FB: Responding to Inappropriate Message (warning: affair mentioned)

[sisbam]

*shrug* You can decide on a course of action without name calling.

[jibby]

Wow.  Where is that jaw-drop emoticon?

Ignore and block.  It would be very tempting to reply, however that will just engage her.  She'll either respond with more drama (and who needs that), or she'll respond with apologies that will probably just seem empty and annoying (or at least, I know *I* would be annoyed).

If she's looking for forgiveness or inner peace, let her contact her deity of choice. 

[Flora Louise]

Ignore and block.

Some people want to turn their lives into General Hospital. Don't help them.

[Winterlight]

Hand-write a letter where you tell her everything you want to tell her. Burn it. Then delete her FB message and block her. It's a win win! You get out all the things you want to say to her, but you don't actually engage her.

I like this.

She may want to apologize. but contacting the child of someone she had an affair with is not the way to do it. If that's what she's doing, she could contact the mother directly, and leave the child out.

[Shoo]

If you want to know why she's contacting you, I think it would be perfectly okay to ask her.  I think it's normal to be curious when someone contacts you out of the blue like this.

You could PM back to her and say something like, "After all these years and after what you and my father did to my mother, I am quite surprised to hear from you.  Why are you contacting me now?"

I see no reason to give her a pass on her prior behavior.  You can politely make her aware of your discomfort with her message and at the same time inquire as to WHY she's contacting you now, if you are curious and really want to know.

Block and ignore is good advice, but it's not very satisfying if you are a curious person.  You can make your case and still be polite.  If, after you've PM'd her, you can still always "block and ignore" her.

[zoidberg]

Even if - and that's a big if - she wants to apologise, after all this time, the best, no, the kindest thing to do is leaving the people you hurt in peace. They don't need to be reminded of this. They don't owe anybody their forgiveness.

Seeking someone out for forgiveness is selfish, IMO. Just let them live their lives in peace.

Block and Ignore!

[Sharnita]

I don't see it as name calling so much as fact stating.  She participated in behavior that hurt several innocent people and then contadte them in a manner that indicated she expectes them to act as if she never did anything wrong - which makes her not only a past but a present jerk.  If they had run into each other and she had been forced to choose a strategy to deal with being in OPs presence then I'd say live and let live but she approached OP, voluntarily with this innocent persona and asked OP to apporach her mother with it.  Sorry but jerk seems pretty factual to me.

OP, I think I would be a bit direct with this one.  I might reply something along the lines of "Your thoughts and wishes have already meant more to mom mom than you could eve imagine.  please do not contact any of us again"

[DangerMouth]

"Your thoughts and wishes have already meant more to mom than you could ever imagine.  please do not contact any of us again"

*POW!!* *ZING!!* *BAM!!*

(sorry sharnita, that just seemed so comic-book awesome. I doubt that it would have the desired effect, tho )

[sisbam]

"Your thoughts and wishes have already meant more to mom mom than you could eve imagine.  please do not contact any of us again"

*POW!!* *ZING!!* *BAM!!*

(sorry sharnita, that just seemed so comic-book awesome. I doubt that it would have the desired effect, tho )

That is a pretty awesome response.

[Sharnita]

she sounds kinda comic book-y to me.  I mena, contacting the child of the married man you had an affair with and insisting that now-grown child specificly make sure to tell her mom you sent your best wishes?!

[Animala]

she sounds kinda comic book-y to me.  I mena, contacting the child of the married man you had an affair with and insisting that now-grown child specificly make sure to tell her mom you sent your best wishes?!

Exactly!  Who does that?

[DangerMouth]

Oh, ITA.

Even if this were the result of a 12-step program 'making amends' type of thing, she'd be going rogue, as no worthwhile sponsor would countenance this type of contact. If she wanted to make a real amends, she would start by finding out the mom's real address (or email address) and not involve innocent bystanders in her drama (tho obviously this isn't the first time she's 'involved' them ). The whole thing reeks of self-absorbtion, and if she is in a recovery-program, she is being poorly advised.

OP, just delete and block. If this blockhead really feels the need to get in touch wih your mom, she will do so without your help. (((hugs)))

[TurtleDove]

I agree with Shoo.  I would call her out.  You can always block later.  My curiousity and desire to let her know how much harm she caused would compel me to respond, politely, and ask what her intentions are now given the harm she caused before.  There is no need to offer forgiveness unless it is truly offered.

[Darcy]

If you're searchable on Facebook, I think anyone is able to send you a message.  I'm locked tight on Facebook except for being searchable, and people can send me messages even if they aren't on my friends list.

If you think that this person might continue trying to contact you, I would tell her simply "don't contact me again" and then delete.  If she continues to try to contact you, you can complain to Facebook about harassment from this individual.

[hot_shaker]

If you're searchable on Facebook, I think anyone is able to send you a message.  I'm locked tight on Facebook except for being searchable, and people can send me messages even if they aren't on my friends list.

If you think that this person might continue trying to contact you, I would tell her simply "don't contact me again" and then delete.  If she continues to try to contact you, you can complain to Facebook about harassment from this individual.

Actually, I've just discovered some people on FB who I can't message without being their friend.  As in, there was simply to option to contact the person other than the friend request.  They must be on some sort of super secret lock down.