Author Topic: On pessimism  (Read 2996 times)

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blarg314

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Re: On pessimism
« Reply #15 on: August 23, 2010, 10:24:38 PM »

I think this is fine as long as you let other people be free to make the same decision.

So if you find someone who is upbeat and positive, and you like that a lot, but they find you too negative and break up with you, you have to accept that as a valid reason.  Finding someone who complements your temperament is important, but you have to complement their temperament in a way they like too.

For me, for example, I'm generally fairly even tempered and positive. I would probably be a good balance for someone who is very moody, but I couldn't handle a relationship with someone tended to be moody and negative. I would find it too stressful to have to always be the upbeat one, to compensate.

Allyson

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Re: On pessimism
« Reply #16 on: August 24, 2010, 12:14:19 AM »
For me, for example, I'm generally fairly even tempered and positive. I would probably be a good balance for someone who is very moody, but I couldn't handle a rel@tionship with someone tended to be moody and negative. I would find it too stressful to have to always be the upbeat one, to compensate.

This is me! Unfortunately, I've got this combined with an unfortunate attraction to the tortured artist type! :D Has caused many a disastrous situation...

Alex the Seal

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Re: On pessimism
« Reply #17 on: August 24, 2010, 04:37:30 AM »
I actually think its really important to 'match' on fundamental outlook on life.

I'm very optimistic, I always like to assume the best of people and make the most of a bad situation.  I'm possibly annoyingly positive at times.

My last ex wasn't terribly negative, but he would sometimes assume bad intentions in others and he responded to bad situations completely the opposite way to me.

For example, stuck in traffic my approach was to say 'oh well, nothing we can do about it, let's talk about something else while we wait" and his approach was to wallow in the negativity of it and keep complaining and going over all the different routes we could have taken to avoid the traffic.

It wasn't working for either of us, I wanted someone to talk to about other stuff and to distract each other, he wanted someone to agree with him when he complained and validate his negative take on the matter.  Neither of us were getting what we wanted and both of us would get more frustrated until we'd end up arguing!

The traffic thing is just one example, but its the clearest!

So, in future, I will be looking for signs that the person I'm d@ting has roughly the same general level of positivity/optimism as I believe it will make things go a lot smoother and mean that we'll be on the same page more of the time.

I agree entirely, for me. I'm just very slightly on the more pessimistic side of average, and I know from experience I need someone else who is somewhere around average. I think it's partly because to an extreme optimist, I actually seem extremely pessimistic, and to an extreme pessimist I'm probably Pollyanna.

I know some people thrive on the "opposites attract" dynamic... but even that has to be common ground because only works if both members of the couple thrive on it.

sparklestar

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Re: On pessimism
« Reply #18 on: August 24, 2010, 12:28:14 PM »
When they are doing arranged marriages they actually look for contrasting personalities - so someone who is an introvert might be paired with an extrovert to offset this character trait.  I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing but I'm really glad I'm the sensible one and hubby is a bit mad and crazy.  He tempts me over to the dark side once in a while and I curb his slightly nutty tendencies!  
« Last Edit: August 24, 2010, 04:47:21 PM by sparklestar »

joraemi

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Re: On pessimism
« Reply #19 on: August 24, 2010, 04:22:23 PM »
I don't see how it's any different than saying you want a guy with a good sense of humor.  You're looking for a personality trait. I don't see the big deal.




Courage is the price life  exacts for granting peace.  ~Amelia Earhart~

pinkunicorn

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Re: On pessimism
« Reply #20 on: August 25, 2010, 11:00:58 AM »
There is absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you need and want in a partner, and making sure you get it.

After 13 years of being married to someone who I was not compatible with, I couldn't take it. I reacted by withdrawing. He reacted by trying to control me and verbally and physically abusing me. I'd hate to see you go down a similar, miserable road just because you "settled" for someone because your friends thought you should.
Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out!