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Author Topic: Bean-dipping for not socializing. Should I just tell them why?  (Read 1587 times)

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zyrs

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I decided to not go into a huge background story on this question because the background in this case isn't important.

I know this couple that wishes to socialize with my wife and I, however the husband has shown serious boundary issues in the past (of the type where he feels it's absolutely fine to grill someone about things that they can't talk about) and I do not wish to subject myself or my wife to that sort of thing. 

So, we've been busy or bean-dipped every time they mention getting together, but it's been years now and I don't know whether it would just be best to explain that we will never get together or if I should just keep bean-dipping.


Shoo

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Re: Bean-dipping for not socializing. Should I just tell them why?
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2010, 10:43:58 AM »
If it's been years, then not only does the guy know no boundaries, he's also clueless as heck.  

The answer to your question depends on the type of rel@tionship you want to maintain with this couple.  Actually, it depends on *if* you want one in any way at all.  If you don't care if you are not friendly with this couple, you could speak up and lay it all out for him.  Otherwise, you should continue to bean dip and wonder how on earth this couple doesn't get a clue.

shhh its me

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Re: Bean-dipping for not socializing. Should I just tell them why?
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2010, 10:51:16 AM »
My answer would depend on your relationship with the wife/couple and how frequently they bring it up.  Is there some obligation to socialize with them?

For example

My cousin's husband is a clod and every family wedding they say "Oh I've missed you we just have to get together" then I'd continue to been-dip.

If it was my Boss and she was asking every month I'd come up with a better excuse.Maybe something like but it depend on the circumstances "We are very busy outside of work and really won't have any time for dinner till 2012"


Is it a couple from the PTA well it's easier to just not be available then to tell them why.
  

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Bean-dipping for not socializing. Should I just tell them why?
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2010, 10:52:05 AM »
I don't know Shoo... I'd say the guy has some feirce 'tenacty' to keep going that long without a clue.

Sounds to me that it's more like a game to that guy now..... "Hmmm, I must win, must break OP's titaium spine.... I must win.

[Hey... do I sound like a Zombie ?  is that something a zombie would ssay ??  Must Eat Brains .... Eh, Eyeballs will do]

                          The Southern Cross Flag. Australia

gellchom

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Re: Bean-dipping for not socializing. Should I just tell them why?
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2010, 01:03:20 PM »
I would just go on bean-dipping forever.  It may be uncomfortable at each future encounter.  But if you say something like, "I'm sorry, we just don't like you and don't want to socialize with you," imagine how uncomfortable all your future encounters will be -- even worse than continual bean-dipping.

something.new.every.day

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Re: Bean-dipping for not socializing. Should I just tell them why?
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2010, 02:35:30 PM »
I think the answer depends on a few things:

How do you know them?  It sounds like you still see them even though you don't like them--what keeps them in your life?

Do they issue specific invitations or is it more like "let's do lunch sometime"? 


Nurvingiel

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Re: Bean-dipping for not socializing. Should I just tell them why?
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2010, 02:38:44 PM »
"Let's do lunch"
"Now isn't a good time."

"Would you like to come over for dinner next Saturday?"
"We can't, we have plans."

It seems like you will actually have to tell Captain Clueless that you don't want to socialize if you want the invites to stop, or you could just decline every time.
If I had some ham, I could have ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.