Author Topic: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)  (Read 23139 times)

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Only me

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Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« on: August 29, 2010, 12:29:39 AM »
Hi

Don't even know where to start I'm still in shock.

BG - I have two roomies, this concerns "RJ" :P, other roomie doesn't play into this situation. We have had problems in the past getting along, simply because of life style choices he has that I don't agree with. Drugs and alcohol plus smokes. RJ and I have a long history which includes the friends to BF/GF living together to roomies. Roomies for about 2 years now. Plus he's always complaining how he has no money and I have problems with levels of disrespect he shows others. Mostly we just live in the same house and run into each other a couple times a week. Also he grew up with rich parents and still hasn't taken the silver spoon out of his mouth AND plays the victim very well. He is supposed to move out in about 6 weeks. end bg.

RJ has been having problems at work and problems with money, with life. I run the household (that's never been in question with either roomie). He got sent home a month ago from work for being drunk. (His work can't prove he was drunk, but can that he smelled recked of alcohol). Last Saturday for some reason he came home without his car. He did call the house, but neither other roomie or I heard the phone ring (most hand sets here are not working, we need new phones). Now he's mad cause he thinks I ignored the phone call on purpose.

He started back to work last Sunday and was going to finish at noon, come home and then drive my mom and I to the airport using her car He was then to detail/clean her car while we were away. It was a paying gig for him, and he does detailing very well.

Well he went to work, came home and popped open some beer. He had 3 and was only home for 30 mins. I got mad and told him to never mind he wasn't driving my mom's car. And how I felf about him drinking especially when he had made a committement to my mom and I. He just did the yeah well I'm disappointed with you...

Anyways I come home and mom's car is detailed. She really likes the job he did, plus she can prove he didn't use her car in place of his (I made her take the mileage on her car before we left). That was last night. Tonight I run into him and stted that my mom loved teh car and since we got home really laste she'd be out on Tuesday to pay him. He then states that the price is "$10.00" more than was agreed to because he had to by some extra stuff to buy something for the car that he didn't have. He also wanted me to even it out with my mom as her payment will just go towards rend, which comes to me.

I am so totally pissed off that I just said nothing. yes its onlly $10 more but the fact taht the price shoud include all treatments.
I really want to leave this between him and my mom, but then again want to sheild my mom from his BS (although she is very aware of what he's like, even sometimes when he shows good quality's). I am leaning towards just sucking it up, having the difference paid by me, but I do want to say something to him.

so what do I say and do I let my mom know what's going on. I think I just need someone else to let me know what wording to use because "up yours" and get out now (not 6 weeks) is what I want to say. 

Feed back would be great...Onlyme

katycoo

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2010, 02:42:49 AM »
Honestly, for $10 I'd pay him just to make the issue go away.

My priority would be keeping the peace for the next 6 weeks.  I might drop a line along the lines of "next time there's going to be an unexpected increase, we'd appreciate a call in advance of incurring the charge" or something.

MsMarjorie

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2010, 05:33:52 AM »
Honestly, for $10 I'd pay him just to make the issue go away.

My priority would be keeping the peace for the next 6 weeks.  I might drop a line along the lines of "next time there's going to be an unexpected increase, we'd appreciate a call in advance of incurring the charge" or something.

Big POD

You only have to get through the next 6 weeks - say it like a mantra "only 6 weeks to go, only 6 weeks to go".

shhh its me

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2010, 10:01:25 AM »
  Only considering the principle of it depending on what extras he bought he may be entitled to the $10.  IF I agree to mow your lawn and that you will provide the mower if the mower needs gas I would charge you for the gas.  If you agreed to supply the materials and he reasonably need a different one/one more then you provided  then I think he's entitled to the $10.  If you think he's lying that is a different story.

Considering the whole situation even if I though he didn't deserve it . I'd just give him the $10 , you wont have to deal with him in 6 weeks it's not worth arguing about.

Only me

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2010, 11:04:37 PM »
Hi MM

Big POD

You only have to get through the next 6 weeks - say it like a mantra "only 6 weeks to go, only 6 weeks to go". 

This brought a smile to my face as all I could think was "so do I have to say it to myself or out loud so he can here".  ;D

Thanks all, OM

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #5 on: August 30, 2010, 10:20:16 AM »
I agree with the PP's -he might actually be entitled to that $10 depending on what it was for.

HOWEVER- being too drunk to follow through on obligations? Id be ticked at that part. 
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Calypso

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2010, 09:55:31 PM »
Any update---did RJ leave as scheduled?

Only me

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #7 on: October 24, 2010, 01:13:50 AM »
Hi Calypso,

Funny I started reading this post (forgetting that I posted it, and was thinking, wow someone else going thru the same thing). My d'OH moment of the day.

***Update, where to start. ..Hmm, no he's still here.

-as for the $10.00, I ended up telling my mom about the situation and she said he should have told her cause the price was set with her. She gave me the full price (including extra $10.00) and made me promise to give him the money and not just keep it cause he owed me.
-he's still here and we've had a couple of conversations. My side was "you saying you don't have money means squat, you pay on time or specifically work out a payment plan". Of course it was me that had to bring this up.
-another conversation was me asking "when in Oct" (I was looking for a rough time) and imaging his surprise (yes I'm being sarcastic) when he goes "but I haven't found a place". My polite response was "ok end of October, NP. Was just looking for a time line).

Well the end of Oct is a week away and I haven't seen him pack anything. But he there's still a week. I don't think he's serious about moving or finding a place and always thinks I won't say "get out". Unfortunately I've already told him get out and its no longer my problems to make sure he gets the point. I plan to change the locks on October 31 just before I go to bed (and after the second roomy gets home).

I have friend visiting in a couple of weeks, so he's got no choice.
Onlyme

LEMon

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2010, 09:20:01 PM »
Does he really understand that the end of Oct. is a firm deadline?  Your update used the word 'timeline' which somehow in my mind is more indefinite.

artk2002

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #9 on: October 29, 2010, 02:40:50 PM »
I would be reminding him every day: "I expect you out of here by 10/31."  "You will be gone by 10/31."  "You cannot live here anymore."  This is not time to be sitting back and waiting for him to take action.  Then, figure out what your plan is when he's there after 10/31.  It needs to be a positive plan that gets him out of the place, not one that includes any kind of extension.  What will you do when he's still there and your friend arrives?
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Namárië

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #10 on: October 29, 2010, 02:57:22 PM »
I hope he is packing up now!
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Only me

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #11 on: October 29, 2010, 03:56:57 PM »
Hi All,

yes I hope he's packing also, although I haven't seen anything happening.

***Artk2002, As for telling him every day that I expect him to be out, that's not happening. The dynamics of the "relationship" is that I got sick of repeating myself long ago. I'm done. Like 2 years, so things are discussed once and that's it. However I had this type of conversation with him in early Sept where I told him once again, if he's having problems with something, HE NEEDS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND DISCUSS HIS PROBLEMS. He has been told several times, I"m not a mind reader but am willing to work stuff out if he needs help. I am beyond helping now.

The locks are being changed on Sunday and I'm not saying anything. But this way I don't have to ask for the key back. And yes there probably will be him acting all insulted, but from my point of view, well like I said, I'm done.

Onlyme

blue2000

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #12 on: October 29, 2010, 06:44:46 PM »
Just wondering... if his stuff is still in the house when you change the locks, where are you planning to put it? Is there a garage you can put it in?
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Only me

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #13 on: October 30, 2010, 10:49:07 PM »
Hi

:) He'll have to call me and communicate.

No seriously, the law here is that if he's been given notice and doesn't get out, then he has a week to get his stuff out. But he has to have the Police with him and they've got to stay there with him. (And of course I have to be there to open the door).

Actually he said something today and it wasn't about not moving out, it was that he was going on vacation in December. And that he was just letting me know, as he "didn't know if he was going to be in the house" but was letting me know because of the dogs. (He actually helps look after the dogs during the day. He works evenings and weekends"). And of course when I said I thought he was out tomorrow all I got was a "but that was just a guide line". Sigh.

So I told him that I had plans for the room and he needed to be out. But that I would give him some more time, I'm just not sure how much I can take. I seem so capable to others, but its only after I have time to think about things that I see what I really want to say. So tomorrow he'll get given to the end of November.

Onlyme, yes I know I'm a wimp.

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Always a step behind, so it seems. (long)
« Reply #14 on: October 30, 2010, 10:52:20 PM »
why would you give him until the end of november? Then you've only proven him right that end of Oct was "only a guideline."

It doesnt make any sense to me - can you clarify?
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou