Author Topic: FB: Responding to Inappropriate Message (warning: affair mentioned)  (Read 5160 times)

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crashn2me

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Re: FB: Responding to Inappropriate Message (warning: affair mentioned)
« Reply #30 on: August 16, 2010, 09:42:18 PM »
OP here.  Thanks everyone! As much as I would like to respond with this:  "My mother's welfare is none of your business. Please don't contact me again."  (♥ this response, btw!) I've decided to ignore & block.  It's the high road and it is what my Mother would want me to do. 

I tell my sister all the time not to feed the drama llama.  I need to take my own advice.  Thanks everyone for confirming my instincts to just ignore her.  I really do appreciate it!

hjaye

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Re: FB: Responding to Inappropriate Message (warning: affair mentioned)
« Reply #31 on: August 17, 2010, 01:17:43 PM »
Whenever I see something like this, I wonder if the person isn't going through some sort of recovery program where she's being encouraged to make amends. Other than that, I just don't see what's to be gained...

I would ignore, myself. Responding snarkily is just unnecessary and will escalate..as it is now hopefully she'll get the message.

My first thought is not as charitable, I think she's fishing for a way to get back in touch with her dad.  It would be too obvious to ask about him, so she asks about her mom and says give her my regards.

The OP says she knows all about the affair, I'm wondering if the woman knows the OP is aware of what went on.  Even if she did, some people can just be completely clueless and I think that's what's going on here.

Bryton

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Re: FB: Responding to Inappropriate Message (warning: affair mentioned)
« Reply #32 on: August 18, 2010, 12:38:42 AM »
This was an interesting topic.  Thank you.  I had something similar happen.  My ex husband hasn't seen or contacted my kids (with him) since 1994.  He tried to friend them on Facebook.  They blocked him.  His current girlfriend is an old mistress of his when we were married.  She sent the kids a friend request.  They blocked her.  I resisted the urge to send a "curt" message.   I think I did the right thing.

TootsNYC

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Re: FB: Responding to Inappropriate Message (warning: affair mentioned)
« Reply #33 on: August 18, 2010, 08:19:08 AM »
Ignore and block. That takes a LOT of nerve on that woman's part.

Or a completely different view of the situation, or a different set of boundaries or appropriateness.

This woman may feel a sense of kinship with your mom, because they were both treated badly because of your dad's "habits." The world is full of ex-wives or ex-girlfriends who end up sort of banded together. They loved and were hurt by the same man.

So that may be what's driving her--and it isn't nasty or evil. But it's distasteful.

So I agree with the "ignore and block" advice.


SoCalVal

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Re: FB: Responding to Inappropriate Message (warning: affair mentioned)
« Reply #34 on: August 18, 2010, 08:41:21 PM »
Or a completely different view of the situation, or a different set of boundaries or appropriateness.

This woman may feel a sense of kinship with your mom, because they were both treated badly because of your dad's "habits." The world is full of ex-wives or ex-girlfriends who end up sort of banded together. They loved and were hurt by the same man.

So that may be what's driving her--and it isn't nasty or evil. But it's distasteful.

So I agree with the "ignore and block" advice.

I think if her intentions were good, she would've stated as much, "Please give my best to your mother; I am so sorry for my actions years ago."  Since she didn't, I'd be incredibly suspicious (and probably annoyed that this less-than-worthy person were bothering me).  I'd ignore, delete, block, whatever you need to do so she can't contact you again.  That would make it quite clear that you've no intention of opening the doors of communication.



gramma dishes

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Re: FB: Responding to Inappropriate Message (warning: affair mentioned)
« Reply #35 on: August 18, 2010, 08:51:54 PM »
You mentioned in your original post that this woman found you "through a mutual friend". 

I'd block the "mutual friend" too, while you're blocking people.  What in the world was s/he thinking by giving this woman access to you?

Hushabye

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Re: FB: Responding to Inappropriate Message (warning: affair mentioned)
« Reply #36 on: August 18, 2010, 09:51:23 PM »
You mentioned in your original post that this woman found you "through a mutual friend". 

I'd block the "mutual friend" too, while you're blocking people.  What in the world was s/he thinking by giving this woman access to you?

That may just be a function of the way everyone's privacy settings are set up, not something the mutual friend did intentionally.

O'Dell

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Re: FB: Responding to Inappropriate Message (warning: affair mentioned)
« Reply #37 on: August 18, 2010, 09:57:14 PM »
If you're searchable on Facebook, I think anyone is able to send you a message.  I'm locked tight on Facebook except for being searchable, and people can send me messages even if they aren't on my friends list.

If you think that this person might continue trying to contact you, I would tell her simply "don't contact me again" and then delete.  If she continues to try to contact you, you can complain to Facebook about harassment from this individual.

Actually, I've just discovered some people on FB who I can't message without being their friend.  As in, there was simply to option to contact the person other than the friend request.  They must be on some sort of super secret lock down.

That's how I have my account set, so I know it can be done. There is a feature that allows you to test what your acct looks like to other people. For someone like affair-woman, I'd go for the block though. Then they see nothing...not even your comments on mutual friend's posts.
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
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Re: FB: Responding to Inappropriate Message (warning: affair mentioned)
« Reply #38 on: August 20, 2010, 04:50:10 AM »
If you're searchable on Facebook, I think anyone is able to send you a message.  I'm locked tight on Facebook except for being searchable, and people can send me messages even if they aren't on my friends list.

Actually, I've just discovered some people on FB who I can't message without being their friend.  As in, there was simply to option to contact the person other than the friend request.  They must be on some sort of super secret lock down.

You can set this in Privacy Settings / Basic Directory Information / "Send me messages".   Basic Directory Information is also how you control who can search for you on FB and who can send you friend requests. Note that if you restrict "send me messages" to 'Friends Only', then someone sending you a friend request canNOT add a personal note to it. [i.e. "remember me from working at McD's 10 years ago? We had great times at the fry station..."]