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StaciNadia:
Let me preface this by saying that of course I love my mother.

She broke up with her boyfriend of nine years recently because he was tired of her nagging him.  He's my age, though we never cared about age.  He said he was moving in with a male roommate, and that it was possible in six months or so that they'd get back together.  Turns out he actually moved in with a female girlfriend, who we found out through MySpace that he said he loved her five months before actually breaking up.  We both called and told him off for that.  My opinion of him when they were dating was very good, but his spinning of things to put him in the best possible light, lies, and the fact that he at least emotionally cheated on my mother made it drop completely.  Quite frankly, I hope to never speak to him again.

My mother still wants to get back with him.  Even though one day he says maybe, and the next day he says no way.  Even though the new girlfriend is pregnant, though he never wanted kids.  He may stay with her forever, or be with a new girl, or go back out with my mother.  I do not want her dating him again.  He'll just break her heart again.  He doesn't think he did anything wrong.  He went out with friends far more often than with her, he stayed overnight at guys' or girls' houses without telling her. 

She is so miserable, and of course I want her to be happy.  She thinks that I have to want her to get back with her ex because that's the only way she'll be happy.  I can't lie to her.  I don't want them to get back together, and I think she could do better.  My fiance and FMiL agree.  My pets all avoided him the last time they visited.  (I was holding one of my cats, Ricky, and he couldn't get out of my arms fast enough when he came over)  When I tell her that I don't want that, she tells me if I loved her, I would, and hangs up.

So, ladies and gentlemen of the forum, must I lie and tell her I want them to get back together, or do I keep telling the truth and get hung up on?

blue2000:
Don't lie. I know she *wants* you to, but it wouldn't do either of you any good.

If she brings it up, avoid arguing, or giving her reasons why he's a jerk. She's not going to listen right now.
Just go with something like "You know we don't agree on this. So anyway, how's the neighbor/job/favourite TV show?"

And that "if you loved me, you'd..." statement? Waaaaayyy out of line. Don't even listen to that garbage, even if YOU have to hang up.

MineralDiva:
I think you're doing the right thing by telling the truth.  But I also agree with blue, that it might be wise to avoid further conversation on the subject.  And I wholeheartedly agree with her recommendation on listening to the "if you loved me..." statement!

Hopefully your mom will meet someone more suitable.  Even if she doesn't...having nobody is better than having that creep back in her life!

Hawkwatcher:

--- Quote from: StaciNadia on December 23, 2006, 02:45:21 PM ---Let me preface this by saying that of course I love my mother.

She broke up with her boyfriend of nine years recently because he was tired of her nagging him.  He's my age, though we never cared about age.  He said he was moving in with a male roommate, and that it was possible in six months or so that they'd get back together.  Turns out he actually moved in with a female girlfriend, who we found out through MySpace that he said he loved her five months before actually breaking up.  We both called and told him off for that.  My opinion of him when they were dating was very good, but his spinning of things to put him in the best possible light, lies, and the fact that he at least emotionally cheated on my mother made it drop completely.  Quite frankly, I hope to never speak to him again.

My mother still wants to get back with him.  Even though one day he says maybe, and the next day he says no way.  Even though the new girlfriend is pregnant, though he never wanted kids.  He may stay with her forever, or be with a new girl, or go back out with my mother.  I do not want her dating him again.  He'll just break her heart again.  He doesn't think he did anything wrong.  He went out with friends far more often than with her, he stayed overnight at guys' or girls' houses without telling her. 

She is so miserable, and of course I want her to be happy.  She thinks that I have to want her to get back with her ex because that's the only way she'll be happy.  I can't lie to her.  I don't want them to get back together, and I think she could do better.  My fiance and FMiL agree.  My pets all avoided him the last time they visited.  (I was holding one of my cats, Ricky, and he couldn't get out of my arms fast enough when he came over)  When I tell her that I don't want that, she tells me if I loved her, I would, and hangs up.

So, ladies and gentlemen of the forum, must I lie and tell her I want them to get back together, or do I keep telling the truth and get hung up on?

--- End quote ---

Wow, your mother has really put you in an unfair and unwinnable position.  If you don't tell her what she wants to hear, you "don't love her" but if you do lie and she does get back together with him, it will be your fault if it turns out to be a disaster.  After all, you were the one "who wanted them to get back together."  I agree with the other posters who recommend that you refuse to discuss this issue with her.

artk2002:

--- Quote from: StaciNadia on December 23, 2006, 02:45:21 PM ---  When I tell her that I don't want that, she tells me if I loved her, I would, and hangs up.

So, ladies and gentlemen of the forum, must I lie and tell her I want them to get back together, or do I keep telling the truth and get hung up on?

--- End quote ---

No.  You should refuse to be drawn into it.

Mom: So, do you think I should get back together with SlimyBoy?  I really love him!
StaciNadia: Mom, that's between you and him.  What are you wearing to the company Holiday Party?
Mopm: But you don't love me!
StaciNadia: How 'bout them Panthers?  I think Eddie Belfour's too old to be doing this.  They should give Alex Auld more time in the net.
Mom: But I love him!  You're not being supportive!  I think you hate me!
StaciNadia: Really?  Hmmm...  Did you see Belfour against the Rangers the other night?  A piece of cardboard could have done a better job!
Mom: StaciNadia, I'm talking about my love life!  My one and only SlimyBoy!  You're ignoring me!
StaciNadia: If they hadn't come up with some offense in the 3rd period, they'd have been toast.

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