 


Yes.  This.  And given the history...well, then I can read it with a 'sneer.'

hot_shaker

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #28 on: August 13, 2010, 08:37:51 AM »
Seems like the phrase can be used by someone who doesn't understand it might be seen as an insult by others. So, I say respond gracefully. If she meant it nastily, you'll annoy her more by acting like you didn't see the jibe. If she meant it positively, then you're not starting anything for no reason.

I agree with this.  I think it can be intended as a compliment but it still doesn't strike me as nice.  It someone said it to me, I would give them the benefit of the doubt but then I would rush home to see if my crow's feet/smile lines had suddenly gotten worse or if some new gray hairs had come in.  :P

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flowersintheattic

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #29 on: August 13, 2010, 10:08:23 AM »
I'm a big fan of the "Thanks? :)" response ... if you want to respond at all. I'm not sure I would.

I'm also not sure I'd consider it an insult, although something does feel a little off about it. Hmm. Can't quite figure out what.

Maybe it is this part that seems off: "My, my, "Redhed." You look beautiful here."  The "my my" sounds condescending, and the beautiful here sounds like she is saying the OP looks beautiful in this picture, but not in others or IRL.

That's exactly how I took it. I have had a friend that would say the exact same kind of things, and that's exactly how she meant them. It's meant to sound like a compliment, and you think of it as one at first, but then you notice the little things about it (the "my, my" and the "here") and you realize it wasn't meant as one at all.
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