Author Topic: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment  (Read 6161 times)

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Twik

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #30 on: August 13, 2010, 12:43:41 PM »
Ok can someone explain to me how on earth that can be seen as an insult? ???

It can be an insult if it comes off as meaning, underneath, "My, you're getting older, and I'll point that out, with a little sugar on top." It's a little like saying, "you carry that weight so well".
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Brentwood

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #31 on: August 13, 2010, 02:23:44 PM »
Ok can someone explain to me how on earth that can be seen as an insult? ???

It can be an insult if it comes off as meaning, underneath, "My, you're getting older, and I'll point that out, with a little sugar on top." It's a little like saying, "you carry that weight so well".

I agree with you there, but it seems odd that someone who is actually slightly older than the OP would use her age to insult her.

aloe

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #32 on: August 13, 2010, 03:26:36 PM »
...So, I know I should have just declined her friend request, but curiosity got the best of me and I wanted to see her photos. Soooo, I added her with the intention of deleting her after I'd seen her pics, but she saw it and immediately sent me a message. I didn't want to look petty and delete her after that, so I placed her on block and went about my merry way.

Well, I changed my profile picture today and she writes, "My, my, "Redhed." You look beautiful here. You are aging like a fine wine." Even though I'm offended, I just had to laugh because it's so *her* that it's ridiculous. She's the queen of insulting compliments, usually honest mistakes, but not always...

One thing I don't understand is how she was able to comment on your new profile picture if she was blocked by you earlier.

Given her history with you, I would guess her comment to be of the 'passive-aggressive' variety.  If having the person around on your FB makes you feel uncomfortable, then it is probably best to de-Friend or block.   Sometimes it is hard to decide; I go through the same thing - there are some people on my Facebook I think of de-Friending but I like to look at their pictures and Walls.  Unless they do something rude, I keep them on though I might not really like the way they are.


Piratelvr1121

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #33 on: August 13, 2010, 11:54:23 PM »
I had a "frenemy" comment on a picture of me tonight.   It's someone I haven't deleted because her comments are so PA that I'm not altogether certain if they truly warrant defriending.

Anyway, the picture she commented on was one that my friend took of DH and I in a restaurant, among other pictures of the 5 of us having fun in OC.   He's sitting behind me with his arms around me, eyes closed with a happy smile and I'm smiling at the camera with a pint of Guinness in my hand.   

She leaves the comment that "If you get any skinnier, we won't be able to find you!" She also threw in a joking comment about borrowing some of my thyroid meds to get as skinny as I am.    Feeling a little insecure about it (I'm short, petite and yes, thin) and worrying that maybe I do look unhealthy, I mentioned the comment to the friend who took the pic of DH and I.   Because I knew that she'd tell me if she thought there was cause for concern.   I was actually half expecting her to say "Well so and so is a petty little idiot, but to be honest, it wouldn't hurt you to gain a little weight" since she does occasionally fuss at me for picking at my food and not eating enough. 

To my relief though, BFF responded "Can't you be naturally slender? Where does she get that comment?  You look FINE to me!  Its not like your arms and legs are little twigs!!!"   I didn't respond to the comment on the photo about my being too thin, and am just not going to acknowledge it.    I know this person well enough that it would be like feeding a troll. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

redhed

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #34 on: August 14, 2010, 05:43:52 AM »
One thing I don't understand is how she was able to comment on your new profile picture if she was blocked by you earlier.

Given her history with you, I would guess her comment to be of the 'passive-aggressive' variety.  If having the person around on your FB makes you feel uncomfortable, then it is probably best to de-Friend or block.   Sometimes it is hard to decide; I go through the same thing - there are some people on my Facebook I think of de-Friending but I like to look at their pictures and Walls.  Unless they do something rude, I keep them on though I might not really like the way they are.


You're right.. I didn't block her, I hid her. Sorry for the confusion.

I have chosen to give her the benefit of the doubt this time and just leave it be. I didn't respond to her comment at all, and she hasn't said anything further.

aloe

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #35 on: August 14, 2010, 01:57:39 PM »
^ Yes, I agree that sometimes doing nothing is the best course of active.  You will always have time later to make a decision if need be.

TootsNYC

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #36 on: August 14, 2010, 08:05:20 PM »
I've heard that before. I didn't realize it could be taken as an insult.  :-\

Agreed. I've always heard it as a genuine compliment :-\

Out of the blue like that, it says, "I notice you are getting older."


oogyda

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #37 on: August 19, 2010, 08:16:34 AM »
If this was intended as an insult, your refusal to acknowledge it as such nullifies any pleasure she may get from it.  You win.

I see you haven't responded and that's likely the best course of action, but treating it like a sincere compliment and not mentioning any hurt or insult would be fine, too.
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

bah12

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Re: FB Wall Posts: the insult guised as a compliment
« Reply #38 on: August 19, 2010, 11:18:02 AM »
You know, I just don't get the whole "frenemy" thing.  If you don't like her, then why is she in your life?  You friended her on FB out of pure curiosity, not because you wanted to be in contact with her.  Then, you're surprised that someone you don't like, posted something you don't like on one of your pictures.

You two aren't friends.  Why invite this drama in your life?  Whether it was a veiled insult or a genuine compliment, it's clear that you have no intention of actually becoming real friends with this woman.  You'll second guess everything that she says.  Why put yourself through that?

I would do more than ignore her.  De-friend her and block her and don't ever speak to her again.