"I'm amazed/would you really do that?"

[DangerMouth]

Seriously?

It bothers me far more that every time there is a discussion about movie theatre etiquette, someone will invariably say "I just don't understand why people can't go a few hours without eating. I mean, goodness, it's not like you're starving "

To me that's far more judgemental and dismissive. Yet you could argue the same thing, that it's just an opinion and everyone's entitled to them, and to post them.

Frankly, I think these things would better be posted on the 'little things that drive you up a wall' thread. Because I'm sure we all have our little quirks and opinions about the 'correct' way to post here, and when someone is being obviously rude, they are going to get called on it. I just don't think that questioning a poster is necessarily rude, certainly not the first time. If the same poster comes back three times saying, "really?, You'd really do that?" then it think it's time for a testy "I said it and I meant it."

Condider B*reeders. I know there have been problems in the past, but (I feel) this forum is long past needing that word to be filtered. No one here uses that term for actual irresponsible parents of the human variety any longer. We just don't talk that way. A combination of self-moderating and mods-moderating has changed the culture of this forum sufficiently. I'm sure other issues that bother any one of us will either work itself out in time, or you just have to accept that a majority don't share your opinion

[Lisbeth]

That's just it...moderators are often not quick to get back to posters, so in that interim, it's not clear if they are trying to decide if something needs to be dealt with, have other things going on in their lives that they are giving higher priority to, or have already decided that it's no big deal.

So, the question here is, Are responses like that rude, especially when there is some degree of blur about the use of these phrases.  Your second example could be perceived as very similar to the first, in fact with no difference, and there could even be a question about what positive contribution stating one is "amazed, etc." makes to the discussion.

I think then you can send a message to a mod and wait for a reply.... if a reply never comes, I would take that as my answer.

As to the question in your second paragraph... no I do not think it is always rude. Like so many things, it can be rude but it is not automatically so. I also see a vast difference between my two examples...so perhaps this is the heart of the disagreement.

Are you suggesting that everyone stop using the phrase because you think it's rude?

No, I'm not making that suggestion...just wondering about the use.  Sometimes it can seem self-righteous and rather b!tchy, other times not.

So you want to police people posting in a way that you feel is uh, the word you used above to get around the filter?

I think the mods are ignoring reports of things that they don't feel are a problem.
If it bothers you that they don't agree with your assessment, that's unfortunate but it doesn't mean they are wrong.

I think you overstate my opinion.

[NOVA Lady]

I think I might be confused on the purpose of this thread if not to regulate/change/modify the manner in which people are posting. (I'll also say I did not care for the use of the "B" word in your post either. Its not something I would say on an etiquette forum...but if the mods don't care I won't tell you not to use it! )

[Lisbeth]

I think I might be confused on the purpose of this thread if not to regulate/change/modify the manner in which people are posting. (I'll also say I did not care for the use of the "B" word in your post either. Its not something I would say on an etiquette forum...but if the mods don't care I won't tell you not to use it! )

Well, I apologize for that-it's not meant to describe any person so much as a very self-righteous, snide, and hostile perspective.

But that's how the use of these phrases sometimes comes across...so the point of this thread was to find out: 1) how etiquette itself views them and 2) how this forum views them.

[DangerMouth]

I think I might be confused on the purpose of this thread if not to regulate/change/modify the manner in which people are posting. (I'll also say I did not care for the use of the "B" word in your post either. Its not something I would say on an etiquette forum...but if the mods don't care I won't tell you not to use it! )

Well, I apologize for that-it's not meant to describe any person so much as a very self-righteous, snide, and hostile perspective.

But that's how the use of these phrases sometimes comes across...so the point of this thread was to find out: 1) how etiquette itself views them and 2) how this forum views them.

Well, had you posted this under "Life in General" instead of the administration area, it might be seen as something other than an attempt to police the forum (or at least to possibly gather support for doing so). Because it really does come across that way, posted where it is, KWIM?

[Lisbeth]

I think I might be confused on the purpose of this thread if not to regulate/change/modify the manner in which people are posting. (I'll also say I did not care for the use of the "B" word in your post either. Its not something I would say on an etiquette forum...but if the mods don't care I won't tell you not to use it! )

Well, I apologize for that-it's not meant to describe any person so much as a very self-righteous, snide, and hostile perspective.

But that's how the use of these phrases sometimes comes across...so the point of this thread was to find out: 1) how etiquette itself views them and 2) how this forum views them.

Well, had you posted this under "Life in General" instead of the administration area, it might be seen as something other than an attempt to police the forum (or at least to possibly gather support for doing so). Because it really does come across that way, posted where it is, KWIM?

I have seen posts with this phrasing and in some instances it does come across as really hostile and self-righteous and doesn't seem to add anything positive to the discussion. 

I'm trying to find out whether these phrases qualify as "zinger phrases" such as Ehelldame once addressed in a former version of the forum which I think you were not a member of at the time.  An example of what Ehelldame termed a "one-line zinger" was "I'm sorry you feel that way." We have many people who have joined since then using these phrases.

[DangerMouth]

I don't see that there is a consensus here. It can be hostile and self-righteous, or it can convey a true desire for clarification.

[Lisbeth]

I don't see that there is a consensus here. It can be hostile and self-righteous, or it can convey a true desire for clarification.

I don't see a consensus here either-but at the same time, the line between these two motives can be very fine, so it can be hard to tell which one conveys the true intent of the user.

[DangerMouth]

I don't see that there is a consensus here. It can be hostile and self-righteous, or it can convey a true desire for clarification.

I don't see a consensus here either-but at the same time, the line between these two motives can be very fine, so it can be hard to tell which one conveys the true intent of the user.

Well, you can always ask: "I'm sure you didn't mean that quite as snarky as that sounds?"

[Lisbeth]

I don't see that there is a consensus here. It can be hostile and self-righteous, or it can convey a true desire for clarification.

I don't see a consensus here either-but at the same time, the line between these two motives can be very fine, so it can be hard to tell which one conveys the true intent of the user.

Well, you can always ask: "I'm sure you didn't mean that quite as snarky as that sounds?"

I'd do that if I can be sure the mods aren't going to come down on me for being snarky!  As they say, snark doesn't justify snark in response.

[DangerMouth]

I don't see that there is a consensus here. It can be hostile and self-righteous, or it can convey a true desire for clarification.

I don't see a consensus here either-but at the same time, the line between these two motives can be very fine, so it can be hard to tell which one conveys the true intent of the user.

Well, you can always ask: "I'm sure you didn't mean that quite as snarky as that sounds?"

I'd do that if I can be sure the mods aren't going to come down on me for being snarky!  As they say, snark doesn't justify snark in response.

Well, I've said that when I thought someone was getting a bit worked up. No one came down on me. It can also be a gentle reminder to take a deep breath. Alternately, you could send the person a PM and say "You might not be aware of how you're sounding..."

I guess my point is that it's not going to be possible to eliminate every word or phrase to can be used in a snarky manner. Better to go with context and intent, IMO.

Also, some forums I post on have even made "assume good faith" a main posting rule. We would do well to remember that here. I know I have my 'prickly' days when I see offense everywhere, but when I come back later and read the same post in a better mood, they don't read the same to me. I think we bring a lot to our posts here, in more than the obvious ways

[Lisbeth]

I think I might be confused on the purpose of this thread if not to regulate/change/modify the manner in which people are posting. (I'll also say I did not care for the use of the "B" word in your post either. Its not something I would say on an etiquette forum...but if the mods don't care I won't tell you not to use it! )

Well, I apologize for that-it's not meant to describe any person so much as a very self-righteous, snide, and hostile perspective.

But that's how the use of these phrases sometimes comes across...so the point of this thread was to find out: 1) how etiquette itself views them and 2) how this forum views them.

Maybe to you.  But other people probably aren't considering themselves b-words when they say stuff that happens to be on your radar of 'things i don't like'

I mentioned that I was not calling anyone a name.  However, I find the second sentence here, about "radar of things I don't like," to be unnecessary.

[Wordgeek]

Eee makes a valid point, Keen.  Being rude and having a different opinion are not the same thing.   You started a thread about a specific behaviour that you don't care for and used an expletive to describe it.   Expletives *are* generally considered rude and, furthermore, they are not well tolerated here.  It surprises me not a tiny little bit that you were called out.

Since this isn't a particularly useful discussion, the thread is closed.