Online d@ting picture issue - Update post 25

[Larrabee]

I have a date tomorrow night with someone I met online, we've been e-mailing for a couple of weeks, he seems nice.

My issue is, I'm about a stone heavier in real life than I am on the pictures on the d@ting site.  

Its not a deliberate deception, its just that I've put some weight on pretty quickly in the last few months after splitting with the ex and being unemployed.  When you've got no money and nowhere to go its very easy to spend all day cupboard surfing!  

What would you think if someone you met online showed up a little bit heavier than you were expecting?  It won't be a permanent change as I start a new job soon and I'm always healthier when I'm in a routine so I expect the weight to be off again pretty soon.  I'm still in the 'healthy' weight range but I'm up a clothes size.  Is it a big deal?  I'm nervous!

[noexitwounds]

My understanding is a stone = ~ 20 lbs?

Under that understanding, it's not a big deal. A 50 lbs difference, if your frame is the type to show that sort of weight gain (or loss) clearly? That should be mentioned. 100 lbs? Definitely should be mentioned. 20? People's weight naturally fluctuates at +/- 5lbs just due to liquid intake. But if you're really worried about it and have a cell phone that takes pictures, snap one and send it to him. I wouldn't worry about it, personally. People always look a little bit different than they do in pictures*.

* I say this with the caveat that if those 20lbs were somehow crucial to your current appearance, i.e. it changes it notably and kinda seriously such as someone who's 5'0" going from 100lbs to 120lbs, then a snapped picture probably wouldn't be a bad idea. Or a simple mention in an email. But if you're 5'4" and you're going from 140 to 160? The change in appearance is probably obvious only to you.

[Larrabee]

A stone is 14lbs, but I guess it could be 15 or 16 that I've put on.

I do feel like it changes my appearance, as I carry all my weight in my belly sadly!  If it distributed a bit more evenly I wouldn't be so bothered by it.  Maybe its not so obvious to other people.

[Bibliophile]

If it was an obvious difference then I would feel misled.  A dating profile pic should be an accurate reflection of how you look right now, rather than how you want to look. 

[Amava]

A stone is 14lbs, but I guess it could be 15 or 16 that I've put on.

I do feel like it changes my appearance, as I carry all my weight in my belly sadly!  If it distributed a bit more evenly I wouldn't be so bothered by it.  Maybe its not so obvious to other people.

You say you carry all your weight in your belly.
So I'm going to ask you: is your (then more flat) belly even well-visible in the pic? Depending on what someone is wearing, I think it's not always obvious from a picture how much someone weighs.
Can you wear something that doesn't emphasize your stomach too much, when you go on the date?

If someone showed up well-dressed, well-groomed and with a confident and friendly attitude, I would never notice that extra weight in their belly. Especially if I had never seen them in real life before and only knew them from a picture. Don't worry too much.

[Larrabee]

A stone is 14lbs, but I guess it could be 15 or 16 that I've put on.

I do feel like it changes my appearance, as I carry all my weight in my belly sadly!  If it distributed a bit more evenly I wouldn't be so bothered by it.  Maybe its not so obvious to other people.

You say you carry all your weight in your belly.
So I'm going to ask you: is your (then more flat) belly even well-visible in the pic? Depending on what someone is wearing, I think it's not always obvious from a picture how much someone weighs.
Can you wear something that doesn't emphasize your stomach too much, when you go on the date?

If someone showed up well-dressed, well-groomed and with a confident and friendly attitude, I would never notice that extra weight in their belly. Especially if I had never seen them in real life before and only knew them from a picture. Don't worry too much.

Actually no, there are mainly head and shoulder shots and ones where I'm wearing looser fitting tops.  I suppose I could be over thinking this. 

Maybe I should make some light hearted comment on the date about not being able to afford the gym for a few months, or maybe I should just ignore it altogether!

[Bexx27]

Honestly, I don't think he will even notice 15 pounds unless your profile included full-body pictures of you in tight-fitting clothes (and you also wear tight-fitting clothes on the date), or your face has gotten noticeably pudgier. If you are worried, wear spanx. And definitely add more recent pictures to your profile so this doesn't come up again.

[Raintree]

I don't think he'll notice 14 lb from a picture. And if you say anything, like "I've gained weight lately" before meeting, he'll assume you're huge and might be put off (I've seen this happen to a friend of mine).

But if you look significantly different from your picture, maybe you should change the picture.

[cshiley]

I wouldn't say anything at all about it. It's not that big a weight change, and he's not going to notice unless he's a tailor or something.

But he will notice if you seem insecure about your weight or your body.

[567Kate]

I wouldn't worry about a one dress size change. Lots of people fluctuate that much naturally, and I kind of doubt he would even notice. Wear something you feel great in, and have fun!

[Larrabee]

Thanks guys!  It feels like a lot to me but that's just because, well, its me, I suppose.

I'll try and dress well and relax and then on Sunday I'll think about getting the weight back off!

[ilrag]

You can also just take a more recent picture and put it up there (even if it's just head and shoulders) so you don't have to worry about this the next time.

[MeowMixer]

I wouldn't worry about 14 pounds, it's not a huge difference. Just dress well and carry yourself with confidence. Confidence is hot, doesn't matter if you're a size 2 or a 12.

If all he notices is your weight then he wasn't worth it. Also one thing to keep in mind pictures may never be an exact representation. I have friends who are super attractive and yet you take a picture of them? It's like a different awkward version of that person stepped in front of the camera.

Good luck on your date! I hope all goes well

[Larrabee]

Well I had to cancel for tonight, my dog is ill and I don't want to leave him on his own 

We've rescheduled for Wednesday though so I'll bear the advice in mind and try to lose a pound or two before then!

[Aggiesque]

I wouldn't worry about it.

Would it make you feel better to take a pic in whatever you are meeting him in, and say "Here's me! I'll be at blah blah date timeplace."