Author Topic: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist  (Read 3420 times)

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Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #30 on: September 15, 2010, 04:54:11 PM »
Dear Fed Up,

I think your best course of action is to set a good example-instead of critiquing your DIL's meals and cleaning, take it upon yourself to do those chores from now on as a gift to your son.  They'll so much appreciate your efforts that they'll beg you not to move out-they may even decide to pay you.  Then, you can be sure of always having things your own way-and in someone else's house, at that.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader


« Last Edit: September 16, 2010, 04:36:11 PM by KeenReader »
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Elfmama

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #31 on: September 15, 2010, 08:37:14 PM »
Dear Mean Reader:

My husband snores  snores!

The neighbors are complaining that he wakes them up.  What can I do?

« Last Edit: September 15, 2010, 08:40:15 PM by Elfmama »
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Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #32 on: September 15, 2010, 09:53:59 PM »
Dear Wife of Snorer,

I'd record all the local neighborhood noises-the sounds of dogs barking, people having s*e*x, kids playing, ambulance sirens, leaf-blowers, engines backfiring, cell phone ring tones, and gunshots and play it back during the night to cover your husband's snoring.  The next time the neighbors complain, you will have documentary evidence that your husband was not responsible for their loss of sleep.

But be prepared to spend the night at a hotel while the recording plays so you'll get a good night sleep yourself-without your husband.  But then again, you find a great partner who doesn't snore to spend the rest of your life with.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
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Jolie_kitten

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #33 on: September 16, 2010, 10:58:36 AM »

Dear Fed Up,

I think your best course of action is to set a good example-instead of critiquing your DIL's meals and cleaning, take it upon yourself to do those chores from now on as a gift to your son.  They'll so much appreciate your efforts that they'll beg you not to move out-they may even decide to pay you.  Then, you can be sure of always having things your own way-and in someone else's house, at that.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader




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Sterling

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #34 on: September 16, 2010, 04:02:33 PM »
Dear Mean Reader,

I work for college students.  All day long they are in my office making demands.  Here it is the 4th week of school and they actually want to know where thier textbooks are and when they can register for thier classes.  Can't they see I have a full day of my own classes, a mani/pedi and yoga class at noon?  How can I make them see that I just don't have time to do all this work for them?

Sincerely,

Over worked and undervalued
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Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #35 on: September 16, 2010, 04:32:38 PM »
Dear Over worked and undervalued,

Invite them to take your place in the office.  You can use the time off to visit the spa, get tanned, get a makeover, have your hair done, go shopping, and meet new partners-as long as you can pay for it.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
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DangerMouth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #36 on: September 16, 2010, 04:50:22 PM »
Dear Mean Reader,

I hope you can help me, it's about my DH. He's not looking too well these days, and has lost interest in normal activities. He kinda shuffles around the house, and looks a bit grey. Sometimes I hear him muttering under his breath, something about 'drains' or grains'? He said a doctor can't cure what he's got. We live on a farm in rural Pennsylvainia, so there aren't a lot of options for care here, can you help?

Signed,
Worried

Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #37 on: September 16, 2010, 09:02:57 PM »
Dear Worried,

I think the word he's muttering is "brains," and he's playing a trick on you because he thinks you don't have any.  Check around the house for grey makeup and Viagra as well as his secret porn and s*e*x toy stash.  Being on a farm far in the country, he's bored and comparing you to the cows.  The best care you can give your DH is to go into competition with the women in the secret stash.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
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Lady Snowdon

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #38 on: September 17, 2010, 05:01:20 PM »
Dear MeanReader,

I hope you  can help me with a family problem I'm encountering.  I live about 800 miles from my family, and my mom has made it clear to me that she expects me to be home for Christmas this year.  In addition, she's made it clear that I'm to pay for my own airline ticket, actually buy gifts for my family, and stay at my parent's house!  HELP!  How can I get it through to my mom that, if she expects my presence at Christmas, she had darn well pay for my ticket, any gifts I give and my hotel room?

Thanks!
No Going Home for the Holidays for Me

Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #39 on: September 18, 2010, 10:48:04 PM »
Dear No Going Home,

Do you have your mother's credit card number?  If so, use it to book all your travel arrangements as well as to pay for all the gifts.

If your mother still expects you to pay the bill, tell her to send it to Santa and he'll fly you in his sled with his reindeer, but if she wants you to fly in by airline and give gifts, she needs to pay for it.  Then make yourself inaccessible...or send in the Grinch.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
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Venus193

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #40 on: September 22, 2010, 11:09:15 AM »
Dear MeanReader:

My son's godmother bought expensive tickets to the opera months ago for him and me to join her on her birthday.  I was supposed to pick up the dinner tab.  As time went on I realized I hated being out of control of the situation and I don't feel like going.  It also means I have to buy my son a suit.

After a few days of phone tag I finally told her that my ex is grinding me for money I don't owe her and she has had my paycheck garnished.  I sent her a link to a ticket selling website but she says their policy is not to list tickets a few days before the event.  I don't know what she'll say if I call her now; I can't take it when she loses her temper at me.

What do I do?

El Uomo Mobile

Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #41 on: September 22, 2010, 01:56:19 PM »
Dear El Uomo Mobile,

You do have to make this up to your son's godmother, garnished paychecks or not, temper or not.

So, my advice would be to either prepare to have more of your paychecks garnished (by your son's godmother) or get larger paychecks.

As for your ex, going to the opera with your son's godmother ought to give you some ideas on inventive ways to deal with her, like lying and leading her to kill herself, killing her yourself, or if all else fails, killing yourself.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
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Ms_Shell

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #42 on: September 22, 2010, 02:06:08 PM »
Dear MeanReader,

Help!  I have reason to believe that there's a ninja in my apartment.  When I walk through the apartment, nothing is ever out of place (he doesn't want me to become too suspicious, after all) and when I turn around to look behind me, no one is ever there (you never see a ninja until it's too late.)  He may, in fact, be hiding behind my computer monitor as I type this.

Please, MeanReader, how can I get him to start helping with the housework?

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Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #43 on: September 22, 2010, 02:10:41 PM »
Dear Tenant,

Well, how clean is your apartment?  If you want him to help out, you might need to mess up your apartment in order to make noise that you can hear in time to turn around and see him to ask for his help.  So I'd start leaving things on the floor for him to trip on, put chairs and tables in high-traffic areas that he can bang into, and get a dog that can smell him and bark on odor.  Then you can turn around and ask him to clean up the mess...if he's not too quick to get out of the way.

Of course, as they say in the Ehell forum, you can always ask, but be prepared to take no for an answer, in which case you have to clean up not only the original mess, but the extra mess as well.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
« Last Edit: September 22, 2010, 02:12:45 PM by KeenReader »
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Venus193

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #44 on: September 22, 2010, 02:47:38 PM »
excellent!