Author Topic: Realizing I want nothing serious  (Read 2609 times)

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McCutieBelle

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Realizing I want nothing serious
« on: September 04, 2010, 06:38:39 AM »
So how do I convey this to a very sweet man I met, that I just want to be friends.

I just moved 8 hours away from home, kind of stressed out over financial things, and family health issues... long commutes and what not, and I REALLY want some good friends and to have some fun. I was in a 6 year relationship where I felt tied down, and I'm realizing if I don't feel a spark, I really don't want to pursue anything romantically.

I met a very sweet man, who I am sure will be a good friend, but he is not my type when it comes to relationships. We have a lot in common, but we don't click in that way... he took me to dinner, and was very encouraging and sweet, a bit too old for me.... and has really helped me out, but I get the vibe that he may want more of a relationship then I can give right now.

I don't want to assume he likes me more then a friend, but if he does, how do I let him down gently, because really it is not him, it IS me.. :)
"Life's like an hour glass glued to the table and no one can find the rewind button boy. So cradle your head in your hands and breathe"

CrayonOutlines

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Re: Realizing I want nothing serious
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2010, 09:40:35 AM »
"I just don't feel the spark that would move this from friendship to a romantic relationship and we both deserve to be in a relationship with someone we feel sparks for."

Something like that...

workingmum

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Re: Realizing I want nothing serious
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2010, 06:49:59 AM »
I so get this! I have dated a few men since hubby and i split last year. They have all wanted more than i was willing/prepared to give. I found honesty to be the best policy:

"Hey you know, you're a great guy, but I'm just not up for anything serious. I'd love to stay friends, but I understand if that's not right for you".

I've since gained one of the most wonderful friends I've ever had because of being upfront, and not dragging it out and letting him think it could have been anything else. He appreciated my honesty and to me, if i had been ready for a relationship, he probably would have been just the guy i would have wanted... but now i can call him up and cry on him when i'm stressed, he tells me all about his disasterous dates and we often share dinner and a bottle of wine. It's all the best bits of a relationship, with none of the bad stuff  ;)

I hope it works out for you - sounds like you've been having a tough time of it lately.

"I sold my soul for freedom - it's lonely but it's sweet" -Melissa Etheridge

auntmeegs

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Re: Realizing I want nothing serious
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2010, 08:27:50 PM »
"You are awesome but I am really just not looking for a relationship right now (explain the same reasons you gave us if you think it will help).  I really like spending time with you and I so hope we can be friends because I think you're a really great guy.  And when I say I want us to be friends I really mean it, and it's not like when someone says it just for the sake of saying it". 

CrayonOutlines

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Re: Realizing I want nothing serious
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2010, 08:39:12 PM »
The thing about saying that you're not looking for a serious relationship right now is that it can get you into trouble if you meet Mr. Perfect-for-you.  It might hurt your friend's feelings to know that you weren't exactly honest with him.  Unless you see the possibility of being in a relationship with him down the road, I would be more direct and gently let him know that you don't see him "that way" instead of the I-don't-want-a-serious-relationship-right-now.  Just my 2 cents....

Wonderflonium

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Re: Realizing I want nothing serious
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2010, 11:05:55 PM »
The thing about saying that you're not looking for a serious rel@tionship right now is that it can get you into trouble if you meet Mr. Perfect-for-you.  It might hurt your friend's feelings to know that you weren't exactly honest with him.  Unless you see the possibility of being in a rel@tionship with him down the road, I would be more direct and gently let him know that you don't see him "that way" instead of the I-don't-want-a-serious-rel@tionship-right-now.  Just my 2 cents....

Agreed.
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McCutieBelle

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Re: Realizing I want nothing serious
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2010, 07:54:24 AM »
Thanks everyone! I got an answer to my dilemma before even having to say anything..

Yesterday I got some texts from him and we were chatting and he seemed to start getting a bit too possessive already... saying I should  just stay home and relax when I mentioned I was going to go out to the park, and saying I just needed to call my boyfriend or family if I was lonely and stay home... ummm.... I don't have a BF and if after 1 "date" you are telling me what to do,  I won't tolerate it.
"Life's like an hour glass glued to the table and no one can find the rewind button boy. So cradle your head in your hands and breathe"

dearabby

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Re: Realizing I want nothing serious
« Reply #7 on: September 07, 2010, 10:54:43 AM »
Sounds like you dodged a bullet, for sure.  Telling you what to do that early in the game (much less any time!) just confirms your earlier feeling.

Sabbyfrog2

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Re: Realizing I want nothing serious
« Reply #8 on: September 08, 2010, 01:27:49 PM »
Well I was gonna come on up in here and tell you the same thing everyone else did...But I guess I don't have to now.  :P