Is this what they mean by the spirit of giving?

[spaceheatersusan]

I have an aunt, we'll call her Elaine, who has always been fairly selfish and self-centred, and she recently had a baby, so now she REALLY feels that the world revolves around her, and especially her child.  She does honestly act like she's the first person in the family to ever have a child and no one else could POSSIBLY understand how hard it is, and uses this as her excuse whenever she wants to get her way.

Anyways, we have a Christmas dinner tradition.  Most of our family lives in City A, but a few live in City B which is about an hour and a half away.  The dinner is always held in City A, and the relatives who live in City B (including Elaine) always drive down here for the dinner and gift exchange.

Anyways, this year Elaine has decided that she does not want to come to dinner, because they would get home too late (by the time all was said and done, they'd be home by 9 at the latest).  Her son is a little over a year old, I don't think 9 is too ridiculous a bedtime, especially considering he'd probably also sleep the entire car ride home. 

But she refuses, and insists that my aunt who's holding the dinner also prepare a lavish brunch (on top of the Christmas feast she's preparing) so that she can come earlier and get everything over with on her new schedule.  Rude beyond belief, but that's not even why I'm so outraged.

My mother has some health issues that prevent her from being active, and even going to one meal would be strenuous for her, so she's not going to the brunch, and I wont be, either, because I want to spend Christmas day with my mother.  We're just attending the dinner. When she informed Elaine of this, Elaine said "Oh, that's fine!  Just make sure that your presents for me are there".

Needless to say, Elaine's presents will be arriving when we do.

And I have to admit to a bit of pettiness on my part.  I make jewellery, and for Christmas I had made Elaine a necklace/earrings set with expensive crystals and stones.  After her comment, I went back and remade the jewellery with cheap glass beads.  I feel it is my small revenge against her greedy grabbiness.

[gjcva1]

works for me.  i don't believe in rewarding bad behavior. 

[sammycat]

Personally, I wouldn't give Elaine anything at all.  One/some for the baby, yes, as he is an innocent victim of all this, but Elaine, no.

Why did the aunt who is hosting the dinner, and now brunch, not just say no to Elaine's demand for the brunch?

[dawbs]

I have to ask, why did your aunt decide to change it?

IMO Elaine had every right to decline the dinner for the reason she gave (or any other reason, but her reason is an understandable one at the very least). And suggesting another solution (aka, brunch) doesn't seem to be automatically problematic.

But insisting that presents should be sent on ahead so they're there ahead of time does cross that line.  I like watching people open gifts I've gotten for them, and would be annoyed if I were expected to send the gift on for their convenience and loose out on part of the joy of giving.

[Balletmom]

I just had to laugh that she even said it.

When you have children, one of the earliest lessons you learn--or should--is that when their needs come first (which is a lot in the early years) you just roll with it. If that means you get your gifts later, so be it. You do not expect other people to go to extreme lengths to make sure you are still first place.

Which includes schlepping gifts over early, making two trips to the same place, etc, so you can open your presents early.

I do agree, asking for an earlier meal in and of itself isn't so bad. But the presents line...that is just hilariously bad.

 

[Tabris]

A one year old child can certainly handle one night of going to bed a little late. They do that on their own sometimes without Christmas being involved, in fact. 

Wait until late tonight Elaine calls and asks for the brunch to be rescheduled too because she just realized the brunch intereferes with nap-time.

[spaceheatersusan]

I have to ask, why did your aunt decide to change it?

And suggesting another solution (aka, brunch) doesn't seem to be automatically problematic.

I actually have to disagree with you there.  If you were invited to a Christmas party, would you call up the hostess and go "I'm sorry, I can't attend, but how about you have me over for lunch instead?"

I wouldn't think it was rude if Elaine said "Why don't you come over here for a brunch?" but to ask my aunt, who's time is already taken up with preparing a huge dinner along with usual holiday stuff, to prepare an extra meal as well, at her own time and expense, and then have a lot more to clean up before her other guests arrive for dinner, is something I consider to be very rude.

I think the only reason my aunt agreed was that Elaine put her in an awkward position and she didn't want to seem rude by refusing to have her  over.

[freakyfemme]

Wow, if inviting oneself to an existing event is rude, demanding that the host(ess) create a whole OTHER event to invite oneself over to is even ruder.  Elaine needs to learn that the world isn't going to revolve around her just because she has a child, and if she doesn't, sooner or later, that little boy is going to grow up thinking that the world revolves around him too.