Author Topic: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist  (Read 3441 times)

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Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #15 on: August 14, 2010, 11:35:58 PM »
Dear Free at Last,

This calls for the penultimate all-night all-expenses-paid party, with a catered buffet and the stars of stage, screen, and monitor to perform for you.

If your boss and current bane of your existence separates from the company, this would call for the ultimate all-night all-expenses paid party, which involves formal dress, engraved invitations, bubbles, birds, balloons, and butterflies to be released on cue, gift registries at Asprey, Tiffany's, Cartier, and Bvlgari, and a ten-year vacation.  That's why it's not going to happen.  Life sucks, doesn't it?

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #16 on: August 16, 2010, 01:05:32 PM »
Dear Mean Reader,

I am just flustered by the language that passes as acceptable these days.  It's like everywhere you go there is someone using language purely for shock value. There's even this popular advice columnist that just keeps going on and on about tatas.  While I think it is nice that this adviser chose a rather light euphemism for a female body part, I've just lost my patience after the pretty constant shout-outs to tatas in, I swear, every single response.  I mean it doesn't even relate to the questions being answered. It's truly shocking! 

What do you feel should be the appropriate response to this assault to humanity?

Sincerely,
Prude for the Day

Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #17 on: August 16, 2010, 01:23:51 PM »
Dear Prude,

Well, you could write a letter to that columnist's editor to complain about the use of the term "tatas" and suggest that instead such terms as "girls," "jugs," "racks," and "boobs" be employed instead.  Of course, there is no guarantee that the columnist will comply, especially if this columnist self-edits.

As for the advice, no advice columnist other than myself gives answers that actually relate to the questions being answered.  That's why I'm still in business.

Ta-ta!  ;D

MeanReader
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Allyson

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #18 on: August 22, 2010, 03:19:41 AM »
Dear MeanReader,

My 'Other Half' is convinced that he is a werewolf! Of course, he only uses this as an excuse to howl at the top of his lungs when the moon is even close to full, shed everywhere, and behave in a temperamental fashion that would put most ladies to shame! Is it acceptable to show him the more 'negative' aspects of this, such as feeding him Kibble or making him sleep in the doghouse?

Sincerely,
MoonMad


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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #19 on: August 22, 2010, 05:51:00 AM »
Dear MeanReader

My SO's cousins witch-wife has given birth to its evil spawn. I'm conceded about visiting this child on several levels:
1) It may scare my son
2) It may eat my son
3) either of the above may happen to me
4) It is a truly ugly baby I may scream and run away, which I have been informed is inappropriate.
What should I do?

Yours
Baby-fear.
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Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #20 on: August 23, 2010, 12:12:42 AM »
Dear MoonMad,

Actually, rather than try to beat him, you might want to join him in baying at the moon and shedding your clothes.  It is a course of action more likely to succeed in getting your mate's attention than feeding him food fit only for canine consumption.  But, there is a caveat:  if you engage in canine behavior, be prepared to be called a Female Dog.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
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Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #21 on: August 23, 2010, 12:38:06 AM »
Dear Baby-fear,

Is your SO's cousin's wife named Rosemary?

Before visiting, stock up on silver crosses and holy water, and arrange to be accompanied by a priest-or, if you have no plans to visit, make plans to become a clergyperson yourself when your SO leaves you and you have no other means of support.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader

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MizB

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #22 on: August 25, 2010, 12:09:44 AM »
Dear Evil Advice Columnist--

I have recently been having problems at home, such as my mom is asking me to do my own laundry, cooking and shopping. I have lived with her for my whole life and she has always done these things for me and now I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave because first of all she is my mommy and second of all I don't have a good enough job to support me. But at 67, I would think that she would understand that I just don't know how to do these things she requests of me.


Sincerely,
Mommy's Angel
‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’  attributed to Edmund Burke 1729-1797

Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #23 on: August 26, 2010, 06:10:02 PM »
Dear Mommy's Angel,

If you have lived at home and had your mommy do all this for you for 67 years, of course you don't know how to do it!  It's cruel of your mother to suddenly expect you to take on these responsibilities with no training.

So, I recommend that you take a home economics course or perhaps get yourself hired as a cook-cum-housekeeper so you can learn how to do these things.  Then, you can figure out the economic value of your services, and invoice your mommy for the costs of your food, electric power, labor, and so on.  But be prepared for her to refuse to pay-there's a reason for the maxim "never do business with family members."

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
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Clara Bow

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #24 on: August 27, 2010, 08:50:09 AM »
Dear Mean Reader,

What's the best way to deal with patients who ring their callbells all night with their whining about filling their water pitchers, adjusting their air conditioners, bringing more blankets, etc? I just want to chart and get done with the night...not be the maid. Is there any help for me?

Signed,
Nurse Ratchett
I have finally found the bar I can't get thrown out of....

Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #25 on: August 27, 2010, 11:16:19 AM »
Dear Nurse Ratchett,

I would deal with such a situation with a smile on my face...and spike their water pitchers with sleeping pills.  If they keep it up, I'd adjust the dosage...right up to arsenic.  Then I'd check into a hospital myself for mental treatment and ask for a room with padded walls.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
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lilfox

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #26 on: August 27, 2010, 03:49:09 PM »
Dear Mean Reader,

My granddaughter is about to turn 1 and my daughter-in-law hasn't yet invited us down for the big event!  I told her we, and my daughter's family too of course, would love to come stay with them for a week, and also celebrate her and my son's wedding anniversary, and she just sat there, pale and shaky.  It's not like I didn't give her 2 months to plan, and I can even help her with that when we visit for a week next month.

So tell me, please, what's the proper way to 'encourage' her to get on the ball with the party planning?

Signed,
The Faaaaaamilyyyyyyy

Lisbeth

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #27 on: August 27, 2010, 03:52:11 PM »
Dear The Faaaaaamilyyyyyyy,

Since she's not going to get on the ball of her own volition, I think you should drop the ball on her and take it upon yourself to do all the planning.  You can point out to her that you're making it easier for her by taking all the responsibilities upon yourself and all she has to do is be there.

Of course, this requires you to pony up 100% of the costs.  So before you call the caterers and arrange for the dove release, make sure you have the wherewithal to pay for it.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
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2littlemonkeys

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #28 on: September 15, 2010, 12:45:28 PM »
Dear Mean Reader,

My wife and I recently (about 5 years ago) moved in with our adult son and his family.  My DIL sometimes "helps" with the cooking and cleaning but is very sensitive.  See, I always like to see if I can make things better and I THOUGHT my DIL appreciated it when I critiqued her meal and gave her suggestions on how to make it better but boy was I wrong.  The other night, I told her a chili she'd spent half the day on should have had hot peppers in it.  I didn't think she heard me the first 3 times, so I repeated it again.  Instead of thanking me, she looked like she wanted to throw the chili pot at my head and said something like "I'm sorry, no one else really likes them." 

MR, I've always made comments like this before and she's always said something like "I'll take that under consideration."  but this time, I seemed to have stepped in it.  I'm used to things a certain way.  My wife has always cooked from scratch for me but my DIL is one of those 'modern' women who works outside the home and relies on meals that can be prepared quickly.  Sometimes she even uses frozen or canned items. 

Also, I hate the way she cleans.  Instead of doing it every day (like my wife used to), she only tidies up at night and then spends half the day on Saturday cleaning up more thoroughly.  In the summer, it's not a big deal because I like to sit outside but in the cooler months (especially football season) she is constantly in my way with the dusting and the mopping and the vacuuming.  I'd also like to approach the subject on her attitudes toward my son helping with the housekeeping and child care.  He's a MAN for crying out loud.  Men do not do such things and I cannot make her understand how much it upsets me to see him doing women's work.

Thankfully, my wife and I will have our own residence soon but until then, how can I get my DIL to do the things the way *I* like them done and to clean when everyone else is sleeping?

Sincerely,
Fed Up

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Re: Life Goes On, As Does The Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #29 on: September 15, 2010, 03:03:26 PM »
Dear Mean Reader,

My wife and I recently (about 5 years ago) moved in with our adult son and his family.  My DIL sometimes "helps" with the cooking and cleaning but is very sensitive.  See, I always like to see if I can make things better and I THOUGHT my DIL appreciated it when I critiqued her meal and gave her suggestions on how to make it better but boy was I wrong.  The other night, I told her a chili she'd spent half the day on should have had hot peppers in it.  I didn't think she heard me the first 3 times, so I repeated it again.  Instead of thanking me, she looked like she wanted to throw the chili pot at my head and said something like "I'm sorry, no one else really likes them." 

MR, I've always made comments like this before and she's always said something like "I'll take that under consideration."  but this time, I seemed to have stepped in it.  I'm used to things a certain way.  My wife has always cooked from scratch for me but my DIL is one of those 'modern' women who works outside the home and relies on meals that can be prepared quickly.  Sometimes she even uses frozen or canned items. 

Also, I hate the way she cleans.  Instead of doing it every day (like my wife used to), she only tidies up at night and then spends half the day on Saturday cleaning up more thoroughly.  In the summer, it's not a big deal because I like to sit outside but in the cooler months (especially football season) she is constantly in my way with the dusting and the mopping and the vacuuming.  I'd also like to approach the subject on her attitudes toward my son helping with the housekeeping and child care.  He's a MAN for crying out loud.  Men do not do such things and I cannot make her understand how much it upsets me to see him doing women's work.

Thankfully, my wife and I will have our own residence soon but until then, how can I get my DIL to do the things the way *I* like them done and to clean when everyone else is sleeping?

Sincerely,
Fed Up



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